Second time around...(cue step by step theme song)

Things I wish someone had told me the first time mothering...

Don't panic over a sleepless night. Babies change so quickly and what you think is a problem one day is something else the next.

Nurse when the baby wants to nurse. Cuddle more and try to worry about sleep a little less.

Drink so much water.

Choose joy, even when you are fighting lonely fatigue.

These last couple of weeks have not been easy. The adjustment has gone well but then Jack got sick and then by all his irresistible cuddles and kisses he passed it to his sister...the beginning of so many shared germs.

Then she got really sick. I don't have much experience with newborn colds but let me tell you what. They are scary. But she survived, our little fighter, and is on the mend.

But seriously, two week olds can get colds? That shouldn't be allowed.

Then I battled two clogged ducts. Yikes. Breast feeding and I kind of have a love/hate relationship. It's really a wonderful thing, but challenging and a whole other level of adjustment when you have a newborn. Totally worth it but can be tricky. I wish someone had told me it was ok to kind of love/hate it. And that once you get in a rhythm with it, you will love it immensely.

So here we are. Three weeks in, going on a week of house arrest and the kiddos are doing better. Praise Jesus.

It's a beautiful time. Challenging for both Jack and I to adjust to the shift in our rhythm, but he's getting the hang of it. So am I. Slowly. And man. Does he ever love his sister. He wants to kiss her all the time. He calls her his 'bruder' even though I remind him she's his sister. Tonight he wanted her to be in bed with him, but I told him when shes a little bit bigger. He's such a tender hearted little man.

I just pray Zoey stays healthy and we can re-enter the world of playdates and trips to Goodwill on dollar day and playing outside before it snows again.

My heart longs to look in the mirror & see all the post pregnancy fat to be shriveled into my normal skin. Just to be honest. I know it takes time. And that's alright. We did invest in a treadmill and I can not wait to start using it.

The days are warm and sunny and I am anxious to go for walks. Now that Zoey is pretty much over her cold we will venture out more and let Jack run wild more. Yesterday I opened the screen door and my poor son sat by the open door and played with his cars the whole time. He didn't ask to go out. I probably failed as a mom on that end. What two year old boy doesn't want to go play outside.

We must play outside more.

I am feeling rested and refreshed today. An evening trip to walmart can do that to a young mama. My man is truly incredible and so supportive, loving and helpful. I am in awe of him and the way Jesus uses Him in my life. He's the best running party I could have imagined (and as a young girl, I imagined a lot. Let me tell you.)

Here's to March. Remembering His presence. Clinging to what I know is true of Him. Keep Gods presence your passion.

Spring. One month old baby. Two year old delightful boy and a freshness that can't be duplicated in these first few months of a new baby's life. Everything feels new and a little unbalanced, but so thankful for experience and the reminder that these moments go oh, so fast.

Rhythm

I wrote this a couple days before Zoey was born and I feel like I should have published it. Just to remember.

Still no sign of our little bug. Maybe on Groundhog Day?

I'm longing to meet her, and more than just that I'm aching to make sure everything is okay and all is well and healthy.

Pregnancy is such an odd waiting game of trust and rest in knowing only God knows the outcome. It has stretched my faith and trust in ways I don't think I could have been stretched if I didn't get to experience this magic.

I've been thinking all month of a word for this year. I've gone around and around so much and couldn't seem to think of one.

John & I were brainstorming and after seeing how last years word was nothing to mess with, (boy did I learn how to adjust. In some awesome/difficult ways) I feel like this year...2012, I need to find the rhythm that He wants to set my feet to. The rhythm I tend to avoid because life gets busy and my pace seems better. The rhythm He has set of being a mom to two, a wife to a pastor who works so hard, a wife to a writer who loves his outlet and needs it. The rhythm of family time, rest time, getaway solo time, late night nursings and investing and getting to know women from church & outside of church. To continue to discover His rhythm for ministry and where He wants me to serve. And waiting on His voice and His timing.

The new rhythm of a family of four sometimes scares me. Of trying to balance quality time with John with Jack's love and enthusiasm for life and Zoey's new life. I think, like most people, changing our rhythm and pace can be difficult. Some people thrive. John and I tend to be a little reluctant at times, especially when we weren't expecting the change.

But man, every change in rhythm has brought growth and depth in character. It's so worth it.

I'm also hoping to learn the rhythm of health and becoming active and intentional about eating healthy, exercising regularly and learning to love it. (I'll be honest, that's the hardest part for me.)

I hope to go with the rhythm of seasons and truly enjoy them. Metaphorically speaking and the actual change in seasons. I love me some cold weather and after living in Arizona for almost nine (!!!) years, you would have thought I would be used to its relentless (albeit beautiful) sun by now. Getting there.

Hopes for much outside water play, hikes and walks around our neighborhood, trips to the zoo and beyond are in my hopeful future. Fall and winter will come again, they typically do.

