a look back

I meant to post this months ago. I just stumbled upon it today and man, how much they have changed.

Jack still has the curls that begin around the top of his neck and Zoey still has that dreamy smile that makes me miss her when she's sleeping, but somehow they keep changing. 

The seasons are changing once again and winter has quickly left this western state and spring is already upon us. I keep tabs on the weather in Ohio (where I grew up) and I know the grass (or snow) is always greener on the other side, but something about my past, my childhood, my roots makes me miss those white spring days when one minute it would feel like spring and the next we'd be preparing for a snow storm. I love diverse weather and wish I could pass that on to my kids.

But alas, Arizona is beautiful and perfect and a whole different time.

And maybe I love just love the changing weather because it reminds me of being a kid. Of snow days in March and building a fire while we my brother and I still pretend it's Christmas. And oh, when the thunderstorms and tornados come in the spring and summer, that is fun too.

Instead I shall educate my kids on the desert flowers and juniper trees (which we are all allergic too.) I shall make sure they know lots about scorpions and javalinas and monsoons and forest fires. The West has diversity to it too.

There is this awesome family in our church who have five kids. Five kids and she homeschools them all. She is a carefree, relational, and intentional spirit. I try to take mental notes when I'm around her because I truly want to mirror the way she interacts with her eleven year old son whose braces take up most of his face at this point. I look at her and see pieces of myself years down the road, connecting and  joking with my pre-teen Jack. The possibility of him being kind of awkward is high, but all I keep thinking is that I want him to know how much I love him and like having him around. Because maybe I won't (all the time...if I'm honest) and I'm pretty sure he'll need to hear it more than the way I show it.

My friend and I chatted about how to keep from lecturing and how to respond when a pre-teen wants hot chocolate at 10pm. And then I looked and both of my kids were screaming in the car. It was like 11:30, sorry kiddos. Lunch came next.

I know those years will be here sooner than I think, oh Lord, give me Your grace to raise this childin's. 'cause I have no clue what I'm really doing. 

This was August of 2012, our last trip to the zoo.

little Birdie.

Oh, those toes!

halloween 2012

Before I travel onward to the rest of the Cali trip, I have to back up to Halloween. Mostly to document so my kiddos know I didn't forget to capture their cuteness, but also because it was pretty fun.

Prescott is the dream place to trick or treat and how wonderful it is to go with good friends, get a couple pieces of candy and to admire the falling leaves and the Meet Me In St. Louis-esque scenerio. Oh, how I love that scene.

We've gone trick or treating in the same neighborhood, with the same little buddies the last two years. This is our third year. 

Here's Jackboy last year. He refused a costume so he went as a Lumber Jack. Original, I know. We thought it on the way there.

And this was his first Halloween. A 'lil punkin'. I die from the cuteness. Seriously, every time.

This year was a little different. John had to work and so I was flyin' solo. I typically don't love flying solo with both kids, especially somewhere with so many people around. But we made it and it was so worth it.

Jack and some of his buddies. So, so cute to see them all together.

They literally held hands the entire time. Too cute.

 And the next morning when Jack wasn't looking, Zoey went trick or treating too.

fall.

my favorite season has graced us with it's presence once again. funny how that happens. i love it more every year we live here.

the kids haven't quite got the memo that on cold, overcast morning you are supposed to snooze in bed and enjoy the warmth of the comforter.

so, not too long after we awoke we went to a pumpkin patch to celebrate october in all it's beauty.

and my man wore zoey the entire time. they are so cute together. melts my heart every time.

and jack had a blast. he pretty much has a fun time wherever we go.

especially where cars are involved.

prescott has so much beauty.

jack riding a train. he was in heaven.

the pumpkin patch was great fun this year. last year we went to one in michigan. also awesome, but prescott does it's best to keep up and is a close second.

training

We decide to potty train Jack this weekend. We did an intense 3 day, no diapers only underwear kind of thing. It went, alright. He still hasn't gotten #2 down, but he was ready for go pee on the potty. 

It was a lot of work, but so worth it. He's so used to being asked if he has to potty, in fact, that he was pretending last night and told us his friend was "potty trainin'" He said he was playing on the playground. It was the first time I noticed him really pretend.

It was kind of bittersweet, this past weekend. I didn't realize or even think it would feel like that. I was more scared about pee everywhere and poop in the pants than the reality that my little goose was really growing up.

I found myself kind of irritable most of the day. Besides the obvious fact that hovering over a two year old is not an easy thing to do these days, I also realized that I was losing a little more of my baby that day. And it is only the beginning. I'm not sure if it was because he's a boy and I know from here on out, he'll need John a little more and me a little less. It's normal, it's good, it's growing, I just didn't expect it to sting a little. Literally every time I told him how proud I was of him and how much I loved him, I would tear up. I can be emotional, but I don't cry often. I found myself on the verge of crying most of the weekend and mostly out of joy. Relishing in the joy that we've made it this far with our little man and Lord willing we have many years to come, but what a good little guy he has become. He's my first born. He'll always, always hold such a special place in my heart. Poor guy gets the trial run for pretty much everything, but the love in his heart. Man, he has a lot of love in there. And so, so much grace. 

