20 July 2014


The thing about kids and illness is, it's unpredictable. and I don't do so great with unpredictable things. There, I said it.

I wish I could sense when they're about to get the stomach flu, a cold or an ear infection.
I wish I could sense when they're about to get hurt, hurt someone or touch a hot stove or slam their little fingies in the door.
I wish there was some sort of sense that said, "this is about to happen. be ready."

There typically isn't…though sometimes there is a little bit of mama-sense. Ya know, when it's quiet and you're in the other room and you got "it's too quiet. they're into something." and you go into their room to find lotion or diaper creme everywhere. haha.

But a few weeks ago when Jack had his 107 fever, there wasn't a whole lot of mama-sense going on.
There was a "you're-coming-to-the-store-with-me-so-your-dad-and-sister-can-nap-since-you-won't." sense happening. And it wasn't my finest moment, I'll be honest. We stopped quickly at Big Lots and Walgreens to grab a new thermometer. He'd stop every few feet and say how cold he was. I held him for a while and told him this is why he needed to nap.

Sorry, buddy.

When we pulled into the garage he said, "right when we get inside mom I'm going strait outside because I am cold and I wanna be warm!" which is not an abnormal thing to hear from my Arizona-born son.

So when we came inside I told him he could go outside while I bring the groceries in.
Within a few minutes he was back at the door asking for a drink of water. He felt a little warm so I asked him to come inside and sit down for a second so I could get his temperature. This was a little inconvenient for my boy and would rather not be bothered.

But when I did swipe that little gadget across his forehead and it read 107 I nearly lost my mind.
How on earth? He was just playing outside?

John seemed to react a little more concerned than I did. Having just experienced a high temp with Zoey a week before (thank you, double ear infection) I had spent a lot of time on the phone with nurses who said again and again "what we look for is how they're acting compared to how high the temperature is." Jack didn't seem to be acting too different, but none the less we took his shirt off, turned on a fan and put a cold wash cloth on his forehead. We gave him some medicine and waited. Then called our babysitter to stay with Zoey and swooped Jack into the car and to the ER.

In retrospect, it was probably one of his favorite memories (if you remember it, Goose.) because he had mommy and daddy and mom's games on her phone and dad to play trains with at the hospital and he had zero other symptoms.

So strange.

For me, it was an experience I'll never forget. For the first time in my short years of motherhood I didn't shake with anxiety over what would happen to my baby boy, I didn't giggle when I shouldn't or feel like I was going to vomit (this happens to me often when our kids gets sick.) I think it helped that he was acting himself, but more than that it helped that he could communicate how he was feeling.

I pray Jesus has made a change in my heart, I pray that He has overcome my anxiety over whether or not my kiddos are sick or gonna-be, 'cause it's just not worth it. and what control do I have over it any how?

My mantra for this year has been "even if my greatest fears happen, and they could, He will carry me through because He always does." 

that idea rocked my world. To not wonder if He is punishing me, or trying to "teach me" something or just test my faith. But to know and remember that we live in a fallen, broken world and bad things will happen and that's not a part of His plan. But even if they do, even if our kids get high temperatures or break a limb or have to have surgery, He is the only thing and person who can and will carry us through. Simple truth, I know, but still amazes me.

thankful Jack was fine a day later and couldn't wait to go back and play outside.

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