Feather For Wings...

Yesterday my cousin asked me about Capernwray. She asked if I ever got homesick. I responded seriously,

"Homesick for England?" She gave me a weird glance. "No, for home."

Funny how places become your home away from home. I miss that.

Some things and people I miss...
Good travel partners in crime, Jordan and Susan
Good English sunrise.
Good friends, Spiro, Kristina and Bonnie
Good Room Six room mate Our Kate and Bonnie
Good 'ol CP's of Capernwray!!
Good German friend (and perhaps ONLY German friend :) :) Katha Schmidt
Our Good Home away from Home (for how long it was.)
My friend Isaac just got back this last week. It's been two years this past week. (For you Spring schoolers.) Wahoo.

I'm happy that you're happy...

And you know what makes me happy?

Seeing X-Men 3 on a surprise day off! It was a fantastic movie. I still felt like I could have done a better job than Rogue, but who's comparing. I don't see many movies in the theater, but this one I would see at least two more times before it goes to DVD. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time and what was almost two hours felt like only fifteen minutes. Everything that happens is critical and intense (and sometimes a little crazy) but constantly surprising you. The new characters were fantastic and the old ones weren't annoying yet...(or weren't there long enough to be annoying) So, do me a favor and go and see it. Not even just for sci-fi or X-Men fans (because, obviously, you don't have to see all three to understand it) But just go see it because its very nicely put together.

On a slightly amusing note, I went to get out of the parking garage after the movie and the man in his little cave for employees took my ticket and said "Five dollars, please." I looked at him and responded. "Oh, I went to see a movie and I thought I didn't have to pay if it was under four hours?" With a completely dissatisfied and annoyed face, he said. "You have to stamp it. It's five dollars now." He still starred at me. I swallowed my pride and responded. "Oh, okay. Then I am going to go back and get that stamped." He handed me the ticket and sarcastically said. "Fine, you do that." I reversed and went all the way back up to my parking space to go get that thing stamped.

Oh, and you better believe I did. I jumped over flower pots and ran up escalator stairs (still on a high from X-Men.) I returned to my friends out of breath yet satisfied. I may not have mutant powers, but I can still save losing five dollars. Oh, what I would give to have mutant powers. If you could have any mutant power in the world, what would you have? Be creative here, please.

And go see the movie. You will be entertained and inspired.

Here's to Kajra Re and California...

...this is me and Grace on the beach she so wanted to see. Being with Grace was like reliving a memory that you never thought you would be able to. I couldn't have asked for a better couple of weeks. Here's a little trip re-living the memory one last time.


...This was when Grace and I went out for a Greek dinner. That night they had a belly dancer and Greek dancing and breaking of plates (Kristina, I thought you might find this picture kind of cool.) Sadly, my camera broke so no more pictures like this one :(

...although a few funny things did happen, of course. When we got to Santa Monica beach in California Grace was expecting us to go swimming. It was freezing and there was no way we were going to go swimming. We started to walk towards the beach when a weird scrawny white kid came up to us and started to make small talk about how he thought we were models. I started laughing and Grace invited him to come along with us. He asked us if he could rap for us. I said, of course. He didn't however, and I am not even sure if he knew how. Walking along the pier he started to make comments about wanting to pinch Grace's bum and she turned to me to say, "Mel, at one point I just got very uncomfortable." So we sort of ignored him until he disapeared. I haven't talked to as many strangers as I did that day on the Santa Monica Pier, man...that is sad.

Next, however, was a young guy who was visiting from Manchester, England and was an aspiring actor/model. He had been to acting school in England and was about to graduate. That's him with his mom in the picture. His school would be sending him to California to get his feet wet. Of course, as if I were a professional, I warned him about the drugs in Hollywood and how "they will offer you any drug you can think of and they'll make a mess of your career." I suggested he didn't try out for any MTV specials or American Idol. He agreed. He had a thick Manchester/Northern English accent and I told him he would get any job in Hollywood with that accent. I didn't tell him that they'd probably make him lose it eventually. After talking for a while and eating a Churro we exchanged email addresses and phone numbers. I think I just met the next Jude Law, guys, seriously. As we walked back to the beach, Grace just kept yelling "Don't you mess this up, Mel! Not this one!"...Who me? Mess something up? No...:)

