birdie

I write a whole lot about our Jackboy. He's always bursting into new seasons of life and I follow him, sometimes willingly and sometimes dragging my feet. Each stage is a new learning curve for the whole family. We've never had a 5-almost-6-year old. We're newbies every single day. (bless those first borns. bless you.) We try all our new parenting tactics out on his precious heart and sometimes it's a win and sometimes it's an unfortunate (and apologetic) fail on our parts. With Zoey, we adapt, but it's not the first time. When it's a hard day I say to John, "don't you remember when Jack went through this?" or "she's responding so different than Jack." And we laugh and reminisce and say a thankful prayer that we're not newbies with our dear second born.

Thus, the reason why I started writing in the first place (other than to document and reflect on this journey called motherhood) was to help balance the feelings of what-on-EARTH-is-happening with the these-moments-pass-so-quickly. 

And yet, I want our little Birdie girl to look back and see her milestones reflected on as well.

like the moments when she smiles at me and says, "I brave, Mommy."
or when she sees a new dress I got her and claps her hand over her mouth. "oh, my goodness! it's beautiful!!" she squeals in the highest pitch voice you ever did hear.

I also love hearing her little vocabulary grow and develop. We still have a few milestones to reach on that and we will keep working hard, but every day I hear a new word I didn't hear before and thanks to her and her brother's imaginative play, their dialogue has gone from a few words to puppy playmates. (they're currently pretending they are adventure puppies in the next room.) He's so good for her and she for him. They tend to each other's little friendship soul and encourage one to be a bit more rough and the other to be a little more gentle.



Zoey is fiercely loyal to her big brother and can often be found defending him on the playground, "don't you say that to my BRUVER! you a monster!" And a smack may or may not follow.

Or recently, when we tried out a new babysitter (it did not go well.) and she informed us when we got home that she is concerned about our little girl because she tried to choke this babysitter. In defending her brother who was getting in trouble. I'm not saying it was right, but I am saying that to be scared of this petite 3 year old is funny all in itself.

She's spunky and sassy and sweet and sensitive. She's nurturing and cuddly and loves to sing and dance.

I think the hardest thing to watch during this move was the way she's grown to dislike babies. She's not as forward as Jackboy is and tends to keep to herself for a little bit. Her feelings have been hurt so many times in meeting new friends and one can only be called a "baby" so many times. She toughs it out and keeps going back into the ring, but I see her reject little babies who she used to welcome with open arms. Maybe its part of her age and development, but she doesn't want to be a baby and doesn't want to play with babies. Maybe it's just a phase.

They may or may not have come up with a game at Chick Fi Lay called Team Rocket. Which they decided meant to push babies.

I can't make this stuff up.

I love watching her grow and become more of a little girl every day as the toddler phase slowly leaves us. Though I am glad I can still carry her when she's sleeping or cuddle her when she's sad.

The other day she watched Dumbo for the first time. When Baby Mine came on she yelled my name over and over. "Mom! it's your song!" I don't sing it to her every night, but when she was a little baby I used to sing it to her all the time. I rushed in so we could watch it together. (and then proceeded to have a good cry for that moment and other goodbyes to birth mom's that breaks my heart.) She hasn't asked to watch that movie again and I don't blame her. Why is it so sad?


songs that remind me of you, little Bird.

big 3-3

birthdays continue on, even in new places.  even apart.

there's a very special little one whose birthday is on the 7th of july. we celebrated it from thousands of miles away, but we prayed for her, thought about her and wished we were close to her. she turned one and i can hardly believe we've been in this adoption journey for a year already! our love for her has grown so greatly in our hearts and we can't wait when we can celebrate with her. we think of her every day and pray (and beg) that next year we will have her in our arms to celebrate. Here's a vague, but real picture of her celebrating her 1st birthday far, far away, over ocean and land at 10pm at night. hopefully, one day soon, we won't have to be so vague and we can shout it from the rooftops (and Facebook posts ;) 

next year, little one.

and on the 11th we celebrated this guy and the 33 years he's been on earth.

here's jack quoting spanky when he says "i'm not hearing this. i'm not hearing this,"

i wish i could express how much he really means to me and how as each year passes i grow to love him more and more. we've found a rhythm together and he's encouraged me to be the best version of myself. he stretches me, believes in me and challenges me to try new things and take good risks. he's loyal, respectful and a man of integrity. i love living life with him. it's never boring and definitely never lacking tasks (which sometimes goes against my chill-and-relax personality) but we've learned to meet in the middle and that a balanced life needs both. i will say, those laugh lines that curve around the sides of his eyes are from a lot of laughing and smiling. he lives life full and well. 

