holiday trip to warm beach

"You have so many amazing gifts and talents, how can you expect to lead an ordinary life?"

weird story...this lady stepped next to me and bumped me just as the picture was taken. after the picture was done i looked over and she was blind and probably deaf...it felt like a piece of Jesus in this picture, all smiles and everything. Okkkkay, kind of weird.

tarah's dad sonny sitting with a guy named mike. both of them quite the characters in two very different ways.

me and tarah had a fantastic time. she is such a great gift and such a blessing....we had so many good times this last week.
three of the funniest people i have ever met. (l-r) tarah, josh and katie. in all honesty, i haven't laughed like that since capernwray or before and their personalities brought such a huge amount of joy into my life. i will never forget those few days at that camp and what a hilarious impact they had on my life. we laughed until we couldn't laugh anymore and it was such a joy.

Tell Rolling Stone...

This is a little trip I like to call to Seattle. I miss these girls terribly (and Bonnie as well, who is not pictured) and I pray to see them all soon.

This is me, listening to Kristina....oh, no, wait, again, that's me talking and Kristina listening. My cup runneth over my dear friend.

One year since we had seen each other. Craaazy.

Two guesses. "You can tell Rolling Stone...." and I hope you've seen Almost Famous. Awesome extra, Beautiful Seattle in the back round!

Eating out AND calling Bonnie! Two very awesome things.

If I may so, this is an awesome picture. I didn't take it, obviously, Kristina did. It was a fun time.

Two reasons for this picture: Either 1. Spiro stole my shoes. or 2. We were on a beach in shoes! or 3. It was just awesome.

Girls, if you read this, I miss you and I am praying for you.

Merry Christmas to all :)
Cheers, I am out and off to bed.

This is us walking towards the park. Beautiful.

Another memorable picture:



Me and Hannatu.
The last time I saw her was one year ago.

My New Admiration: The Lion King on broadway. Laugh all you want, but this is the new thing I'd love to go and see.

"Endless Nights"
Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side
Guiding my path
Father, I can't find the way

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
And that the sun will rise

I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine
And that the sun will shine

Sometimes I might miss....

This is honestly mostly for the fun of it all. I only have pictures of Capernwray on my computer because those are really the only digital pictures that I own...most of my pictures are black and white or color and stashed in books all around my room. I used to love pictures, something about the way it could take you back to a certain place or time and sort of be transported into it...sort of like Flight of the Navigator, except he went into the future, didn't he? Either way, there's something neat about recalling a not so distant memory in the simplicity of a picture.

That's just a picture of a dear Brazilian friend named Daniel and I.

This picture is called Posers 2.21.04.
You know what I seriously just realized? A year ago today...it was just Grace and I
left at Capernwray. All the goodbyes had been said. It's exactly one year. That blows me right outa the water!

So I'm working a lot at the Jewish Camp...though most Jewish people claim it is not as "traditional Jewish" as they could get and that it is more fun and games. What are they talking about? We sing Hebrew songs, the kids wear Keepas and we eat Kosher food! Who's saying it's not Jewish enough?

I'm also preparing for the Ukraine...I'll put up a little map of where I will be. I'll be in the city of Dnipropetrovs'k. It will be only by God's Gracious hand that I will be able to get my visa, passport and ticket all together by Sep. 5. Craaaazzzy.

a new little bit 'o somethin...

...here's a cool site that i found...

rachel, this one is mostly for you pal:
believing in nothing
check it out guys, its sort of a lot of awesome.


Goodbye backyard view for a year now. Goodbye apartment. Hello new life.

"Change can be so constant, you don't even feel the difference until there is one."

"What you think you know has nothing to do with reality."

"The truth doesn't set us free, all it does is remind us that love isn't enough."


I do believe this is in California where he is jumping, not Washington, but close enough :)

For those of you that haven't seen it (Kristina, it reminded me a lot of your style) go and see Life as A House.

