In general, I'm not a planner. I don't enjoy strict or confining schedules. I do, however, enjoy routines and list making. I love the feeling of accomplishing a deep clean and a job well done. I enjoy attacking tasks like nobodies business, but I'm not a huge fan of planning for the future or writing out goals for the unseen. Rather, I enjoy dreaming. I enjoy imagining the future as if it's a good movie (perhaps starring Meryl Streep)accompanied by a great soundtrack (preferably by Thomas Newman.)
This is the first year of my life that I've chosen a word to set the souls of my feet to. I have thought about it, meant to do it, but never did it in years past, but this year is different. Most years the word is already predetermined. For instance, last year was the beginning of Jack's life. The year before was moving to Prescott and John's new job. The year before that we were newly married. The year before that we were engaged and about to get married. So on and so on. You get the idea. Anyway, this year the slate is bare and full of possibility. I find myself praying often for God's direction and leading. I also pray for a change in my life and heart that only He can do.
I pray He teaches me how to adjust. I'm not good at change and am often found fighting it like crazy, but this year...this year I pray it's different. I long to be able to adjust to a change in plans. To adjust to new and different ways to handle conflict. Adjust to screaming babies. Adjust to the loss of friendships. Adjust to moving on. Adjust to new friendships and the season that they sometimes are. Adjust to John's busy schedule and let go of my selfish desire for more of his time than he has. Adjust to letting people down and learning to let go of their expectations on my people-pleasing nature. Adjust to being a mom who engages and loves graciously. Adjust and learn to parent the way Christ desires for me. Adjust to another kiddo someday. Adjust to change--to embrace the beauty of it because, although difficult, change is good. I pray He teaches me how to adjust to things I can't. To adjust with His help, direction and guidance.