Glad You're Here

Last night was rough, people.

Jack woke up around 1:30am. After trying to put him back to sleep a couple of times he just kept crying. So, I quickly put plan B into affect (which is co-sleeping) and he took up nearly the whole bed and/or wanted to nurse all night. Precious moments, I know. So precious that by the morning I was hugging myself so tightly my shoulders ache. You run out of space quickly in a queen sized bed. Please, please front teeth come in soon for 'ol Jackboy. The depths of my sleep would truly appreciate it.

Today, however, today is a new day. A day full of a fresh Autumn breeze and cloudy, thundering skies. I'm trying to leave behind that sleepless night and focus on the cup of coffee and some good tunes to start the day. Jack is asleep now and Chris Rice's melodies, an incoming storm and the Word await me. I pray to drink deep of God's grace and peace today. Sometimes I feel so inadequate as a mom. I know this is one of the things He's made me for, but sometimes I feel so me-centered, temper-filled, annoyed, anxious and exhausted all at once. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not mature enough to handle this huge responsibility. Sometimes, I fear I'm going to really give this kid complexes when he's older (some serious honesty right there.) And often times I wonder if I'm the only mom who feels the way? So many other mom's I meet seem so...together. Like they were made for this. Which, I believe. But am the only one who's self centered enough to question that at least 2x a week?

But seriously, does a 1 year old ever tire? I love his energy, I love his spunk, but sometimes I'm just so tired. I'm almost sure he should be too.

Yesterday while I rocked him to sleep, I tried to capture the moment and remind myself how quickly time has gone. How quickly his legs have gone from wrapping around my waist while I nurse him to dangling off my lap and now, hitting the armrest of the chair. Time is soaring. His little body is changing and growing and all the cute head-pudge he used to have has disappeared and has been replaced by long hair, a runny nose and teeth.

Peeeeww.And a stinky diaper.

John was lucky to test drive a Shelby Mustang this last week and we took it for some serious 0-60-in-3.5-second drives. Gets me every, single time. He looked so hot in that car and the rush of the acceleration makes me feel so spontaneous and dangerous, like we're running away from the cops or something (or not.) Than I'm reminded of reality by the 1 year old in the car seat behind us (maybe we won't win the Best Parent award for that, but Jack loves cars!) and the fact that we are in a small city and police lurk all around.

See how much Jack loves cars?

Welcome, new day. I'm glad you're here.

Miscellany Monday

This is Jack's grouch face post-waking up. Seriously, we took a succession of pictures and each one he made this face. He is his father's son. I've SEEN that face before!

Ok, not exactly. But they look so similar! One of my favorite pictures, BY FAR.

1. Week one without my camera has been harder than I thought it would be. I didn't think I was so co-dependent on the camera, but I guess I am. It feels kind of like forgetting my sunglasses or forgetting to put deodorant on. Seems small, but I take things like that for granted. Step in old, faithful Sony. He does the trick and even recorded our music video last week. It's just not the same. I think I will have to make a way to reunite with my camera soon. Perhaps Wednesday.

2. We had friends up over the weekend. It was just delightful. They took family pictures of us to celebrate Jack's 1 year. One year. Wow. Has it really already been one year? We enjoyd antique shop browsing, off roading in the 4 runner and bill's pizza for dinner. Such great, meaningful, real conversation and plenty of laughter to go with it.

3. He's walking! He falls again and again, but is determined to get back up and try again. He is an inspiration and I find myself praying for his little heart often. I pray he has the same kind of dedication to God, that He knows Christ and lives for Him.

Jack LOVES cars. He just started making truck noises. Cutest thing in the world.

I don't typically allow Jack to play with medicine cups, but 1. He doesn't know it's real purpose yet and 2. He's teething. Anything goes, pretty much. I try to defer him from toilet paper, however.

4. Today it rained. It started as we were leaving church and continued until...now. There was an intense thunderstorm and we laid around most of the afternoon in our coziest clothes, watching random shows, ate home made pizza and ticked Jack. Thank you, Abba, for this day.

Vulnerable yet dance party fun!