Then we went to Universal Studios and somehow saw the entire park in a day and still drove all the way back to Phoenix that night.
That's Grace and I with our fellow partner in crime, Andrey. We missed him this trip. We missed him in a way that you don't realize you miss someone until a duo-that-used-to-be-a-trio isn't together. (Side note: That is actually Russel Crowe in the picture, but Andrey looks just like him anyway.) The Real Andrey:


Back to Universal...here is the funnest picture we took. My favorite question of the day? After a Universal worker or stranger would see me and my whiteness they would proceed with, "Where are you from?" to Grace. At first, Grace would respond, "England." then after a while she realized people wanted to hear "Nigeria." She was fascinated by how everyone asked and smiled and said "hello" Oh, America. ps: I thought the peace sign would make me look un-American here.

...No, don't be alarmed. We didn't witness a horrible crash (we also weren't on the set of Lost ((sadly enough)), but we WERE however on the set of War of the Worlds! I seriously was about to jump out of the little car and walk onto the set, running my hands through my hair and maybe faintly here Tom say, "Get in the car!" It was fantastic. One of my favorite parts.

...I end with this. I end with it because it was funny. We had just got out of the Shrek 4-D ride and I didn't know why we were taking a picture with them. Grace got the easy one, but Miss Fiona here did not seem too thrilled with this picture.

I miss Gracie. I hope she comes back soon so we can Indian dance in LA traffic at 6pm again. Gracie, if you're reading this...come back soon, ok?

Turn, Turn, Turn...

There's this little band I had almost forgotten about called Travis. Those crazy Scots that stole a bit of my heart back in high school. They were visited again as I rode home from the mountains this past weekend. I heard this and it wrote everything that I was thinking. Strange when music does that...


"I want to see what people saw
I want to feel like I felt before
I want to see the kingdom come
I want to feel forever young
I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I belong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it wont be very long
If we turn turn turn turn turn
Then we might learn
So wheres the stars
Up in the sky
And whats the moon
A big balloon
Well never know unless we grow
Theres so much world outside the door,"

There's something about driving with a dad who at one time you would have despised being seen with and suddenly deeply appriciating him. When he skips through his CD to show you his "favorite one" so that you might enjoy the 70's rock and roll too. He's pretty incindiary.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright...

Here's something I should have done a loooong time ago. Sorry Rach. It's like going on the trip all over again. This is just a few snippits from my trip to Kansas a couple of weeks ago. Here's to a Road Trip to Oklahoma, a short visit with an old friend, a fancy photo fun shoot, and 80's Dance Party and an all-night-until-6 AM adventure...or, not.

So it begins, from our 'ol T-Town...

This is the rain that never stopped...and our reaction.

Trying to find out where we are..and our six hour detour to Tulsa...why, I wonder?

Spending time with an old friend...oh and not purposly doing that weird face. And enjoying a much missed Christmas Feel.

...the next morning, on the road again.

THEN...we found it. The most amazing find of the world!
Rachel thought so too..

...I walked around like this the wholetime...utterly speechless. It was perfect.

It was so fun.

Billings Oklahoma...
...right when we got back we went to an 80's Dance Party...needless to say, the guys sat on the sidelines and...SAT...but we danced for 3 hour strait! WOW!
...and after the 3 hour dance-a-thon we went on a little adventure. This is Elena. She's a girl I met that night and felt like we had been friends for years.
...then Rachel and Elena had a little collision and the police came...yeah, it wasn't so good...not cause they fell...but I told them it wasn't a good idea...

...us at the graveyard back in Topeka.
...eating TAD'S Snow Cone before I left...
...and in a snap second, it is all gone and I am home again with little to no country roads...

Fun.

check. this. out.

a small few know what film this photo is from...(thanks to kristina for introducing this picture to me) and if you don't know what it is from, i highly recommend you find out. a new movie, called Everything Is Illuminated...

it beautifully captures Ukraine and its humble estate and yet the reality of what lies on the history of that country. it catches the simple minded and hilarious Ukrainian people as well as the typical Americans. it's a true story with genuis shots and the music is fantastic. the movie would not be a movie without alex.

please, please. go and rent this. and enjoy it. and think of Ukraine while you do. and remember everything that went on there.

maybe this post was in vain. maybe not.