There are so many things that a new year brings. So many unforeseen changes and growth. So many obstacles and moments of hurt and changes that we didn't expect. But I do think He alone can bring the change we long for and He is so faithful to do that.

two weeks

Sorry for the delay. 

Things have been a little busy round here.

John is home until tomorrow and it has been a blissful little vacation. I think one of the best family vacations possible with two little ones.

We are savoring this time with our little bird and loving the moments with Jack. The good and hard ones. 

Us at the hospital right after she was born. I still can't over that I had just given birth. I felt so different (wonderful, really) and immediately after her tiny self came into the world I thought I could do it again.

For she was only 6lb 14oz. What else was in there? I was huge!!

She is so easy going. She loves to snuggle, nurse, make tiny little noises and cry, too, of course.

Her eyes look so old. As if there's an old soul in there reading your heart.

We were blessed to have John's mama come for two weeks! It was so wonderful and really good for Jack to get to know his daddy's mom. She is such a gem and the time spent together will be cherished.

Then, Jackboy got a bad cold and could often be found in places like this.

or doing things like this...

 

Our little family of four. p.s. I looked down because I looked huge and was so swollen. It helped...?

My mom also came up for a bit to see Zoey.  So, so precious.

My man, the daddy of two. It is still sinking in. It's still kind of scary, but after two weeks in...I feel ready. Bring it on. Just don't ask me to go grocery shopping with the two of them yet. Not. Quite. Ready for that adventure.

She is here!

Well, one week ago today that is.

Our little Zoey Evelyn was born last Wednesday morning at 4:35am weighing in at 6lbs 14oz. She was a full two pounds smaller than her brother Jack. They share a similar look, but Zoey is just a mini version of him. She is so petite; even her cry is petite. We are very much falling in love with her and treasuring these early days.

Jack is handling it...well. He loves on her and asks for her every time he wakes up. He also loves to rub her head with the palm of his hand and give her tiny kisses. He doesn't love having his daddy hold her, however, and that's been the hardest part thus far. He's also developed a raspy cough, which kind of scares me. It didn't take long for real life to jump into the newborn bliss. I'm praying Zoey doesn't get it and praying that Jack heals up quickly.

The birth was truly wonderful. As soon as it was over I felt ready to do it again. I do think that the two pound difference between Jack and Zoey helped a bit too. ;) I got an incredible epidural (though that was probably the scariest part) and she was born within a few hours from when we got to the hospital.

Our little family of four is settling in nicely and I feel like I'm kind of on a baby high. A feeling I didn't really experience with Jack. I loved him and being a new mama, but was scared out of my mind. This time around is better. Smoother. Less terrifying. Something I've prayed for for the last nine months. Thank you, Jesus. My cup runneth over.

Monsoon

Well, once again, it's been too long, old blog.

I guess I've been hoping that our little one would arrive and then I would have something exciting to write about.

...but she hasn't.

Sure, I could write about the wonderful playdates this week, or the dinners that I thought might 'be my last before giving birth.' (bad idea, FYI. But I'm all about the last-time-before-life-changes moments)

Or, I could document the moments of panic of thinking, "oh no. I have to give birth again." but that fades with the hope of a successful epidural and swift delivery.

My sweet little niece Juniper is growing so quickly! I can't believe she's already a week old!

            

I should have written about how precious Jack has been and although his naps have somehow shortened this week, I am loving every second we get to share. I'm somehow learning to love this kiddo more and more each day. Like right now, he's also cozied up to me like a little bear in our bed. John snores softly and Zoey kicks/turns her shoulders/I don't know but it's kinda uncomfortable. I have found the blogger app and write in the dark because, hello, it's a Saturday morning at 7am. We like to pretend we get to sleep in.

I should have also written about my incredible man and how he took the morning off yesterday so we could go on a date one last time. We saw the movie Hugo (absolutely incredible and beautiful and inspiring) and in the middle of the movie I got a little starving (no surprise there.) John returned with a pretzel and reece pieces in hand and we snacked away like two teenagers. After the 10am movie (best time to see a movie, in my opinion) we were off to lunch and some coffee with a good book. It was a time I won't forget.

Those days will be missed. For a little while anyway. Not that that they happen regularly or that life can't go on without them, but man. It sure is nice to get away with the one you love. I've learned that I love any kind of afternoon dates compared to evening dates. I just get too sleepy in the evenings. I have so much to say first thing in the morning (obviously. Its only 7:07am.)

I reckon that might be all I would/should have written about in the last week. I'd try to leave out the occasional meltdowns of wondering "will she ever be born?" or the painful contractions that caused frustration and fear-of-whats-to-come. Those times are good to be forgotten and didn't help much anyway.