Yesterday my sister Maggie came up for the day. She's 18, in love with a boy, hilarious and a full of sass when she wants to be. Sisters are a strange phenomenon. It's kind of like looking in a mirror sometimes. You have similar mannerisms, quirks, laughs, personalities and yet you are two very different people. It's kind of like someone being in your head on occasion. Something that, let's face it, a husband just can't be. 


Maggie and I love to dance. I mean love. When we went to the Hanson concert a while back we danced like crazy. I kid you not, I had some serious body pain for the next few days. 


We don't take dancing seriously (we just took a few dance classes as kids, but neither of us were very coordinated as little ones.)
There's just something about dancing in a room, the music blasting, your heart pounding and sweat pouring down your face that brings such joy. It feels so liberating and whimsical.


We decided to make a music video for a Fun Friday Dance Party and it was just like reliving the concert (including my body hurting in the strangest ways later.) Now, mind you I felt incredibly out of shape, but after about 6 times of doing the dance it was like I had a second wind. It was great. So here it is. John couldn't believe that I would show a soul this video (oh, John), but I just can't help myself! I hope it makes you smile, or at least makes you want to get up and dance!


We couldn't stop laughing when we watched it and it's moments like those I love. Moments like those that I know when I'm 45 I will watch and just cry. Laugh and cry, probably. It's moments like those I hope my kids can share, and get side aches from laughing so hard.

I've Been Thinking About Something from mel dickerson on Vimeo.

Go ahead and check out the REAL "Thinkin About Something" video. We taught them all they know.

p.s. This was Jack's first dance party. I'm not sure if he digs it. Someday, my son. Someday.

The Happiness Project : episode 3

There is some serious happiness in the small things. Watching Fred Astaire dance in a TCM movie...watching Babies on John's day off...spending Friday night catching up on the Office and Parenthood...loving the changing seasons and capturing John's goodbye hug to little Jack. Simply joy. Thank you, Lord for weekends like those.

What Makes You Lucky?

That's a good question. I wish I could write something poetic or seriously deep, but the heart hits a stop button when I think of pouring myself out on this here computer. 

But, What makes me feel lucky...is truly and undeniably, God's grace. His gracious love that loves me, warts, wounds and all and loves me just the way I am. The Jesus that accepts my imperfection and reminds me that I am His and He is mine. I feel incredibly lucky to be married to a man who reflects God's grace. Who soaks his being in it every morning. A man who reminds me that it's God's grace that brought us to where we are today. It's only by His grace that we have a little half-pint and His grace that covers the other little rascals that may come in the future. His grace...is unexplainable. 

What Makes You Lucky? nienie asks

Miscellany Monday

Jack's 1st birthday is nearly here. It's crazy to think this time last year I was feeling overstuffed and overdone. I seriously resembled Violet from Willy Wonka. Okay, maybe not that bad, but I felt like her. I didn't chew much gum, though, but ate mostly candy corn.

Sunday is a busy day in our home. John normally leaves around 5:30 or 6am to enjoy his usual McDonald's breakfast and study time. Jack and I typically wake up early (much too early for me) and enjoy coffee (me, not Jack) and play in the sunlight in effort to get warm. We eat oatmeal, listen to music, read the Word and embrace the day. We head to church around 8:30 and enjoy fellowship, worship, just being with Jesus and learning. Jack digs the nursery (and so do I) and after hugging dozens of people we head home in time for Jack's nap and for me to make lunch. Yesterday it was grown-up mac and cheese. Complete with bread crumb topping, chicken and broccoli.

Later, we crashed on the carpet in a heap of tickles and kisses and deep belly laughter. We all tried to take a nap, but our 11 month old didn't get the memo. Come on, bud. He fell asleep around 4...much too late for a good nap. I had to wake him up 45 minutes later in time to go to church. We just finished the series "Laugh Your Way To to a Better Marriage." and...we laughed. and laughed. And over all, I feel like God did use it to bring us closer together. It's a GREAT series.

Singing together... one of his new favorite things

We started "The Event" a few weeks ago and it. is. good. I wasn't so sure after the first episode, but 3 episodes in we are lovin' it. It does make me miss Lost though...big time. Nothing can replace the goodness of that show. Also, this last week's Office episode was probably one of my favorites of all time.



