Last night was rough, people.
Jack woke up around 1:30am. After trying to put him back to sleep a couple of times he just kept crying. So, I quickly put plan B into affect (which is co-sleeping) and he took up nearly the whole bed and/or wanted to nurse all night. Precious moments, I know. So precious that by the morning I was hugging myself so tightly my shoulders ache. You run out of space quickly in a queen sized bed. Please, please front teeth come in soon for 'ol Jackboy. The depths of my sleep would truly appreciate it.
Today, however, today is a new day. A day full of a fresh Autumn breeze and cloudy, thundering skies. I'm trying to leave behind that sleepless night and focus on the cup of coffee and some good tunes to start the day. Jack is asleep now and Chris Rice's melodies, an incoming storm and the Word await me. I pray to drink deep of God's grace and peace today. Sometimes I feel so inadequate as a mom. I know this is one of the things He's made me for, but sometimes I feel so me-centered, temper-filled, annoyed, anxious and exhausted all at once. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not mature enough to handle this huge responsibility. Sometimes, I fear I'm going to really give this kid complexes when he's older (some serious honesty right there.) And often times I wonder if I'm the only mom who feels the way? So many other mom's I meet seem so...together. Like they were made for this. Which, I believe. But am the only one who's self centered enough to question that at least 2x a week?
But seriously, does a 1 year old ever tire? I love his energy, I love his spunk, but sometimes I'm just so tired. I'm almost sure he should be too.
Yesterday while I rocked him to sleep, I tried to capture the moment and remind myself how quickly time has gone. How quickly his legs have gone from wrapping around my waist while I nurse him to dangling off my lap and now, hitting the armrest of the chair. Time is soaring. His little body is changing and growing and all the cute head-pudge he used to have has disappeared and has been replaced by long hair, a runny nose and teeth.
Peeeeww.And a stinky diaper.
John was lucky to test drive a Shelby Mustang this last week and we took it for some serious 0-60-in-3.5-second drives. Gets me every, single time. He looked so hot in that car and the rush of the acceleration makes me feel so spontaneous and dangerous, like we're running away from the cops or something (or not.) Than I'm reminded of reality by the 1 year old in the car seat behind us (maybe we won't win the Best Parent award for that, but Jack loves cars!) and the fact that we are in a small city and police lurk all around.
See how much Jack loves cars?
Welcome, new day. I'm glad you're here.