31 January 2005

the precious pond

the precious pond
Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

that i was referring to earlier...this is it for those that didn't see it. this was what we passed each day...sometimes multiple times a day depending on the weather and your mind...your questions and thoughts. it was beautiful.

i dont know...

...its most interesting to read what people write on these things...their ideas, their dreams, their goals and their plans for the future...their frusterations and anger and hurt all somehow wrapped into words. its powerful really.

...some days, like today, the desire is so strong to go walking around the stone covered pathway, pass the sheep and occasional cows, over the creek (stopping of course to glance down at the rushing water) and then continuing past the small pond and watching the ducklings trail across the gravel completely covered with "sheep shiza" as so many of us called it. but you know...there's something beautiful in it that i cant go there. but i can still pray and i can still be alone with Jesus and share that personal time with Him, even if the sounds of sheep and cows and wind and occasional car going by or passing a friend who is also walking the same path, are gone. life somehow goes on amidst it all.

...last week i heard someone say "the two most important things in life are your relationship with God and your relationship with other people." and i realize that to be true and important. my pride blurred my vision blindly in seeing that this past weekend. i am tired of being numb to things. sometimes we feel entirely too much and we react simply with our hearts and not our minds. when and how can we change that? is it too late? will one be the way they are for their entire life? i think this is giving Jesus no room to work, to move and to change.

...i got a much encouraging email from a dear room mate, Bonnie D...what a blessing it was to hear from her and to be encouraged by her...i truly wish i could be a friend to people that didn't come with conditions, with this history that we drag into each new friendship...this sort of "warning sign" we're forced to wear when entering each friendship. some, a lot of people in fact, are not this way. its tiring to be this way. i am tired of it. this is where i give it over to Jesus so He doesn't have to bite off my finger again.

I am signing off...only to leave with this beautiful quote from Return Of The King..

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…that have taken hold."

...its true, in life...and yet there is victory in Jesus even yet.

29 January 2005

israel...the vision, the passion, the dream...

israel...the vision, the passion, the dream...
Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

...for about seven months now i feel Jesus has called me to work with His chosen people, the Jews. Whether it is here or in Israel or in Russia or the Ukraine...my heart is there with them and whatever and however Jesus can use me. maybe i won't go for a while but perhaps I will...what an amazing concept that is. giving Jesus complete control of your life. this young girl here in town is always sharing with me what Jesus is doing in her life and in doing so she always states "it's so amazing what Jesus will do with your life when you give Him control of it." i always smile and nod but one time i really thought of it. am i giving Him control? so often, and most recently,i have felt like Frodo in Return Of The King when Frodo refuses to give up the ring and Gollum is on his back, demanding that he have it. In some weird sort of way, and forgive me if this makes no sense, i feel like Jesus has to bite my finger off to get certain things i refuse to give to Him. I want to, I mean to, but i just can't. I am addicted to wanting it. How strange. Most of us our like that I guess...but it blows my mind that Jesus is willing to bite off our finger to get it and rid us of the heart ache and help us through the healing process of the aftermath. Incredible. i'll have more Lord Of The RIngs comparisons later.

take my life

...i looked around the large room filled with people of different races, different cultures, speaking different languages and of all ages...i watched a young man from India stand in the second row, his legs bouncing back and forth to the beat of the music, his hands raised high above his head in adoration of Jesus. Of Yeshua. Of our Abba. i listened to the music, to the words, worshiping our faithful Father in all of His glorious splender. i stood in awe of His mercy, His divine intervention and direction, i listened to the words and repeated them to myself, saying them to Him...

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my king.
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from thee.
Take my silver and my gold not a might would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as you choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Take my will and make it Thine it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is thine own; it shall be thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour at your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee,
Take myself and I will be ever, only all for thee.

Here am I, All of me.
Take my life, It's all for thee.

Such powerful words, such real truth. I remember singing this at Capernwray, standing up when the verse about what we knew would be truly hard for us to let go, what we knew we had to, and what we wanted to. it was powerful, something Sue did very well. the man today talked of many things, including the truth of it's not about us, it's all about Jesus. We, as Christians, can stand in our small space that's "comfortable" and where we "feel close" to Jesus and then have to come into the "real world" to interact with others. But it's not true, our walk, our relationship with Christ must become a part of who we are and what we do...we must intertwine our walk with Him with our interaction with others. It's powerful. Some of us feel called to the mission field and some will go, some will not...some will raise money and go to Africa for a few months but i do not think that is what He wants. He wants a deep and intimate relationship with Him and in that and through that He will lead us where He can use us best if we are open to it. How beautiful. Just a few random thoughts that He brought to my mind while I wrote...

Also, Spiro, I spent the night with one of the people I have been asking Jesus to help me love and it was strange because I knew HE was working on me...and somehow it wasn't as hard to love her when I saw that through loving Him, I must love her. Thank you Spiro for that comment...

28 January 2005

like a bitter stranger...