(delayed) mother's day post. a look back.

Mother's Day 2015

Mother's Day

2014

Mother's Day 2013

time just goes so fast. i can't believe how quickly these last five years have gone and how these little ones have grown and changed and their little personalities develop. love watching them grow and change and so thankful to help steer them. thankful for grace to start the next day anew.

little zoey

There once was this little peanut who stole my heart with her tiny person. Her delicate features, mannerisms, kind heart and spunky personality drew people in everywhere she went.

She smiled at strangers, admired babies, loved every animal big, small, dangerous or…no longer living.

She loved to stay up late, our little night owl, and had moved permanently into her big brother's room to sleep on his trundle every night. She is a loyal friend and will tell you all sorts of stories, even if at three years old you can only understand so much. She is a little entertainer and will dance circles around the family room, spinning in an arms out-legs out stance.

She laughs, makes jokes, already learned that farting will make people laugh and any sort of "butt" comment will get a giggle from her brother.

Zoey, our little girl, you are growing so quickly. We love you so.

growing

Where have you gone, little ones? 

You're saying all sort of fun things like 

"baby"

"mama"

"dadddy!"

"ball" 

"jack-jack"

"bubbles"

"bye-bye"

"hello"

"beebee"

"blankee"

you love to cuddle with your blanket and baby. you already nurture, care for, feel empathy for crying babies, hug new friends, run away from strangers, cling to my hip like a little monkey and ask for more candys every time we pass the cupboard.

you are sassy and adventurous; climbing couches and dressers and playhouses. you run and fall a hundred times, but you don't mind. you get right back up. unless you see your daddy, than all you want is for him to hold you.

you already make fun noises and laugh at yourself or if we're laughing you join in. 

you love to color and draw, lying flat on your tummy.

you love to put hats on and bracelets and shoes.

your hair sometimes is in your face, when you first wake up.

you've learned to use both hands to move it away, even if it's connected by boogers.

you love to snuggle up and lately i can hear your tiny voice saying

"mama. mama."

and when daddy walks in the door,

"daddy!"

you make our hearts melt.

you are my little sunshine. i love you, zoeybird.

jack,

you started telling me stories about

jack in the beanstock

singing songs like 

"rock, crank, zing!" (really original)

loving daniel tiger's neighborhood

learning beatle's songs and bible songs 

loving on your sister and talking in your sweet, high voice to her.

nurturing her.

protecting her.

laughing with her and tickling her.

you run barefoot in the backyard.

take baths and have started to pretend.

you sing songs and make us laugh with jokes like 

"zoey, if you don't stop crying i'm going to throw you out the window!"

(that was a one time joke, of course.)

your heart, my dear boy, is changing and developing. i can already see you are

curious

loyal

desire justice and fairness

will play with anyone-however old

will greet anyone you meet, anywhere.

will always first say to them "cars! trucks! trains!"

and lately,

"hi. i'm Jack! do you wanna play with me?"

i've also discovered how much you love one-on-one time. 

you like to walk around the library together. get bagels. sing our favorite song (some nights)

get a car at goodwill and you are really great company.

i love being with you.

hearing your thoughts and your heart.

answering your questions (even when you are very certain you know the answer)

and just being near you.

you are kind. you are special. just the way you are, my jackboy.

the walk

This song.
So good.

//

The beautiful, spring weather is officially upon us. The allergies have mostly gone (or at least that's what I'm telling myself) and despite a couple sneezes in the morning and irresistibly itchy eyes (it just feels so good to itch them) the feel-like-I've-been-run-over-by-a-truck days seem to have passed. For now.

Though today after a fun outdoor playdate Jack came home and wanted to just "lay in his bed a while" and he did. Sniffling the whole time. Poor bug.

But I haven't wanted that to stop his exploration of the outdoors. His two-year-old endless energy seems to be shifting into this late three year old/early four year old more focused activity and dramatic play. (at least for this boy.) I'm trying to continue to encourage the running and jumping and getting breathless and sweaty. I was never a huge fan of the outdoors and maybe if I had been pushed a bit more I would enjoy it a little bit? Maybe? Eh, who knows. We do have quite a bit of fun with our after-dinner-dance parties. That always gets our heart rate up.

Oh, and our walks around the neighborhood.
The real reason why we purchased this home and the recharge and refresh it brings and we often need after a long day or week.
The views are simply breathtaking and make every juniper tree in our yard (the culprit of our dreaded allergies) worth it. To inhale the mountain air and get to the top of a hill and watch Jack run down like a free bird. It recharges us all and it's out our front door.

