..i was talking to abbie today about letting go. about accepting feelings and the reality of pain and the the experience of a love loss. it was incredible to hear how similar we felt, how intense we both are. i looked at her from across my parents mini-van, her in the passanger seat and i in the front seat.
"is something really wrong with us?"
"no mel..nothing is wrong with us. it's Jesus working and shaping us and molding us into the people He wants us to be" she emphasized complete with hand motions. sometimes i miss him even now when i know im not supposed to. healing is such a process that seems to go on for years. how long until we are healed of this past that plagues us? when will it be that we cry out to Jesus and we forget? i think about it nearly daily and its this process of having to accept him as if he "died"
...at school Rob talked (thats Rob in the picture) a lot about "you can forgive until you are blue in the face but you can't forget" and "its impossible to concentrate on forgetting." and importantly: "forgiving isn't a step, it's a process."
....and that scares me to do. how long until i'll forget? i talked to grace this morning a bit about. i dont wish none of it had happened i just wish the memories weren't as visible in my mind as they were when they happened. sometimes, and often, it's surrendering to Jesus whether on your kitchen floor, in your bedroom or driving to work...raising your hands and begging Jesus to begin the process of healing. to begin to shape and mold us. amen,