...is anyone alive out there?

missed

this is one of my favourite pictures.

one of the three in the picture had a birthday recently. as i remember, she hates when people make it known that it is her birthday, but i just couldn't resist. her humor and admirable personality is missed but far from forgotten. it's been a looong while since i've seen her. i wouldn't mind seeing her soon.

happy birthday me-bon-who-lives-over-the-ocean. you canadian cuddler, you.

small tribute

..i watched snippits of divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood this afternoon.
and saw a picture that mirrored so closely to a friendship that i love and treasure.
here's to three other people that made my life a never ending adventure.
one that had its twists and turns and trials and distance,
but we've got a big God and thus far He has helped us.

here's to Teri in the Philippines, Mindy in China, Rachel in Topeka
and me here. Wherever here is. sometimes i wonder if its possible
for a heart to be scattered all over the world

Some things I miss...

...something good to listen to: Ryan Adams
...something good to watch: Everything is Illuminated (coming out 21st of March)
...something good to eat: Chex Honey Nut mix
...something good to enjoy: peace

Happy Birthday To You...all three of you...

March 14

Growing Up

Somewhere, at one of these moments and at one certain time in that certain country and with these certain people...I grew up.

"it's been a long year dad..."

I've been really lazy lately. I have that feeling like I should stop being lazy and actually DO something with the moment but I feel like I've been DOING so much in the last six months that I need a breather...Americans don't know "breather" very well, unless its an out of breath breather from moving around so much. Oh, well. But tomorrow it starts...I'm going to some job interview for two hours and then on Sunday I need to get up and talk about my trip...which is super exciting and a little bit scary. I'm not your average public speaker...although I was in Ukraine. Man, in it was so strange. I could talk and talk without huge worry because there I was in front of a group of people that didn't understand me. I could use more broken english, or perhaps change what I said in the middle and the only person that would know was my translator standing next to me..Of course it was always simple and sweet but it was something and that was a blessing. I sometimes would rather go from small groups of people repeating the same thing over and over then to go in front of a huge group and say it once. I do miss that...I haven't really begun to miss Ukraine until just recently. Just about the time life started feeling "normal"...and I think I am an unhappy-when-it's-normal person because I like things upbeat...I like them snappy...

So I end with this:

"I quit...I quit....I quit....I quit Mr. White."

And thankfully...and graciously, He takes over. Couldn't think of it any better way.
...this picture is a friend Andrey from Bible School, his wife and their daughter Margaritta...seeing him was one of the best moments of my life.

..I honestly never thought I would say. But today, I miss...

Sadona.

You Are Home

The other day I cut my finger..real deep. We were snowed in and my friend Igor had to go to dance class and so I was staying at their home with his little brother Dima. Dima was watching Chicken Little (In Russian of course) and I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready. I went to cut a piece of salami and WAM! half of my finger was bleeding everywhere, even through the finger nail. Okay, so it wasn't that bad. I started running the cold water (as you are supposed to do when you cut yourself) and called to Dima. He waddled into the room. I casually asked him if he wanted to eat. He said he did and then sat at the table. Blood still gushing everywhere I asked him to help. He helped nonchalantly and without objection but I realized he didn't even flinch at the blood. I don't know, maybe an hour later, it hit him when he grabbed my hand and looked at my finger. He asked me what happened and if I needed a bandaid. I began to laugh and immediatly he phoned his mother. It was a classic moment. Here was this six year old doctoring my finger. And all in Russian. He scolded me for not telling him sooner.

I had a once in a lifetime experience this last week. We were snowed in (iced in more like it) and couldn't go anywhere except for adventure in an occasional snowball fight (until our fingers froze over) and then came in for hot tea and condensed milk. I spent the whole time with a family who taught me new things, brought back old memories, and reminded me how to play a good game of inside football and how to make up tunes on the piano. How to go bowling in Russian and go ice skating in Russian. Somehow, I kind of forgot (it's been about six months) how to stay up until two in the morning talking and comparing jokes from our different cultures.

