31 January 2005

i dont know...

...its most interesting to read what people write on these things...their ideas, their dreams, their goals and their plans for the future...their frusterations and anger and hurt all somehow wrapped into words. its powerful really.

...some days, like today, the desire is so strong to go walking around the stone covered pathway, pass the sheep and occasional cows, over the creek (stopping of course to glance down at the rushing water) and then continuing past the small pond and watching the ducklings trail across the gravel completely covered with "sheep shiza" as so many of us called it. but you know...there's something beautiful in it that i cant go there. but i can still pray and i can still be alone with Jesus and share that personal time with Him, even if the sounds of sheep and cows and wind and occasional car going by or passing a friend who is also walking the same path, are gone. life somehow goes on amidst it all.

...last week i heard someone say "the two most important things in life are your relationship with God and your relationship with other people." and i realize that to be true and important. my pride blurred my vision blindly in seeing that this past weekend. i am tired of being numb to things. sometimes we feel entirely too much and we react simply with our hearts and not our minds. when and how can we change that? is it too late? will one be the way they are for their entire life? i think this is giving Jesus no room to work, to move and to change.

...i got a much encouraging email from a dear room mate, Bonnie D...what a blessing it was to hear from her and to be encouraged by her...i truly wish i could be a friend to people that didn't come with conditions, with this history that we drag into each new friendship...this sort of "warning sign" we're forced to wear when entering each friendship. some, a lot of people in fact, are not this way. its tiring to be this way. i am tired of it. this is where i give it over to Jesus so He doesn't have to bite off my finger again.

I am signing off...only to leave with this beautiful quote from Return Of The King..

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…that have taken hold."

...its true, in life...and yet there is victory in Jesus even yet.

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