exposure

The last post kind of turned into this, but I thought I'd make them two separate ones. I wasn't planning to process all of this after our little train excursion, but it happened. So here it is.

As we sat on the public transportation I was taken back to Ukraine a few years ago when I rode public transportation everywhere. I didn't think anything of it. I stuck my ipod headphones in and zoned out or people watched.

But here I was, first of all in America where I know the language, and yet secondly with my two little children and a part of me (if I'm 100% honest with myself and...whoever reads this.) I wanted to shield them from the weirdo who talked to us the entire way back or from the dirty seats and germs everywhere. I didn't want to "expose" them to anything like that because they were two young and our world has become, I'm afraid, too small. 

Because so many in America (not just in Ukraine as I seemed to forget) use public transport every single day and so many are homeless and sometimes it's necessary, important to "expose" our kids to them so that they can love them and tell them about Jesus. So they can be brave and enter in that world, just like Jesus did, and share Christ with them. "Exposing" them is necessary; it's vital to their understanding of the world and what others go through and live with. It's vital to encourage their empathy, not just from what they know, but all that they don't know, but still exists. 

I visited with a friend the other day who is living in Cambodia and doing some incredible stuff. I was privileged to share a cup of coffee with her on a beautiful, breezy afternoon in April and hear about her life there. As I drove away I realized that to hear the stories and imagine what she is saying will never come close to how she is actually living there. I can always imagine, but until I put myself there in person, in flesh, like Jesus did, I can't really get it. I've had the incredible season of doing overseas missions and that will always be a part of my heartbeat. I'm not sure if God has that in the future for us, but what an amazing opportunity I have to encourage it in my kiddo's as they grow. Of course, one of the scariest thing I can imagine is sending my kid's overseas to a country that is so dangerous and so detached from the comfort and familiarity of America, but man. Isn't that truly living? What if God does lay it on their heart? What if they do go? How incredible would that be?  To be exposed to the reality of the world around us and the reality that if we're honest with ourselves we're not that different at all. We need somebody, Something and we're all looking for a place to belong and feel accepted. And what a message to share that we can find that in Jesus.

going to california

Living in Arizona has some serious perks.

Although I visited some incredible caves and historical places as a kid (something I wish my kid's experienced more) I sure did want to go to California. What kid doesn't? We came once, if I remember correctly, and it was awesome. 

Since we live next door to California our theory is, as long as God has us here we will visit. Because, man, it is beautiful. The beach, the air, the green, the mountains, the weather...it's really something. and it's so close.

So John had originally had a speaking engagement this Thursday and last Thursday he came home from work with sweet, thoughtful, small gifts for the kiddos and spontaneously asked if we should all go to California together.

So we did. We packed up a test car (a strategy and whole lot of work that I think I'm getting the hang of. For now.) and drove the six hours to a house near the beach and salty air on our skin. It fits just right. The kid's slept great and we left this morning around 9 to go on a train and view a little bit of the coast. Jack loves trains, like every single time we heard the train whistle (several times a day) he would put out his little arms and squeal, "did you hear that?!?! it's a TRAIN!" he was in heaven when we got on our Coaster train.

This is him saying, "TRAINS!"

Our idea was to go for a little bit, eat lunch, then come home. Well, apparently we are no longer seasoned travelers because we did not research a thing (a similar mistake I made going to Germany with two friends from Bible school. Brief story telling-time...

This was not the first time I have made such a mistake. When we flew from England to Germany in the spring of 2004, we only had our flights and that was about it. We had a friend to stay with once we got there, but that was just for a couple of nights. We were a wee bit unprepared. We arrived in Heidelberg with no reservations or nearby hostels. In fact, when our plane landed we were in the middle of nowhere. So we hopped on a bus and drove into the nearest city where we continued to have no clue where we were going. We were optimistic and naive. We had all evening to find some accommodations.

That was until it started getting dark. We began to panic and yet somehow found this cute bed and breakfast (that wasn't crazy expensive) and enjoy a nice little attic room.

On one of our many lost excursions (to find our next place to sleep) we were going in and through hotels and malls and up staircases and down them. We had our huge backpacks on and my dear friend Susan collapsed on the stairwell, half crying-half laughing. "I can't go anymore. That's in, I'm done!" We could either laugh or cry. I pulled on her backpack and yelled "come on, Susan! We can do this!" Those ten days were a slew of unplanned, un-thought out and yet really fun experiences. We arrived about five days early to a friend from Bible school's house and asked if we could stay the whole week. Our third travel partner left a bit early and we went north to Bonn where we arrived a night early and realized we didn't have a hostel or a hotel or anything. Oh, and on our way up north we missed our train and couldn't figure out how to get the next one. We met an old homeless woman who spoke some English, and had a pet rat living in her shirt, and she helped us find the way. That's the most of it that I can remember, but seriously. I am not a very big planner...or so I remembered. I've definitely grown in that area being a mom to two little ones, but I am not very spontaneous in real life. (shocker.) We have a routine of our days and we pretty much stick to that. Too many un-planned events happening and I get a little bit uncomfortable.