It's a much more decent Hayden Christensen movie then Star Wars. (No offense to any treckies.) :) Oh wait, that's Star Treck! Just kidding, really, I know what I'm talking about. I know my Star Wars and Star Treck (the a little less on the Star Treck)

Guys. Life is good. God's grace is new every morning and throughout these last few weeks it's leaked through an awful lot.

I have begun writing again! I know, for some it may seem silly or whatever, but to me, it's nearly an epiphany! (is that how to spell it?!) It's like this drape has been lifted and I can dream without drowning and I can think without getting indulged in it. It's incredible. I'm writing with my dear friend Marla, who I knew in high school, and she is teaching me so much. I am learning how to write what I know (something that, let's face it, I always had a hard time doing :) But really, it's been incredible.

Other side news, I am going to Washington for a week this summer. To get away from this WICKED heat (it was 103 today!) (that's Arizona.) someone said. Ha. So I will be going there and Lord willing getting a chance to spend a day or so with Spiro, Kristina, and whoever else wants to join.

Remember, life is good. And remember to chill out, and just take it easy.

Homeward Bound

"Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me."

The summer has officially begun. (it was 101 F today!) And I welcome it gladly!
Here's a small taste into one day of summer...

Nina, Nina, Ballerina

Oh those cheeky faces, I have seen them before! (Nina and Daci)

Oh those girls, I will miss them.

never, ever, take it seriously

"I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously then you never get hurt. If you never get hurt then you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely you can just go to the record store and visit your friends. " -Miss Penny Lane

...the other night I watched this with a friend of mine and she didn't get the buzz. the whatever. the feeling. it was sort of difficult to understand. anyway, if you haven't seen it....go and watch it, and meanwhile, enjoy these lyrics: if you get a free chance, check out the frou frou cd. its incredible.

"Maddening Shroud"

Sometimes I like to get away from this maddening shroud
Sometimes I love, you know, it's all insane
Maybe it's time for me to pack it in
Maybe it's time for me to track it in
Maybe it's time for me to throw...

Oh, I've got a good mind to throw it all away
Throw it all away
Throw it all away
After all, what is it worth?

Sometimes I like to get away from the saddening crowd
Sometimes I feel my life is all in vain
Maybe it's time for me to pack it in
Maybe it's time for me to track it in
Maybe it's time for me to throw...

Oh, I've got a good mind to throw it all away
Throw it all away
Throw it all away
After all, what is it worth?

Some days my strength walks out
Some days I can't go out
It is for real
We can walk about
We can work it over and over and over...

I've got a good mind to throw it all away...



Inspiration from Bonnie D. post

"Oh I feel like dancin'!"

It's over! Done and DONE! School is finally over and this picture decribes what I would most like to do this evening. Instead, I will watch a movie that will pwobably change my life.
No, not Garden State.

"One day, you'll be cool."

Today I heard from the lady in England who works with the ministry that I will be going to in the Ukraine. The Lord is GOOD and merciful. Amen? Amen! He's paving the way.

Side note: This movie is incredible. Some like it. most don't, but my dear pals and I (Rachel, Soteria and Mindy) loved this movie. We saw it for the first time when Rachel was in New Zealand for six months and after seeing it the book was passed around and we even had our own little Ya-Ya-esque meeting. Someday Rach, SOMEDAY we WILL dance like this in our living room. I promise.

Seamstress for the Band

Couple questions...

Very late last night I was watching Almost Famous (just my favourite parts, ie: the Tiny Dancer scene annnd pretty much the rest of the movie actually) Anyway, I have a question: When Penny Lane is leaving and she is getting on the plane, she hugs William and boards the plane and when she is sitting in the plane mimicking the flight attendant she suddenly gets a look of regret that covers her entire face. What was she thinking? What was this this crazy director trying to get across? Does she regret not staying with him? Obviously the poor kid is in love with her, but what is she thinking? I didn't get that. Also, at the very end, I loved the part where Anita comes home and the mom grabs her and tells her she forgives her and Anita replied "I didn't apologize." No joke, that happened to my mother and I the other day. ...and we just laughed like that too. I love it. Ok, what is your favourite part of this movie? Pick one, only one (and please don't everyone pick the Tiny Dancer part.) because its good, but there are better parts.

