grace

little Miss isn't quite so little anymore.

Birdie stopped nursing last Sunday night (April 28) and hasn't looked back. It was natural and time and she didn't even seem to want it anymore. I nursed her once in the wee hours of that Monday morning, but she was over it and was ready for lots of ice cream and chicken nuggets. It was that moment when I realized she was ready and thank you Lord it was then because John was out of town for a week and that's always extra hard when you're not getting a full night's rest and keeping up with two little ones.

It's like she grew over night. Her little self is so fun and easy going and those last few baby-looks are nearly gone. She's taken a couple of steps, though not fully walking and eats like there is no tomorrow.

I still can't believe the serious differences between her and her brother. There are some similarities. They both like to make each other laugh, love to be tickled, like to cuddle with a blanket and pacifier, love splashing in the bath and greeting daddy when he walks in the door.

But at the same time, they are so very different. Which I am thankful for. I love a good character and depth and dynamics of the character. So thankful they both seem to have big personalities full of quirks and enthusiasm. The best kind.

Zoey loves to eat and will try almost anything we offer her (if she's hungry enough.) She recently informed me that she loves scrambled eggs (something Jackboy won't even touch) and last night ate a whole helping and a half of chicken parmesan. She's a girl after my own heart. I try to give her healthy foods too, but Trader Joes makes these little ice cream cones. Cutest thing ever. Just her size. She digs it.

She will eat the entire thing. No joke. Girl doesn't hold back. She can handle the extra calories, I think.

She loves oatmeal, string cheese, ham, grilled cheese and cheese quesadillas. She wakes up hungry and loves a hearty breakfast. She also loves drinking out of her brother's sippy cup. Every time.

Jackboy, our sweet selective eater, will only eat an ice cream cone in desperate measures. Like when he's hot and needs a cooling down. Even then it's not his go-to dessert. He's just like his daddy.

I've been avoiding dairy since last year and so ice cream is a rare treat. I miss it, I do and last week I had my first Snickers blizzard that I've had in a while and man, it was so good.

Dairy, I miss you. I wish we could still be friends. But my tummy is so much happy without you around.

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It was hot last week. Warm and sunny, so not too hot. This week a cold, cloudy front has come in and I'm thankful for the last taste of 65 degree weather. I do love it so.

Zoey has fallen in love with outside and will crawl on pine needles and dirt and rocks if she can get where she wants to go. I love seeing her daring self. She also loves to color and will sit with crayons and draw on pages. Another Jack just never seemed interested in, still isn't.

I am so, so thankful I get to be these two kiddo's mama. How underserving I feel to nurture their little spirits and guide them through this broken world. My heart longs to never, ever raise my voice again or tell them one more time "just a minute." But I will fail again, I will hurt their feelings or hear Jack say, "let's not be mean guys, mama. Let's be nice guys." again. I know I'll mess up and lose my patience again. I'm human. And yet oh, how perfect and beautiful His grace is that covers over those mistakes. That makes all things new. That tomorrow (or even a minute later) we can start again, start fresh, ask for forgiveness and try again. I'm far from perfect and never will be, but I can always, always apologize and try again.

Just like in beautiful written song Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford and Sons,

"It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It's not the long walk home
that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart."

Jack is always so quick to forgive. I'll go to him, usually when he's sitting on his bed and tell him I'm sorry for yelling or whatever had just happened. Sometimes I really need to say it, to hear myself it, even if I don't mean it yet. Other times, as much as I want to apologize I know it was part of setting healthy boundaries with him that will later lead to his boundaries and helping shape him as a little person. I still affirm the love and on occasion he's told me, "Mama, you need to say sorry." To which I try to explain that I'm not sorry and I love him too much to let him behave like that.

But on the days when I know I'm tired or frustrated or annoyed (often times at something that has nothing to do with him) I sit next to him, hug him and tell him I'm sorry and ask if we can start over and try again.



"It's okay, Mama. We all make mistakes." He responds and he's back to his usual self. Oh, such grace. I know it might not always be there. The realities of life and the depths of hurtful things said and did sometimes make it so hard to forgive and show grace. Often times I don't want to show it when people hurt me. Even if time has passed and it's over with, there's still that place inside me that's tender and sensitive and vulnerable it hurts to think about. Places that if I go to them on my own, I can't forgive or heal it or let it go. I am so thankful He can. I am so thankful His grace can cover it when I know I'll never be able to.