The saddest part of my weekend had to be the fact that I accidentally left my camera at John's brother's house. That's 2 hours away and not to be seen again (for the next couple of weeks) unless my sister is sweet and decides to pick it up for me. Did I freak out? Um, yes. Did my husband make fun of me? Definitely. Did I care? Nope. I miss you camera. Praise Jesus you aren't lost for good.

Onward to another week...I hope Jack gets his front teeth in soon. Poor kiddo has learned how to bite. 

You Capture - Faces

I love me some good faces. Chubby faces. Tiny faces. Scruffy faces. Handsome faces. Mornin-breath faces. The faces of family. And laughter. And teething at 4am cry-faces too. There are so many faces I wish I could capture, but don't always have my camera on hand. 

It's really incredible to me to think that there's traits of John and I in Jackboy. That he inherited some of our facial features and expressions. (poor boy.) I love looking at pictures of my mom and grandma and seeing traces of my sister or I. It's so amazing how God orchestrated it all.

There's that favorite face of mine!

Jack and Ollie . . future love

Teething face!

Now I need to go and kiss that sweet face! P.S. Jack is almost walking! He had a little friend over last night and she's a walkin' machine and he kept trying over and over to keep up with her. He didn't get frustrated though and he didn't give up. Determination. Oh, boy.

Head over to Beth's blog for more You Capture faces!

the joy of babywearing

One of my favorite things is seeing my man wearing Jack in the Ergo.

I love this whole sling thing (and according to my husband I have one too many ;) and my favorite is probably the Ergo Baby Carrier.

My heart aches for the mothers who lost their babies in a sling. What a horrible tragedy. However, that doesn't mean all baby wearing is a bad idea. When there were/are recalls on baby cribs, people didn't stop putting their children in cribs, do they? It's just a sad and unfortunate that things like that happen, but it doesn't lessen the importance of wearing your baby and the bond that it can create between you. (plus, it's amazing how much you can get done WITH the baby in the sling!) 

Being at home with Jack I see him. I feel him. He's attached to me...often. 

Let's just say that sometimes when John gets home, Jack and I do a little dance and I do a quick pass off to finish up dinner (and/or go to the bathroom, take a quick drive or just sit on the couch and breath a little.) John loves being with Jack. His bond is different than mine with him and it took him a little bit longer to establish it. When Jack was about 3 months old I suggested John try to put him to sleep. At that point I was the only one who could nurse him down for a nap and my heart longed for John to be able to do it too (because I knew he could.) We busted out the Ergo and John would walk with him for as long as it took for him to fall asleep. He would watch tv, listen to a sermon, talk on the phone, whatever. Early on it took him about 45 minutes, then quickly it lessened until John could probably put him to sleep faster than I could. Soon I saw this confidence booster in John and in the mornings when he let me sleep in a little (and still does. He is the MAN.) he would assure me he could walk him down for his morning nap. It is so precious and I know it has a lot to do with their bond...which is still being strengthened every day. 

More nights than not John walks Jack to sleep and now they have a rhythm and a routine. He doesn't use the sling anymore, but just nestles Jack in the crook of his neck. Safe and warm.

HEY! Head over to Adventures in Babywearing to hear more about the International Babywearing Month! Also, check out the BCIA on facebook!

 "Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." -George Eliot

There really isn't anything like that first chicken pot pie and glass of apple cider. Now, Jack gets to enjoy the feel of Autumn!

The Paper Mama Photo Challange : Confusion

Jack is always giving me hilarious faces. 

He is a ham most days and if it isn't an entire mouth-filled scream than it is a cheeky, shy grin, or just plain confusion. I think most often when he looks confused he is really taking it all in...or at least that's what I tell people. Let's be honest...he's most often confused whenever I'm holding a camera up to my face.

Today at church a woman commented that he has really become a little boy. His baby chub has smoothed out across his cheeks and his body just looks like he's about to take off running after some toy car. In fact, while she was telling me this Jack proceeded to throw his matchbox car across the ground, chase after it and then repeat the scene again. That's our boy. Taking after his dad.

