12 February 2005

the potting wheel

..i was talking to abbie today about letting go. about accepting feelings and the reality of pain and the the experience of a love loss. it was incredible to hear how similar we felt, how intense we both are. i looked at her from across my parents mini-van, her in the passanger seat and i in the front seat.

"is something really wrong with us?"
i asked.

"no mel..nothing is wrong with us. it's Jesus working and shaping us and molding us into the people He wants us to be" she emphasized complete with hand motions. sometimes i miss him even now when i know im not supposed to. healing is such a process that seems to go on for years. how long until we are healed of this past that plagues us? when will it be that we cry out to Jesus and we forget? i think about it nearly daily and its this process of having to accept him as if he "died"
...at school Rob talked (thats Rob in the picture) a lot about "you can forgive until you are blue in the face but you can't forget" and "its impossible to concentrate on forgetting." and importantly: "forgiving isn't a step, it's a process."
Rob Whitaker
....and that scares me to do. how long until i'll forget? i talked to grace this morning a bit about. i dont wish none of it had happened i just wish the memories weren't as visible in my mind as they were when they happened. sometimes, and often, it's surrendering to Jesus whether on your kitchen floor, in your bedroom or driving to work...raising your hands and begging Jesus to begin the process of healing. to begin to shape and mold us. amen,

3 comments:

thekate said...

AMEN.

And hi there, Rob, good to see ya.

It's so true, you can't practice forgetting... and YES, it is about being honest and surrendering everything, in so many different moments, to God. I'm still learning that I can't become okay just by saying I am, can't forget and move on just by wanting to. You have to admit your hurt and feel it and walk through it with Jesus.

And what a strong, beautiful, and honest woman Jesus is making you, (MOLDING you to be) through this and through so much more.

Cap'n Geech said...

You're really right about the kitchen floor. I have a feeling that when the Bible talks about Abraham and the other greats of the faith laying themselves out before the Lord, that in modern day they may very well have stretched out on the half-scrubbed linoleum.

This Is My Story said...

Oh Melanie, I so much know what you're talking about!

As I was driving last night I experienced the same thing...just throwing up my hands and asking God to make the memories of him less visible and take away the feelings of missing him SO BADLY and remembering everything he said and all his facial expressions, and yes, feeling like he died because I can never let myself feel like I did for him again.

But I've also had the blessing of God completely healing me and helping me actually *forget* another guy like that, and it's amazing! I never thought I'd let go. So I just want to encourage you that it CAN happen, even if it's a long and aching process.

You're in my prayers. *hugs*

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