I pray my kiddos learn that kind of grace. His grace and how to show it to others. What freedom to show grace when others do you wrong or let you down. I pray I can learn it too.

sprouts

This week has been packed full of changes.

Not really with me (though I do feel like monster-Mel is back to sleep, for a while, I hope. I hope forever.) Things in our little frontier land are changing. It snowed Saturday and today it is a breezy, sunny and warm 65 degree day. I am diggin' this spring. 

We're getting a fence this spring to ward off javalinas, deer and coyotes (it's mostly their land out here.) We live on a corner lot so settling in to some backyard BBQ fun is kind of impossible without a fence to declare back yard territory. The rest of our yard, however, is a work in progress and sometimes I find contentment to be lacking. I do love it, though, and am thankful for a home and that it's this one.

Another change.

Jack is fighting off his cold and has been in much better spirits today. My man is still fighting the bug/allergies and just hasn't been feeling great lately. Which is hard for him and difficult for me too. I need to work on my sick-graces because I'll be honest, I lack in that area.

Over the weekend we went to the mall to let Jack run around (he was getting stir crazy and it was snowing! in april!) it was good for us to get out too. i had forgotten how nice weather just welcomes you to put on your chacos, sunglasses and feel the breeze hit your cheeks and dance around your shoulders. Spring is here. And with it brings changes and I am so thankful for both.

My garden is sprouting! Granted, it's still indoors, but it's growing and I am really hoping for yummy goodness in the next couple of months. And when I move it outdoors? No guarantee that it won't fail and we will be without food in a few months. We're attempting to eat much healthier and although it's been trickier financially (like cutting back on our trips to safeway just to get me and jack out of the house) it's been really good. The food (no surprise here) tastes so much better. We've been eating ground turkey instead of beef for the last year or so, but recently switched to organic beef and it was like...a little tortilla packed full of heaven. There truly is a difference.

I was at Bible study until 11:30 on Monday night. I am so thankful for times for chatting, laughing, eating and sharing our hearts. And that my man doesn't mind if I'm gone until 11:30. I came home and we dreamed and rambled until 1:00am. That's really late for us. I loved it.

rain or shine

There's still no rain on our little frontier.

When will the rain come? I'm not sayin' I mind. I love watching the clouds swim over head, full of thick heavy pillows. I love the breeze, and the varying sun light.

More than that, I love cuddling with Jackboy. He's real sick today. Like, sicker than I've ever seen him. He just laid in my arms for the whole morning, his eyes closed (except when Thomas was on) and just inhaled. and exhaled. and snuggled with me and his binky. It was so precious. It's moments like those that my inner mother bird perches itself boldly on watch and rocks her baby in the early morn while he fights off a fever. A mama bird that can't fall back asleep because she's trying to figure out what's wrong and how she can help. It's rocking with the blinds pulled, gently moving back and forth, back and forth, watching his eyelids open to make sure I'm still there and then close to doze off again. But don't set him down until he's fully asleep because he's not ready to be alone just yet.

Sweet moments. 

I took Jack to the doctor because 1. It's almost the weekend and 2. All morning is fever was 102.5 and I was a little nerv. Better safe than sorry. My doctor is the best in all the land. She is so good with Jack and makes me feel like a champ rather than a worry wart for bringing in a baby with a fever. Because, hello, what can she do? He did, however, have a bad ear infection. She asked if I wanted a prescription so I gently stumbled on the question, "Can we try anything else?"

To my surprise, she recommended many other things. She recommended I try a garlic ear drop from the health food store (which I got), a chiropractor (I'm going to take him to see the bowen work lady instead) and if those don't work than fulfill the prescription. 

It's so great to have a doctor who doesn't want to stuff your kid with stuff you don't want (or aren't sure if you want or not.) and rather explores with you other options that will be healthier for him in the long run.

Thank you, Lord, for that. 

and, oh yeah, the stress and adrenal support is for real working. still tasting nasty? yes. but starting to feel the effects after chewing seven of them over the last 24 hours? Yes.

the song of the day is this:

Today has been a day of adventure.


With the arrival of spring comes much outdoor time.

The air is crisp and warm. The breeze is consistence and does this heart good.

Jack is loving everything outdoors. He has no fear of falling on rocks or falling at all, really. This, he does not get from me. I pray that he doesn't love snakes. Or scorpians. Or things like that, but I have a feeling he will.