Another question, if the kid had found Penny in the one of the taxis what would he have said?
My favourite part?

Or something like that. Maybe even this:

Oye vey, I really gotta finish this homework.

Only Seven more school days! Hallelujah!

Strings that tie to you...

Maybe some of you hoolagins wonder why I keep posting pictures and why I don't just "get over it already." Right, right, sit down and shut up. As John says: "Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewlery." and just sit back while I take ya'll down a little tour of what I like to call, strings. They're attached to me, and they happen to be the only digital pictures I have on the computer (though I have a lot of them) so, here's a few more random ones.

This is Kristina. She was one of my very first friends, a dear, dear friend who I treasure greatly. She's one of the most talented people I know and listens...so well. I miss her. (Deep sigh of reflection) However, the sweatshirt she is wearing is one that was passed back and forth between us and it is my absolute favourite piece of clothing. My dream is to own one someday. Or maybe just that one. I miss it.

This is a picture of a memory I thought I would want to forget. The smallness of England, but looking at it warms my very heart strings.

This was my traveling team. and I miss them immensly. I haven't heard from Jordan (the guy to my left) since I got home and Susan I talked to a few weeks ago but we had an amazing, learning trip together and I wouldn't trade those ten days for anything in the world. This was our pre-trip picture when we were just in the pre-stages of planning (or lack there of.) i miss 'em.

This is Michael from Poland. He and I knew each other a little but a group of us were in the tower at school and I looked at the setting and he was telling me something about his life and I said "hold it, let's take a picture." and so we did, posed and all. Side note:please disregard my Jewish nose. Ha.

Oh my Sprio. I miss her. Yes, the background is real, yes the setting sun on our faces is real. Yes, it was incredible, but it was very windy that day. Spiro and Kristina had been taking all the school photographs for our yearbook and this was in the aftermath of it all. She makes my cup runneth over.

This is Katha my dear, dear German friend. I don't talk to her real often either but she and I went through a whole lot. I watched her grow from a shy German who sat with her digital dictionary into an outgoing German/Americanized woman who said what she thought when she thought it and lived for the next moment and what it would bring. She was awesome.

Ok, there's my quick-trip down memory lane. Thanks for watching. And remember, "I got it, I got it. Last words: I dig music." (fat tubby guy claps unaprovingly)

Lancashire, England
Psalm 62
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.
1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
3 How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down—this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Selah
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. Selah
9 Lowborn men are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie; if weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion or take pride in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them.
11 One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard:
that You, O God, are strong, and that You, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.

"Dil, dil, Pakistan!" (Love, love, Pakistan) haha.

...these two pictures are ones that my dear friend Joel sent me.

-That's Joel and I in the first picture. He is a dear friend from Pakistan. He is absolutely hilarious! This was also the last day of Bible school and Grace and I had dressed up in her African dresses. It was craaaazzzyy.
-The bottom one is Grace and I in Liverpool doing a "model pose". She will be a model someday and I...well, I just am entertained by how white I look and how dark she looks. It's like night and day. But that was in the "China Town" section of Liverpool. We got so excited and anxious to eat Chinese food and see the different things but it was just a dead end...a funny disapointment.
-However, this was also the day that I was traveling with two people who work by African/Pakistani time in which it is not disrespectful to be late. We were an HOUR AND A HALF late to the bus. We were so lost and none of us knew directions. We had gone all over Liverpool and ended up asking for directions countless times (though I always had to be the one to ask and explain which I am no good at) and we ran and ran and guess who got scolded by our American superviser? That's right, me. It was funny and I wouldn't have been on time for anything in the world. Cheers folks, I have to do homework!