What happens when you meet a friend that you never get tired of? Are those rare occurances or for some people is that common? Let's just be honest that at some point or another, after spending seven days strait together you will get a little tired of them...but what does it mean if you never do? If it wasn't for the naturalness and neccesity of sleep you could just keep talking? Does that make a person uncommonly cool? Oh, and we all know how hard cool people are to find.

The Ukrainian Way

I decided in these last two minutes that I officially love this country.

It's a saturday afternoon and I came down here to send some emails and when I sat down at the computer the craziness began. Maybe it's just the restless weariness of these last couple of days...I don't know for sure. Or perhaps this smell that only happens when a room is filled with boys.

I came in and sat down and of course the keyboard is old and only types the letters it wants...and so as I pound on the keyboard to get the letters to come out I realize how dirty these keyboard is annnd I probably and really should be using gloves. So then, waiting a century for the page to load, I turn around and see a kid no older then five years old watching his older brother (who is maybe just mabe . maybe 8) playing video games. This would be ok if it was maybe like Disney games or educational or maybe like...at least Super Mario or something--but no. These are grusome games full of blood and killing and murder. I smile and wave at the five year old and he waves back. Oh bless him. Then I survey the rest of the room (there is about 20 computers in here) and see old men, married men, young kids, teenagers, whoever p-l-a-y-i-n-g video games.I then realize perhaps thats why this keyboard doesn't work so well. I should be playing video games...maybe later. Maybe this happens everywhere. I'm not gonna ask why they like it, because it's evident. It's fun. It's really kind of sort of interesting though. Only in Ukraine as we would say.

Haha. I do love it here. It's strangely magical. ьсо хорошо.

Riding that wave...

"Just ride the wave Jesus has blessed you with right now, DONT BE AFRAID to stand up on your board and surf....you might fall (but the water will break your fall) or you'll just ride that wave all the way to shore." --a quite wise analogy from my good friend Rachel...

So on my walk in the first deep snowfall here in Ukraine this was my discover:

There are two ways to walk here in Ukraine. You can rush over the thick layer of ice and risk a broken tail bone or waddle like a penguin and feel your toes gradually freeze. Today I chose the later, and made it home just in time for my toes to defrost.

On my left, this morning, was a young man who decided it was better to release the contents of his stuffy nose on the ground rather then in a hankerchief that would be put in his pocket. I burst into a fit of laughter as Zoya tried to hush me, "Melanie! What is so funny!? He just spread his germs and infections on the ground!" But I couldn't contain my outburst of amusement.

Then, on ahead, we trudged through the icy streets of Donestk, Ukraine and looked ahead as all that was in clear view was mounds of hard white ice/snows. Some big and some small white mini-mountains. How to walk through this? I looked down at my two heavy parcels in both hands and laughed out loud--it was like climbing Mount Everest sometimes--that difficult (although I never have climbed Mount Everest) But the laughter run clear throughout our journey as sometimes I felt like we were heading towards the Mines of Moria in hope of an easier route. (and sometimes that easier route was a crowded trolley bus.)

The sidewalks had long disapeared admist the ice and snow yet somehow Zoya and I discovered a place to walk. The slushy water looked rich enough to drink (or not) and the impatient cars that zipped by knew little caution. I tried to warn the two busy teenagers who rushed past with a broken Russian "Быт осторожна!" but they ignored me completely...not my fault!

"I was hoping the train was my big number...I don't know what it is to get me over, I don't know what it is to get me over....but you gotta be there."

Everything Is Illuminated

So I sit, in a internet club with Japanese students in the backround rambling to someone over messenger. The old gentlemen next to me and I just exchanged smirking glances and directed our eyeballs back to the computer screen in front of us. I look outside and snow is falling gracefully. This morning I kept praying as I starred out the window, "Please, Jesus, just a little bit of snow...please! Christmas is in one week! Please!" and sure enough, that is our faithful Jesus...sending His faithfulness in everything big and small. So, right now, I see the little and I reckon that calls for trust that His faithfulness leaks into the big things as well.

I strolled the streets heading towards the internet, Christmas melodies playing gently in my ear and I had just a chance to laugh. To laugh about all the craziness that is going on and all the stuff that could go on for the rest of my life and just thankful that I can hope...and that hoping is okay. Though...Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.