 

a sorta fairytale : snoozing

Little one, you sleep so tenderly. Though sometimes, you toss and turn as if you are still playing in your sleep. Your papa loves to sleep next to you and feel your little cheek nestled against his neck. I love watching you sleep and how you suck your bottom lip.

I love the way you hum softly while you are dozing off. I love how sometimes you look up at me with those blueberry shaped eyes, smile and then fall asleep. Your tiny hand resting against my shoulder causes me to kiss those tiny fingers as I whisper "please don't grow up too fast."

Your life is a miracle. Your little person is a treasure. When the doctor placed you on my chest I found myself saying out loud "You are going to do mighty things for God's kingdom, little one." and I trust you will.

I love you, goose.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

October . . The Fair . .

This is how the morning started...

 

a nice, much-needed sleep-in (okay, 7:15am) and then a quick breakfast. We hit the road around 8:30 to meet up with Mattie and her little guy Cougan for the fair...

It was all the fun I had imagined. Plenty of fair food, fun rides (which the boys were too little to ride and we were too tall to ride.) a petting zoo,  plenty of tables trying to sell us stuff (Cutco knives 60% off!) and tons of booths where men yelled "kids win a prize every time!" 

 Christine and her little guy Casen

Jack was ready to jump on that goat!

Cougan and Mattie

 I have to be honest and say that there were many times I felt like we should be wearing jackets and feeling an autumn chill. but that there Arizona sun just never lets up. Oh well, a trip to the fair in 90 degree weather is still a trip to the fair. I guess.

The boys

Flashback Friday

I saw this music video the other day and was instantly taken back to this moment in time.

So much of my childhood had Holly in it. Many of my most favorite moments.

...decorating a Christmas tree.

...going sledding (and/or losing her sister down by the creek to which I ran barefoot to “save her” she was fine.)

...making music videos.

...going to swim team together

...playing American Girl dolls, Barbies, house…pretending.

...overnights and lots of candy.

...meeting halfway at her Jojo’s house for some candy and to sit on the hammock

and so many more. 

miss you, Holly.

The Paper Mama Photo Challange : A Hint of Color

Jack admiring his new little cousin. So precious. Aren't babies in stripes just precious?

 

You Capture: Togetherness

The Birthday girl

Last night we had a party. Growing up, my family wasn’t know for their huge and extravagant parties. They still aren’t. We typically had a nice dinner (courtesy of mama) and opened a few presents.  
Biggest treat? The birthday boy or girl got to be the topic of conversation and/or monopolize the conversation. That was kind of a big deal in our house. 

Love my brother Justin's facial expression. So our sibling relationship.

little, sweet Aaron

Here we are, years later doing the same thing. Except it was my sister’s 18^th birthday and after the party with her friends last week this was our family meal. Joining us was my brother and his wife’s newest addition Aaron (just a week old!) It was delightful. Complete with spilt wine, chocolate cookie cake, tired kiddo, chicken on sour dough bread and coffee.

It’s been so incredible to watch my sister grow. I just love seeing her becoming this adult. She thought it was pretty nifty that she got to drink a half glass of wine. That was until I spilt it (on accident!) down the table. I told her that was from Jesus. We laughed.


Jack loves, LOVES people and social gatherings (I wonder where he got that from?) It’s been so great (and such a relief) to see him love being with family and be apart of the excitement. It’s also incredible to see how siblings change. People said that once you have children or all reach adulthood the age difference seems to dwindle away, but I didn’t believe them. It’s been great to see the relationships deepen and grow and the things that separated us seem to disappear.

That's my Pop...he's smiling cheesy-like because his two front teeth died a long, long time ago while playing football and he's never gotten them removed. The time has come. They are as wiggly as my 8 year old nephew's and they are going to put in new fake ones. He was hoping to die with those old teeth in him. Sorry, pop.

This was the moment that Jack cried when Maggie blew out the candles (he was so confused) and mom nearly fell into the table while she was laughing. Never a dull moment.

Jack admiring baby Aaron. Maybe he's ready for a little baby brother or sister?

Whatever the case we LOVED the togetherness.

Go see more Togetherness over at I should be folding laundry