nothing to get hung about

so, we adventured out again. 

this time with new friends and kids a plenty.

for a minute there, i felt like i was time traveling (re: amy poehler's book) 

we ate apple crumble pie and drank tea and had to wear a sweater because it was a chilly morning.

it was wonderful. i drifted back to childhood days in ohio at apple farms, drinking cider and sampling maple syrup. this wasn't quite that, but it was drinking real apple juice (and later apple slushies with a scoop of ice cream) and driving on a dirt road past apple trees and going into a shop with homemade jams and apple butters. it was california-close. and the kids loved it.

and it was around this moment that i looked around and thought to myself, 

we're going to be okay.

it was a bit rocky there for a couple of weeks and sleep was restless and my inner person was wrestling with the true discomfort of change and missing everything we love and knew. 

but seeing these open strawberry fields, watching jack run down the trenches, Zoey slowly picking up the tiniest berries and eating as many as she picked, i had a deep sense of affirmation that we are right where we are supposed to be. 

its on hard days that i find Jesus often wants to affirm that He knows our hearts, our deep needs and what we need to renew and give us courage in our steps. for me, it was the strawberry fields on a cool, cloudy and windy day. 

and i think it may have given jack the boost he needed too. he loved exploring and picking the berries and playing with new friends. 

we know we're here for a purpose, in this city and during this time. we aren't sure what it is but we trust that Jesus does and that He'll carry us and direct us to where He wants us to be. 

i can see His hand in the friends that we've met so far, the parents of the kids we've met on the playground, the home that we're living in and the neighborhood too. He's up to something. I'm not quite sure what it is just yet or what more He'll ask of us to do (isn't that the fun part?) but I'm all in. We're all in.

seasons

We said goodbye to the church building we came to long ago when Jack was just a little bug in my belly.

My goodness. Who are those young folks?? 

(And my goodness! how our bodies change!) 

What a wonderful season it has been. What great memories are held at that building and my, what memories are to be made ahead.

We wait as the seasons change and spring is turning into summer. Rain has come a little late for our small city, but last night we were awoken to a thunderstorm. Jack joined me in bed and we were able to listen to the rain fall on the roof for a few minutes. I love a good middle of the night rain.

We recently got back from visiting my brother and sister in law in Nashville, TN. How wonderful it was to feel the green grass beneath our feet and feel the humid air at 9am. We slept with the windows open, drove with the windows down, and celebrated the limited allergy attacks.

We spent most of the day time together, truly bonding as a little fam. Sometimes it's hard to do that with young kids. Somewhere along the way these two entered into a new season too. Gone are the days of making sure they don't put hidden trash in their mouths or making sure they don't fall on sharp coffee table corners. We've entered into the days of pretend play, watching their little bond form and time spent together laughing and adventuring together. We know (and hope) there are more days of helicopter parenting ahead of us and anxiously await the day when we can bring home our little one and enjoy all of that again and we can't wait until she joins our adventures. We were pleasantly surprised that they are pretty great travelers and adapted well to new surroundings. The days were relaxing and fun with trips to parks around town while the evenings were spent with my brother and his family until about 2am when we would call it a night. We put the kids to sleep there and stayed up way later than we should have laughing and enjoying each other's company. Siblings are great that way.

There were a lot of laughs shared, a few tears, conversations about our quirky and adorable kiddos and reminiscing about days long past. We enjoyed popsicles and the best BBQ I've ever had, tacos and late night bowls of ice cream with cinnamon. 

There's something really precious about seeing your brother as a dad. Watching your sibling grow up and dreams coming true and some dreams not so much. It's a strange journey that we're on and one that I miss so much spending more time with him and his little family. I'm so thankful for siblings for our kiddos and that they can share that bond and the roots that go so deep with someone else too. 

our house

Our little home has been de-cluttered and deep cleaned and just this last week went under contract to be bought. Our first home as a family and where so many dreams came true, sickness fought, loss grieved, diapers dirtied, newborn tears were shed (and postpartum ones), friends laughter and change embraced because, I mean, what else can you do? I have fond memories of dance parties on this carpet and late night chats and little hands learning to walk holding onto that windowsill. Oh, time. You're rushin' me!

and change, my goodness, we've had our battles. i fight it like a kid fighting sleep, but then when it comes it isn't as scary or hard as i had thought. then sometimes it is and i wonder why i didn't fight it harder. ha. but most of the time, it is good. 