So, while I was here, my parents saw "Everything is Illuminated." Now, if you haven't seen it, please, please, please SEE IT! Not only does it have our talented and attractive actor Elijah Wood, but also it takes place in Ukraine! It's a for real movie and I walk the streets here and wonder if these people realize that their country is being seen in theaters all over America?? It sure isn't playing here...although The Lion Witch and the Wardrobe comes out Dec. 27...but haven't seen any pictures for the other...so, anyway, Everything is Illuminated, see it and tell me what you think (of course not what happens) and know that he goes through Odessa and other parts (Odessa is where Andrey and Irina live!) I dunno, maybe its just me, but...ya know.

A quote comes to mind and I will end it with this...

"Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

"Table two, your order is ready."

This one goes out to the dancer in each one of us.

Or, a random shuffle on the iPod...in return for the blessing of Kate's post :)

1.) When You Hold Me-For All the Drifters ...a song of my brother's old band, that Jaci Valesquez took and re-did...she actually did a really good job.

2.)One Boy- Bye Bye Birdie Soundtrack...I remember the first time I watched this movie with Andrea and...I forget who else.

3.)Rainbow Connection--Willie Nelson...Oh this song rings soft and melodic for the soul. So simple yet so deep. Wouldn't it be cool if Willie Nelson was your uncle?

4.)Don't Pass Me By--The Beatles White Album...haha. I LOVE this song. It's one I remember dancing around to in England...it sways so perfectly. If I remember correctly I listened to it a lot in the month of January after being in Kansas for a month :)

5.)The Might of Rome--Gladiator soundtrack...oh this movie is good. I saw it on tv a few weeks ago...of course dubbed over in Russian, but I sat on a stool close to the TV and listened for the english.

6.) Help!--The Beatles...a song that Rachel played in the car last Christmas. We were driving to the airport and she blasted it, Teri and Mindy in the back and me in the front seat, (of course :) The words are priceless.

7.) Carrying the Banner--Newsies...what else to say? I spent half of my life singing this song...

8.)In Christ Alone--Capernwray Version.

9.)Landed--Ben Folds Songs for Silverman...I kind of sort of wish I could have written this song, haha. It's just so good.

10.)Deeper--Delirious? ...one of my all time favourite Delirious songs.

11.)Castle On A Cloud..Les Miserables...wow, this just gets more and more random.

12.)I Know Who You Are--Ginny Owens...I heard this song for the first time in October and Jesus used it more then once to speak to me...to remind me and to bring me to reality.

13.)Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas--Judy Garland...Ooh, what a beautiful moment in the film and...I will miss me home for Christmas a wee bit.

14.)Kto Ani--Russian Praise Music...I thought one of the best ways to learn a language is to listen to music in that language, but I think maybe it's good to know how to pronounce the words before you sing them :)

15.)Thank You--Led Zeppelin...Oh, classic.

16.)The Truth--Gattaca soundtrack

17.)Main Title--Take Off--The Rocketeer Soundtrack...I think I took Kate's advice on this one and listened to it as I flew over the ocean towards Ukraine.

18.)Scammed by a Kindergartner--Home Alone Soundtrack...I know we all remember that part in the movie.

19.)Two Of Us--I Am Sam soundtrack...so, I cheated a little and skipped some others, but this one is just...it's just...ya know...from me to you, sealed and everything :)

So, since Kate only did 19 that's all I shall do as well :)

alwaysalwaysALWAYS be yourself.

I Dig Music.

Something strange happened to me when I got to Ukraine. It's like music came alive to me again...yes of course, I greatly savored my moments of pure bliss singing at the top of my lungs on the highway, passing strangers and fellow drivers, but here it's a bit different. First of all, we live in apartment blocks and we always have to "consider our neighbors." and that's right, since I got here three months ago I haven't sung at the top of my lungs...except for those couple of times in the shower, but, a ya know. So, where do I fuel my need for musical escape?