...now i see the long the short and whats in between...

this past couple of weeks i've had two people that i care deeply for and respect their opinions greatly inform me that i was wrong. now, to some people this is not very harsh, but i have a small issue of this. it takes a lot for me to mumble out that i was wrong (most call it pride) and Jesus and i are working on that. these two people (one being my mother and the other Rachel) informed me they were sorry for my opinions on two certain people because i disliked them, but they (mom and Rachel) liked them and thought i was wrong . this, for me, put me slightly on the defense, but i tried to understand. what is this and why did i get so defensive? "no," i responded. "i do like them, i don't hate them." and yet i knew i had influenced their opinion of these two people because of my feelings of them. this is not right. what is Jesus trying to teach me? and why, even after i think this, are they still both a joke to me?
...who is the bitter stranger? the friend lost who refuses to speak to me or the one who does speak, but with a bitter smile and fake interest? which is worse? both, i feel are detestable before Jesus but yet i do them both. when both rachel and my mother told me that i was wrong (both within about a week of the other) about these people i realized i was, in fact, and yet i had spent so much of the non existent friendship with these strangers disliking them for silly and big reasons that i didn't even know if i gave them a chance if i would like them. its no fun to be bitter or a stranger to people. Jesus is working.

27 January 2005

watching "fresh prince" in english with german subtitles...

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

...a very fond memory i share with susan watts. my dear capernwray friend who said tonight, with a bit of my own words:

"have you ever realized that time can not stop? that no matter how frustrating, how tired, how angry or hurt you get that time can not stop? you want to say "hey, i'm tired, i want a break!" but its impossible. time just keeps going and life goes on and there's nothing we can do about it."


chinese lunch.

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

this was on a sunday afternoon at lunch. we all crammed into a large booth and enjoyed the food (note the spinning table in the middle where we all ended up sharing the food) PJ, on the far left is my cousin and a dear friend...full of wisdom and passion for Jesus, he is a true encouragment. Isaac, to my left, is a childhood friend who has become a dear true friend.

this day was weird but not weirder then most...

coffee plant. the tug on the ear means "let's go"

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

...teryn (though its really spelled with an a) a dear friend who i met after months of being in phoenix. its weird, when you meet someone and connect and find this friendship somehow quickly evolved, i had almost thought it wouldn't happen here.

singing "i think i'll go home and mole this over, don't go and cram it down my throat." to enjoying the conversation of "christmas" and just walking throughout the giant mall and only going into two stores...

sleeping on the front porch...

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

26 January 2005

don't dream its over

...this song is very, very catchy. i was walking around coffee plantation the other night with three girls visiting from Croatia and my cousin Greg. Greg and I were enjoying their company, trying to talk slow enough to resist the question of "what did you say?" from the girls. they were fascinated by the huge fountain that had two levels and the dogfood store that made treats that look exactly like cookies and donuts. this song came over the radio in the park and i started singing and meirte, the most outgoing of the three, looked at me and was astonished that the song was playing and that she knew it as well...we walked around in the warm air, enjoying the music and the company. it truly made me miss the foreign friends and the questions they would have and when they would look at you and start talking in another language and you would just smile, nod your head and act like you understood responding with "da"
oh, the song is by sixpence none the richer by the way.

"There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
Don't ever let them win"

25 January 2005

oh the drama

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

...this picture made me laugh when i saw it again. i remember that was the day we said goodbye to sammy because he was going to israel the following day...we met him in stuttgart. when susan took this picture i told becci (the one in the brown jacket) to have a serious attitude in this. it turned out like a cover of some silly teen movie. i love it.
its strange though, i haven't spoken to any of them in months. strange what time and distance and change can do to friendships...and so it goes, i suppose.

От Матфея 10:37-39 

37Кто любит отца или мать более, нежели Меня, не достоин Меня; и кто любит сына или дочь более, нежели Меня, не достоин Меня;

38и кто не берет креста своего и следует за Мною, тот не достоин Меня.

39Сберегший душу свою потеряет ее; а потерявший душу свою ради Меня сбережет ее.

in germany

Originally uploaded by mellesmitty.

...listening to a guy talk to us in german. he walked up to us singing a german folk song and entertained us for nearly ten minutes.

24 January 2005

the wonder state

it doesn't happen often, but when it does it always seems to be this heart warming feeling that begins at the end of my feet and drives itself up my entire body.

tonight i was driving home from russian. i had just learned how to say "do you have a television?" and learned the genetive case for it which is altogether confusing. he had called on me and i turned all shades of red; maroon, pink, probably even bright orange and he knew it because he tried to compliment my Russian to make up for it. i was driving home, speeding in fact, listening to music when a song came on that i hadn't listened to for a while:

My Lord what love is this?
That paid so dearly
That I, the guilty one, may go free.

Amazing love, oh what sacrifice
The Son of God, given for me
My dept He paid, and my death He died
That I, might live.

And so, they watched Him die
Despised and rejected
But oh, the blood He shed, flowed for me.

And now, this love of Christ
Will flow, like rivers
Come wash, your guilt away,
And live again.

....and i begin to cry...not a lot and hardly enough to really feel it and i was once again in awe of Jesus and His mercy. all of what He's done for me...for us and for His children, His chosen ones....it is beyond my comprehension. i hope He never reaches my comprehension so that we can always be in this wonder state. its important.

that's the end.

this is a post for no one

not to sound depressive, i really didn't mean to do that.

i'm not sure who i am going to be sending this to to view it, perhaps a few people.

i want to put up pictures of the things that inspire me, the people that inspire me that lead me in the right direction towards Jesus and that mean a lot to me.

i'd like to somehow find the time to put up little dillys that i write, in effort to start writing again.

...for whoever reads this page, stranger or no stranger, go and get everything that Danny Elfman has ever done. he's incredible.

the end.

22 January 2005

who is mel

this is it.

the beginning of something new.
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