Where will he go in life? What will he want to learn? How can we best fuel his dreams and talents? Oh, Lord. Please give us lots of grace and wisdom on how to raise this precious kiddo. I'm so proud of him.

Lately he's kind of found his emotions and when he's really upset he'll go to his room and cry and talk while he's crying (I have a feeling he's a verbal processor. Kind of like his mama.) and when I go in there to talk to him he'll say to me, "Don't say me, mama! Don't say me." Which I think translates into "Don't talk to me." Which is fine. I've found myself letting him cry/rant as long as he needs to in his room until he's ready to come back out. Apart of me grins when he does it and another part of me is so thankful he's not a stuffer and his passion and frustration is there and he's not afraid to let it out. We'll see if that continues.

Potty training is just the beginning. Next it's learning how to ride a bike, going to children's church instead of the nursery, and one day school. I know it's meant to happen, but not sure how to better prepare myself that we let go a little every day. It's sad, but so necessary for them to grow and become their own person. Here goes nothin'.

change will do ya good

The monsoons have rolled in this week. It feels so good to have clouds in the afternoon and hear the gentle hum of the evap cooler. I could get lost in these afternoons.

We've eaten so much fruit this summer, I wonder if we'll get tired of it. Rainer cherries, watermelon, peaches, raspberries, blueberries (mostly Costco-portions) Yum...summer. I think I might have developed a little crush on you.

Yesterday was hot. The hottest day of summer, so far. I woke up grouchy (very grouchy.) I thought you weren't supposed to get back an unpleasant visitor when you breastfeed, but apparently, my body just can't survive without it. I felt like I was 13 again, dreading the week of every month. Haha. I also woke up hungry, which is just never a good sign of how the morning will pan out. It was a hot night and Zoey wanted to eat most of it so I was feeling a little sleep deprived. Plus, I knew it was supposed to be almost 100 degrees. Not that I should complain, the rest of America has been a lot more uncomfortable lately.

I, just, don't really dig hot weather. 

But yesterday I decided to cheer up and embrace it. How bad could it be? I mean, come on, it's not Phoenix. It's Prescott. There's still afternoon clouds, trees, water...

So, Jack and I dug out the little kiddie pool, filled it with very hot (but soon cool) water and he swam around with his trucks while I soaked my toes. And man, did it feel good. We ate popsicles and chatted the morning away. I caught up on things on the social media side of things and he had a big truck to tow in the water.

It was all good until I got the bright idea to give him a bath out there. His hair had begun to stink (like a 2 year old's summer hair should) and it needed to be washed. I tried to make it sound fun; brought out bubbles and a wash cloth, but he did not like the idea. He didn't like the cold water against his bare skin and he did not like the idea of getting a bath outside. It just isn't meant to happen! It was pretty hilarious and I quickly agreed to let him go into the bath tub. As he sat down in his familiar environment he sighed, "I like my bath tub, mama. Not outside." 

Okay, buddy. Okay.

Jack likes his routine, his consistency...he likes things just the way they are. (Kind of sounds like another guy in our house..oh, and me.) 

So when I suggested he move to a big boy bed and let Zoey have his crib he looked optimistic at first, but when he realized what that actually meant. Oh, no.

"Mama, I like my bed. It my favorite. Zoey sleep in your bed." 

Which is true, but she's getting for her own space and Jackboy is in need of a big boy bed and pull ups and no more pacifier (Wow. Re-reading that makes me sound like I really want him to grow up. That's not it.) I just can tell he's ready. Every step of the way I wanted to be patient with him and let him go at his own pace. I didn't push tummy time, I waited until he seemed ready for rice cereal, he slept with us until 7 months (and until he was rolling in circles all night long.) I waited those extra months before moving him to the big boy carseat, because I wanted to make sure he was ready. But it was incredible how quickly he readjusted and embraced the new season. The more I tended to push change, the more he resisted. Going from two naps to one? Took him a while, but when he adjusted, wow. It was wonderful. It seems the older he gets, the harder it gets to change his routine. Which makes complete sense. I reckon it will keep getting more difficult the older he gets. He's human and a man of routine. I love it.

I kept trying to coax him into the idea of a big boy bed until he climbed into his crib, laid down on his pillow and yelled.

"No, mama! It my bed!" 

But I just have this feeling that once he's in a big boy bed, he will love it. Once he lets me set his little toosh on the toilet, he will love it! (He will also enjoy the incentives we have for him in the garage.) He knows it's coming, but I don't want to push it. I know he'll get there, but I know he can do it. He's a strong kiddo and change, unfortunately, is a very real, central part to life. I just hope I can teach him how to adjust with joy and grace. I imagine this is the whole dilemma that causes mom-anxiety and teenage angst.

Oh, Lord, give me grace.

And some thunderstorms this week. Please.