It's in the little musical box I bought, by God's pure grace, a year ago. My iPod. I take it every day on the 1/2 hour bus drive into work, sometimes crammed between people (haha, and I mean crammed...sometimes in ways that I thought was only meant for a husband and a wife) sometimes sitting starring out the window, or sometimes just walking and trying to protect my ears from the bitter wind. But new music has touched me, as well as taught me how to break out into a move in my room late at night (listening with headphones, of course.) but one of my favourites...the one that the first time I heard it, I felt that it was from some movie I had never seen. Is it? Anyway, I mouthed it at the top of my lungs- Queen's "Somebody to Love." and than, more recently "Don't Stop Me Now." These songs are real classics. I didn't really know Queen but put them on my ipod more out of respect but as each song came on shuffle I couldn't change it. Especially, "Don't Stop Me Now." I felt that right there, sitting on that ancient tram, I just HAD to start dancing. I couldn't, of course, but I wanted to.

'Cause I'm having a good time...

Also, the new Coldplay cd, which my brother said was "so-so" but I really...really enjoy it. Each song is pleasant and smooth and full of talent.

I recall a moment in the not so distant past when someone stood on the top of a high hill and yelled, their arms spread out like a plane and shouted. "I dig music."

I couldn't agree more.

ps.
me-bon-who-lives-over-the-ocean inspired this post and late night walks just to listen to the music and think. klass.

Time...on my mind...

Well, it's been a good long while since I've written anything in this. Maybe it's a good thing, or maybe not. But either way, I have been inspired somehow. I don't have a lot to say, haha...when do I not have something to say? No, but seriously. I saw one of the funniest things the other day. I saw a stranger walking next to me. (not that this is abnormal, but...) It was dark and the ground was covered in a thick layer of ice. We all looked like we were waddling penguins or something. Anyway. We were waddling down the darkened street and a kid passed me. Okay, he was maybe 18 or 19 years old and he had a little acne (something that Ukrainians often point out) and he had a little tire-like roll around his waist. He looked insecure and melancholy and I watched him cross the street in front of us. I watched him as we walked a few yards apart from each other the entire way home. He had a cigarette in his right hand. I waited to for him to take a puff, but nothing. It sat in his hand. Occasionally he brought it up to his lips, but only to exhale quickly and return his hand to his side. I laughed out loud. How hard and tiring it must be to fit into an image that one is told to be. But then again, isn't that what we all are doing? I was listening to a lecture this morning from a guy that taught at Capernwray. He was talking about the freedom we have in Christ and if we are so "free" in Christ, why do we continue sinning? And do we know that while we continue to sin we are are not as "free" as we might want the "freedom" to make us feel, but rather we are a slave again to sin? So, I kept thinking...how is it possible not to sin? Is it possible? I don't know. I think that it's normal, and I think that no matter how hard we try not to, we will. I am not saying that because that kid was smoking that means he was sinning. I don't even know the guy! But I do know what it feels like to follow something because I believe it will bring me happiness and to do something because I want to be "free" when in reality all I feel inside is like I am being chained down to a life that wears me out. So what's the answer? Where's the refuge? I think it's just resting in Him. Brennan Manning wrote once that all we have to do is rest in the lap of our Abba and listen to His heartbeat. To just trust Him.
I do wonder, however, how much money that kid wastes on a pack of cigarettes just to play a role that he is told he should play. Especially because he doesn't inhale but just lets it rest on his side...for decoration maybe. Only God knows.

Oi, I am here.

My third day out of America.

My second day in the Ukraine.

My first day where I felt slightly normal waking up...a dream however, was quite startling and my sleep is unsteady and rare. But God is faithful, as always.

Yesterday we were driving home in a mini-bus and the driver asked why Zoya was speaking in english and she explained we were visitors from Australia and America and he began to ask so many questions about life at home and how different it was. He was so surprised to hear of visitors to the Ukraine. We spoke and joked like we were family and it was great. Only one other man was on the bus and so we talked of life (they asked about McDonalds and if we ate it a lot in America!) and if life in America was like the movies and all these things that most Ukrainians probably believe. It was incredible. He asked us to go for a beer, but we told him we don't drink (though almost every male does here) and that we would go for coffee or something. A few others entered the bus and the conversation subsided and it was done. It was a blessing.

Anyway, pictures coming soon.