"Less like breakdown, more like surrender."

Last night I talked to Spiro.
I said: "Why can't we just be with the people that we enjoy being with?'
She said: "Because, DUDE, that's what heaven will be like."

Daniel 9:18
Here's a small blast from the past:

The German sunset.

Heidelberg, Germany

Check out that bridge.

My two favourite Ukrainians: Irina and Andrey aka ира и апре.

Grace and I either singing or laughing...I think we were doing both.

Susan and I on the train going to Bonn

My dear Susan. This was the tenth day we were together :)


....My thought of the moment? The reality that often times...love hurts. Not stinks as it has been referenced before, but sometimes, love hurts and just because of that, it doesn't mean you don't love them or they don't love you; it just hurts for a while.

"Dear God, surround me as I speak,
the bridges that I walk across are weak
Frustrations fill the void that I can't solely bear
Dear God, don't let me fall apart,
You've held me close to You.
I have turned away and searched for answers I can't understand

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child

Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see Your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the recklessness
I walked in light of you

[Little girl:]
"I've got joy like a fountain!"
"Be kind one to others"
"In Jesus Christ Your son"

They say that love can heal the broken
They say that hope can make you see
They say that faith can find a Savior
If you would follow and believe
with faith like a child"

Can I get a chorus of "amens" please?

All I can say is my life is pretty plain...

One bright Sunday afternoon decorated with ice water and soul baring information; deep conversations and laughter that builds in the pit of your stomach and erupts from your mouth; kisses from two year old Marko who plants his mouth on your cheek, squeezes your neck and says goodnight later...and that brings us to today.

and today is good. not any different than yesterday really, and I reckon it's really not that different then last Monday, but you know what is new and real and completely break taking every single morning? His faithfulness.

and that, my friends, is what we must hold onto.

So, someday I may tell you kids this little story I recall as a young teenager meeting a certain celebrity on the streets of Lawrence, Kansas (Rachel, please keep it down. On the DL, please.) but for now, I'm off to class and I will leave you with a song for you to chew on:

"Years ago my heart was set to live on
And I've been tryin hard against unbelievable odds
Gets so hard at times like now to hold on
Guns they wait to be stuck by
And at my side is God

Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round

People round you tell you that they know
The places they have been, and it's easy to go
They'll zip you up and dress you down, and stand you in their role
You know you don't have to
You can just say no

And there ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round

I've been built up and trusted
Broke down and busted
They'll get theirs and we'll get ours if you can just
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on

Years ago my heart was set to live on
And I've been tryin hard against unbelievable odds
Gets so hard at times like now to hold on
Gonna fall if I don't fight it
And at my side is God

Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round
Ain't no one goin to turn me round"

"The more I see of the world, the less inclined I am to think well of it."

I wanted to write something somewhat personal, but I reckon I won't be able to really come up with anything but surface level things because...thats all I seem to want to come up with really, but I did hear this song today and it lightened my heart a bit, and made me smile. My dear friend Bonnie D. once sent these lyrics to me and they remind me of her I reckon maybe in the same way they remind her of me:

Cat Stevens - The Wind
"I listen to the wind
To the wind of my soul
Where I'�ll end up well I think,
Only God really knows
I'�ve sat upon the setting sun
But never, never never never
I never wanted water once
No, never, never, never

I listen to my words but
They fall far below I let my music take me where
My heart wants to go I swam upon the devil�s lake
But never, never never never
I�ll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never"