(I should probably document here (and tell my future-Jack---you handled this decision like a CHAMP and we cried and talked about how we would remember him, but ultimately we let go and got a set of caterpillar dump truck off amazon, to help ease the pain. It helped, but we will always miss him.)  We had to re-home our sweet, sweet Materboy. He is the best dog in the entire world and it was a decision that was so very difficult for us to make. Once we learned we were moving to California (and renting) I just knew that Materboy belonged in this mountain town. He needs a big backyard and a place to run around. We have dear friends who have a 12 year old male lab who Mater loves. They would graciously watch him for us if we ever had to go out of town. The pup is spoiled well there and lives like a little prince! He will have a great life. He is missed and fondly remembered and watching Cars and seeing Mater the tow truck will always be bittersweet for us, but we know he'll have a good, happy life. Complete with his rawhide every night and his kong of peanut butter every morning. Though we will miss our Materboy.

We watched countless monsoons and winter storms out those windows and that lovely, constant Arizona sun poured in every afternoon and morning. It kept our moods from dragging and our skin warm on cold winter days. The backyard, a beautiful escape and child's dream, should not be messed with from about February - May as though juniper trees really get to us, but other than those months it is always full of cozy coops and truck races. We shall miss you, backyard, though I have a feeling our next backyard will be full of new adventures and new hiding places. Can't wait to discover it. Jackboy is a sucker for nostalgia, just like his mama. I keep trying to remind him of the new memories we'll create there. I'm telling myself that too ;) 

It's always interesting to see how people process change, whether sudden or with notice. Some become nostalgic and remember, sometimes through smiles and sometimes through tears, the past and suddenly become very reflective people. Others fight against it, like trying to swim upstream, and hang even more tightly to the few things in life that are consistent, because there aren't many after all. The only constant thing in life is change. Well, that and Jesus! Amiright?

reflect

It's been a while.
It's becoming increasingly more difficult to keep up with this, but I really want to. Really want to have something to remember these years by.
They're growing so quickly and I'm trying to be present and not let my nostalgic-keepsake self take over.

I hope I can remember the feel of their little fingers on my shoulders.
Their little voices that say, "Mama! Mama!" and beg to be picked up and chased or tickled.

Or that fine, delicate baby hair that grows at different speeds and is just now long enough to pull into a pony tail. 

Those full moon sky eyes that radiate joy and trust and cheekiness.

And as summer's warmth slips away, along with it goes the monsoons and stormy skies.
Snow flurries are coming in the next couple of months and as each season changes I love it more and more.

This summer was especially green. Once the heat of June passed and after the loss of the Hotshots, it was as if the rains couldn't stop. They were too late, but in a way it felt like the city was mourning too, wishing it could go back in time and have been pouring that Sunday afternoon.

Sometimes it's hard to slow down enough to embrace the moments. To stop and rest and choose to see the small joys that could easily be overlooked.

Kiddos do make it easier. They enjoy the moments much better than I can (part of why I love them so.)

Here are a few things and moments that I've loved this summer.

Eating popcorn in the morning.

Displaying hand-picked wild flowers from my boy.

Making forts on the floor and reading books on blankets.

Watching these two develop a friendship.
Today I overheard Jack from another room give Zoey her toy back and say,
"Sorry I took that from you, Zoey."

Such empathy and kindness and tenderness has sprouted from my little guy. He's all adventure, spirit and energy, but there's this sensitive side that Zoey is so greatly pulling out of him. I often wonder why I didn't have two boys; it just seemed like I would. I think I'm beginning to see one of the reasons why. Zoey's tiny features and wobbly walking stirs empathy and calmness in all of us (myself included) and her pleasant nature makes laughter more contagious and encourages more dance-a-thons.

But for my sweet people person son, she has really become a playmate and friend. I find them giggling behind couches and under cushions, reading books or driving around in his jeep. I know they'll go on wondrous adventures, those two.

And for this guy...his little person is developing more each day.
His spirit is ever ready to do more, see more, feel more, and learn more.
This week I've had a hard time keeping up with him. He's always on to the next thing, next adventure and idea. (sounds a lil bit like another male in our house)
For a while I felt like maybe I couldn't handle keeping up with him, maybe he needed more.
but then I remembered how brief childhood is and if not embraced, how much we would be missing. How many creative ideas used to be born in this age and are now limited to "classrooms" and monitored play and scheduled activities. I have nothing against preschool. I love it. But the kid will be in school for the next 16 years, maybe more. I don't want to lessen or cheapen him of his childhood experience at home, outside, at the park and zoo. Allowing him time and freedom to be 4 and nurture his relationship with his sister and to learn how to be alone and imagine exciting adventures all on his own too. Being okay with being alone has never been so lost as it is among us today and I just don't want to take that from him.

'cause this is it. this one short life that we have. I only have the privilege of having him home for the next 14 years. that's it. Can't believe our little goose is almost four already.