But here we are, the last Saturday in January, a day I've looked forward to for many, many months. Hopefully, this time next week we will have met our little Zoey bird. I feel ready. In fact, I'm kind of out of stuff to do and everything on my list is done. To which John asked, "do you want something from my list?" or "we don't need to spend any more money." he generally is saying one of the two. ;)

Maybe I should savor this time. The calm before a storm. A beautiful, mid-July, whirlwind of a monsoon kind of storm. Like most summer days in Arizona, I can't wait for that monsoon.

 

one down. one to go.

My brother and his wife had their baby this morning at 2am! After a very long labor, she finally arrived and is as cute as can be.

I woke up a few times last night in hopeful anticipation that she would be here. Only this morning did we finally see her little, perfect face. Juniper Rose, in all her beauty.

She's just perfect!

Once my sister in law Mel (yes, her name is Melanie too) had her kiddo I knew I was next. The reality of that sentence freaks me out/fills me with so much excitement I can't even sleep. And its only 6:50am and for the first time in WEEKS, Jack is still asleep. Why is it that when he sleeps in, I can't? Ps. My stomach is growwwlling right now.

I am seriously large at this point and feeling so ready. I've been having a lot of contractions, but trying not to get my hopes up. I have a doctor appointment this morning and pretty much counting on her to say, "you are barely a one." but I can hope for more, right?

nearly there

So, I think we are on the home stretch. 37 weeks.


I am feeling so, so ready. and huge. Oh, did I mention huge? 

On Friday I had THREE different strangers comment on how big I am. 

#1 said: "Wow, I bet you can't wait until that's over." To which I ignored and kept walking.

#2 said: (after looking at me and whispering something to his wife. who then went and picked up a snickers candy bar." they looked back at me again and she said, "yeah, she was even bigger than her." 

#3 was an over weight guy with a family and his wife who commented (in the same line) "wow! she is HUGE!" 

Ok, okay, I get it. Alright? I am large. But seriously? A little respect for the pregnant peeps? Can we say something like, 

"Oh mam, you look exhausted. Can I carry out your groceries for you? Oh, and how about I just pay for them too."
 
or

"Wow, mama, you look tired. Do you want some free cookies?"
 
Thankfully, the Lord knows my tender, hormonal heart and brought forth a delightful cure on Sunday afternoon. 

After a frustrating morning with Jack (mostly because he can outrun, out jump, out kick and out energize me these days) and a long morning without John, I drove home solo and stopped in at Safeway for some shampoo, eye liner and root beer. 

When I walked in, everyone smiled like we were in a Disney movie or something. I felt like Belle in the beginning of Beauty and the Beast. Best part? When I walked up to the Starbucks island to FREE mocha frappachino samples. It was heavenly. Just what I needed. The nice stranger next to me said, "You should take two, mama! Enjoy!" I declined (mostly because Pizza hut was waiting around the corner) but also because one was just enough.

Oh yeah, and the shampoo and eyeliner were on sale, yo! It's the little things. Truly.

I feel like a planning maniac these days. Now that I've spent almost two months worth of our grocery budget worth (hey, I'm skipping February all together this year. I'm hoping to not go to the store unless it is for cabbage leaves or nursing pads.) I am beginning to feel ready. To settle into this idea that in just a couple of weeks time I'll be snuggling a fresh, little newborn. So tiny and beautiful. So prayed for and anticipated. Also, so loved. I've started in on my raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil capsules and can hardly believe I'm already at 37 weeks. The time has just flown.

Jack got to meet his first real newborn last week. A friend of mine had a baby boy and we went up to meet him. Of course Jack wanted to touch his eyes and nose and face, but he also didn't seem overzealous about the idea. At least he didn't hit him. I'm not kidding. And somehow I could help him put tires back on his car and hold this little swaddled being at the same time. I was so encouraged.

Some of my last month craving are:

-anything with cinnamon. preferably red hots or hot tamales. yum.

-greek yogurt with a little bit of nutella mixed in. hello.

-slices of mild chedder cheese. still. kills me.

-clementines. i've downed so many of those guys.

-cinnamon chex cereal.

-all sorts of soups.

still not lovin'...

mexican food

salsa

or anything with too much kick to it.

//

I've declined the impossible responsibility to do a 366 picture a day this year. it's just not the year. I am attempting to do a 366 on instagram with my phone, but those pictures are more for fun. I'm going to just try and take pictures, period.

....still thinking of goals and dreams for this next coming year. last year the goal ended up becoming quite a bit more of a reality that I have anticipated. I love it when Jesus works that way.

that post is in the making...

//

On Saturday morning we had a full breakfast and a nice sleep in. Well, for John and I. Jack was up at 6am. Per usual. We just keep on sleeping. Or at least we try to.

I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge how I'll miss the three of us. So thankful for the foundation that has been set, but sad to see our time as a trio leave. I'm so nostalgic.

I pray that they can continue to have a deep bond that lasts a lifetime. That they're a safe place for each other full of acceptance and grace.

This boy loves his do-do's. Oh, and also sitting in a 'big-boy chair.'