It's been a hard week. Everything seems to be out of my grasp and I imagine that is exactly how the Almighty likes it...(side note, when I wrote that it made me think of: "Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?" haha.) But seriously, and yes, I was attempting to obtain some sort of seriousness. I puked all day yesterday and when I was finished doing that I watched the new and loved and enjoyed "Pride and Prejudice" a film I have been warned about but never have seen and yet I wonder, does a Mr. Darcy exist only in that old, ancient time in England? Oh no, I do reckon I have met a Mr. Darcy but he was not nearly as praise-worthy as this character was, although he dared to portray himself in such a manner. People often hide themselves and conceal who they are for fear of being rejected. Of course we are all guilty of such behaviour, but sometimes, I wonder what makes us go in that direction of life? What possesses our young minds to do this? For some, like the youngest sister, Lydia, this is a rare occurance, but for others...like Elizabeth, or even Mr. Darcy, this seemed to happened again and again? And I think, I fear, that I am like that as well, trying to conceal who I really am in effort to avoid being hurt, but even when you do such a thing...you still hurt yourself. For if it isn't people hurting you, then it is most definitly you hurting yourself. Whether by thoughts, self indulgment, or mostly self pity. So there. Tomorrow, I am determined to change this way about me. I am tired of hiding behind myself for fear that people won't like this inner me that I can't deny. It's impossible, and what is there left to do? ...well, "Run mad as often as you choose but do not faint."

So we avoid fainting, or what I like to call, the way of "swooning" and falling typically, seriously, yet annoyingly in love with love. That's the bottom line.

Tomorrow I hope to embark on this new adventure filled with new friendship, new openness, and a new heart that is willing to let Jesus open it again...for I fear it has become so embittered and hard and caloused that there is no way for it to be opened. Yet there is always hope, and that hope I cling to...

...I was listening to a song on the soundtrack to "The Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind" and it was number 21, I do believe, and I figured it out on the piano and its fun...it's a beautiful little tune.

So maybe it became a bit more personal then I had planned, but thus is life, I imagine.

You Come Too.

The Pasture
Robert Frost

I'm going out to clean the pasture spring;
I'll only stop to rake the leaves away
(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):
I sha'n't be gone long. You come too.

I'm going out to fetch the little calf
That's standing by the mother. It's so young,
It totters when she licks it with her tongue.
I sha'n't be gone long. You come too.

completely knackered.

.the funniest thing happened to me the other night.

i could go over details and go on and on and on about it and for those of you that really and truly want to hear it, give me a call, but my end result?

God has the biggest sense of humor.

I mean, in the reality of it all, we serve a mighty and victorious God, but also He is our Abba and in being that--He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what will surprise us, what will scare us and exactly how much of that we can handle. It's surprising really, this sense of humor He has, and every time I feel like I'm going under and there's no hope of rising there He is, smiling with the result. And I just laugh, sometimes even giggling (imagine that! no, but seriously.) and feel humbled that He knows what He's doing and I'm just along for the ride.

What is this with these people never updating their blogs? It's going to result in phone calls because I don't know whats going on in their lives anymore...(what is this place. America? That we result to people's blog rather then personal phone calls? Oye vey.)

Ok, I'm off to study the-language-only-by-God's-grace-I-will-ever-understand.

Were You There?

Were You There

"Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?
Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble.
Were you there when God raised him from the tomb?"

...tonight we sang that at church. Last week when we watched the Passion of the Christ and we sang this directly afterwards...the room was so quiet with only murmers of the word "tremble, tremble, tremble." thinking of what we had just seen and what Christ did for us.

...the moon was intense. not in a very direct way of the word, but it was so bright it lit up the entire neighborhood. abbie and i starred at it for a while, music playing gently throughout the car. we admired the moon not just because it was captivating, the way the clouds covered it like a thick blanket and the light dwindles until it is nothing but the shadow against the clouds. but mostly, i thought of the artists that try to recreate something incredible, painting, drawing, all sorts of art. most do incredible things and the beautiful and creativity of it all is amazing, but something that occured to me was that sometimes we try to go so far out of our way to discover something beautiful that can be created and forget to start right with the simple. the moonlight and the shadow of the clouds. Art is everywhere, God is the creator and perfector of it.