Our home is old and needs a lot of lovin' and it's a process (like everything?) John is a planner and a saver so that results in a lot of dreams and chats and drafts and slow progress.

That's okay, he happened to marry a woman who doesn't love change.
I lived with kitchen carpet for a year and a half. I can live with a 1970's stove for four.

Our bathrooms are all-original and are in need of repair, but other than that it's okay. It fits.

Jack has recently been talking a lot about the difference between old and new and how something old can be better than something new. And even what those words mean. He wants a "new" house, like the one in California? A different house? Or a newer house? We talk lots about old classics; old cars, old music, old people, trees and how things just often get better with age. I think he's getting it. I'm not always sure, but one thing is for certain. He is getting so much, sometimes I don't know how he can keep it all in his little brain. 

John loves fueling those thoughts and often their bedtime prayers turn into thorough stories and adventures full of cause and effect and life lessons tied in with Huckle and Lowlie the worm. He has so many questions, so much wonder and is so open to mirroring whatever you do and say. It is so crazy and scary to me sometimes.

One thing is for certain. Jack loves his Zoey. He is so concerned about her and her well being. Whether or not she is choking (a-hem, I may have been the cause of that, haha) or if she does something cute he's always the first to point it out "Look, Mama! Zoey did it!" 

Anyhow, back to the walk. Sorry, I get a little side tracked sometimes.

(p.s. Jack asked to wear this on the walk. I couldn't deny Santa jammie bottoms with sandals. I mean, who could?)

This is the view on our walk. It's definitely desert beauty and doesn't have a whole lot on deep green forests full of giant, ancient trees and water falls and creeks around every corner, but its what we got and we find beauty in it because to not be would be a life less lived.

The clouds capture a feeling of the breeze that day. It was just right.

At the end of our neighborhood is a giant property with young bulls and horses on it. It turns into gravel and we drive the dusty roads to this area. Our favorite spot is about to have a house built on it and maybe one day a gate keeping it closed. Whatever comes, it's beautiful. And in the summer? Full of these beautiful purple blossoms.

Jack stopped to draw on the ground and run his cars through the rocks and dirt. He wanted to find "clues" and match the print to what animal it could be. We told him it was a hoof print and so he drew his own prints.

I love the horse in the back ground trying to get in the shot too.

That was a fun day.

And this song is a good song too.

life

Our Mom's group recently started reading this book together. It is so good, so real and vulnerable. We've been having this mom's group for almost a year and we went deep during those often-interrupted 45 minutes and it was good.

On another note, the other night during our homegroup Jack decided to sit next to John and mimic everything he was saying--as he was saying it. It was hilarious. It took a lot of convincing to distract Jack and he wasn't really being cheeky. He was genuinely trying to be like daddy, haha. It was kind of like this skit.

Here is Zoey trying to hold two babies at once. 

Birdie ate asparagus and loved it. She loves her food. I can see where she gets that from.

Who is this big boy in Christmas pajamas? He has grown up much too fast.

Again, Zoey with the asparagus. Haha.

They really recently started enjoying baths together and although the older one still likes to take up most of the bath tub with his cars and trucks, little sister has begun to enjoy playing with the toys and splashing in the water too.

I've kind of got a rhythm down where I wash both of their hair and bodies as quick as possible and let them play for a bit. It really is just as easy to wash two as it is to wash one.

This girl is really starting to develop her personality. It's already so clear that she likes to have fun. She has a deep belly laugh and is incredible ticklish. Her first "word" if you will is "tickle-tickle-tickle" as she tickles her little tummy and asks you to. I love this about her. She also loves to hug baby dolls and real babies and is always saying "Yeha" when she sees a baby.

Her heart is so full of joy and carefree happiness. I can not wait to see the kind of woman she develops and grows into. What a journey! This tiny little person who will one day and grow and be her own woman. I can hardly believe it.

I can also hardly believe that Zoeybird is almost done nursing. It's kind of sad, but it's kind of time. I love those moments and if I let myself think about it too long I start to feel sad and regret having John always put her down. I am not holding my breath though because she was up quite a bit last night. But without nursing during the day there's a whole lot of nothing there for her to eat, so I think she's a little bummed too.

It's good, it's healthy, it's time. We're going to San Francisco in a couple of weeks (just the two of us) and hope to have her fully weaned by then. Sort of bittersweet, but worth it.

Those moments were so sweet and precious. Nursing isn't my favorite part of mothering, but the release of those happy hormones sure is awesome. I do miss that. I will always miss that. (is that selfish?)

little Zoey after being nursed to sleep. Those moments were so sweet.