Today we played outside with friends. We laughed, we watched the boys manouver shovels and take each others trucks. I could see them as elementary aged kids, playing in the water and catching garden snakes. I could see them chasing each other through the woods. It's hard to imagine Jack that old, but I know he will be. Before I know it. I'm so thankful for friends that will be going through that journey too. For friends that Jack will know since he was so little and will great adventures with.

It's days like these that I really feel Christ's healing. In moments where laughter is shared and funny one-year-old's keep you on your toes. In moments where a good lunch and some sparkling water really hits the spot. Times when you can feel your friends sharing the load. Just being with you on the journey.

 The boys. Complete oblivious to the camera and taking it all in.

 It's hard to capture all the beauty that was out there today. 

Is there a new Office episode on tonight? Because I've been missing it. For real.

celebrate peek a boo

Jack playing peek-a-boo

This picture makes me so happy.

Jackboy has a new obsession with chairs and must sit on them whenever possible. He spends most of his day climbing on and off chairs, figuring out how to carry his toys onto the chairs, running his cars off of the side of the table, sliding off of chairs, climbing onto tables (NOT okay, I inform him) and pound anything against the table. I'm not sure where he came from, but when I see him across the table it's like he's a little boy. No longer a baby, but a boy. 

When I rock him at night I hold him a while after he's fallen asleep, just because he looks so precious. And still. (Did I mention he moves a lot during the day?) This era of littleness will not last forever and I can't believe how fast it's already gone. 

This was him last April. I can hardly believe how much he's changed and the person he's developed into. Can't wait to see more!

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Not my favorite holiday, not gonna lie. But fun just the same. We celebrated by eating delicious donuts, shared some writing and ate salmon, asparagus and cheesy mash potatoes for dinner. Dinner with a kiddo has changed dinner permanently. That's okay. Jack ate noodles and refused salmon OR mash potatoes. (What?!)

My man was a gem and cleaned all the dishes for me while I laid on the couch. (THE best valentine's day gift EVER.) We watched Parks and Rec, had some good laughs and I fell asleep by 9.

I'm tellin' you, people, V-Day is not my fav. 

Thankfully it's not John's either.

We simply celebrated each other and the little family we have. 

Day well spent.

We awoke this morning singing this song around our home all morn.

Putting Things Together

 First of all, my man wrote an Article in the Arizona Republic yesterday! 

I'm so proud of him!

 

I've been fascinated in watching Jack see how things fit together. There's an endless world of possibilities! Cups, bowls, bottles, pacifiers, food, things in a basket, etc, etc. I'm not one to constantly be in "teacher-mode" with Jack. I love simply watching him discover and adventure on his own. (I do try to put my teacher hat on every so often...but, I'm not a teacher to begin with. ;) More of an imagine-er.

How do they grow so fast? How does time just leak out of our hands as each day they change and grow and learn something new? Will all of life be like this?

. . . 

 

Just a few stops I really loved in life...

My Grandpa and Grandma

My childhood best friend, Holly aka fellow Hanson lover

Riding my brother's bike + cabbage patch

My little sister Maggie and I

In Colorado on vacation with my brothers Andy and Justin

I told you earlier about how nostalgic I am. The crazy thing is I truly love each transit in life. (Ok, that's not true. The middle school stop was not my favorite.) But nearly every adventure was great. I did, however, always tend to look to this future. To the future that included marriage, a journey with my husband and lover and children along for the ride. Now that it's here I can feel time slipping through my fingers and sometimes I wish I could chase after it (like in this incredible movie) but then I remember all that there is ahead of us. I'm excited to see how it all fits together, too. 

I'm thankful that this journey isn't our Home and it isn't the ultimate destination. However great it is while we are here, it's meant to be a passing thing. I am so thankful for the destination that lies ahead. Today, I'm mediating today Philippians 3

This isn't the last stop. There is more than this.

My 6 months in Ukraine with a young family

Yanya and I trying to keep warm in a Ukraine

Dear friend Kate before I left for Ukraine

Our engagement

My dear friend Teri and I

The CP'S from Capernwray

That little window in the top middle was my bedroom window for 3 months

High School friends

80's Dance Party long ago

note: all of these pictures are pre-marriage. I don't think  a post can contain the stops I've LOVED since marrying John and starting life with him.

. . .

Oh, we are currently loving at our home B&Body Works Leaves candle. Fall is here!  

Happy Autumn!