Fast forward to today and it was like a flashback. We didn't really look at when the next train came or more importantly, where we would eat at the stop we did take.

I may or may not have been...a little frustrated and for those two friends who hiked the rim with me in Sedona (you know who you are) you may remember I get a little bit feisty when it comes to excess hiking that was no planned/did not have the right shoes/too hot for.

So after a little bit of a heated discussion between John and I we made our way through residential areas and Volvo sales lots and decided to keep quiet til we got some food.

We walked for .8 miles and ate at Pick up Stick and got a coffee. What could have ruined the day ended up being okay. The kids played by a really cute fountain and the weather was particularly beautiful for that kind of excursion.

Until we got back to the train stop and missed our train by 2 minutes.

That's right people. Us inexperienced travelers were on the wrong side of the tracks + read the time wrong. 

Wow. What an example of our spontaneity kind of biting us in the behinds.

But the kids were awesome and after we took a couple of buses and made our way back to our little hometown they were both getting sleepy and Jack somehow managed to hold in his pee until we got back to the train station.

Never a dull moment, people. I tell ya what. We all came home and crashed. So wonderful.

catching up.

i mean.

i just don't even have words to express the cuteness of this little face.

she loves the flash.

that's my girl. any chance to get in on a lil photo shoot.

this shots are old, but i wanted to document the trip that john's parent's made up here in february. so much fun. minus the stomach bug that infected our home the week before, but like always, it was wonderful to see his parent's.

//

the rest of these are just a little bit of fun from the rest of spring. 

i love this picture so much. he loves his cars and he gets so excited to talk about them.

sleepy girl with her daddy.

an early spring snow. i had just gotten spring oreos and we had a big snowstorm. kind of funny.

and st. patty's day was in there too.

that hair...

some cuddle reading time...so precious.

empathy

I've been praying for our Jackboy to have a bit more empathy.

poor Jack and his allergies.

He's a boy and a toddler so I don't expect tears of sadness when someone else is sad, but we did start praying for true remorse and acknowledging when others are sad or he has hurt their feelings.

And so I watch it begin, thank you Jesus. I imagine 3 1/2 is about when it starts, but man. It has been so incredible to watch him grow. He's getting it. His little heart is forming and I just keep praying that I don't get in the way.



I see a lightbulb go on when we talk about Jesus dying on the cross for us, in our place, because He loves us. He asked so many questions, about the thorns on His head and the ouchies on His body (we were reading from this kid's Bible.) I watched and listened as the dots were connecting and Jack just starred at the page and then said, "I don't want to look at this anymore, Mommy." We turned the pages and I was able to tell him that Jesus is alive and all better and He came to life. But He had to do that for us because He loves us.

The author wrote it like this,

"And of course they were right. Jesus could have just climbed down. Actually, he could have just said a word and made it all stop. like when he healed that little girl. and stilled the storm. and fed 5,000 people.

But Jesus stayed.

You see, they didn't understand. It wasn't the nail that kept Jesus there. It was love.

"Papa?" Jesus cried, frantically searched the sky. "Papa? Where are you? Don't leave me!"

And for the first time--and the last--when He spoke, nothing happened. Just horrible, endless silence. 

God didn't answer, he turned away from his Boy. 

Tears rolled down Jesus' face. The face of the one who would wipe away every tear from every eye."

um, yeah. I was barely holding it together as I read that aloud to my boy. He stared at the page for a long, long time. Empathy and sadness filling his little heart.

oh, how awesome it was to share with Jack that Jesus doesn't stay dead, that He came back to life! We flipped back and forth between the picture of Jesus on the cross and the picture of Him alive and well. That was a neat moment.

//

I love seeing Jack connect the dots, his faith growing and his heart opening up to learn about Jesus.



He asks so many questions and repeats so much of what we say (good and bad things) and is ever keeping up with my words and reminds me when they aren't true.

I told him the other day that Zoey and I would leave if he didn't hurry up and get his shoes on. (i was a little frustrated.) He cried and I felt bad for saying it. It wasn't true, I would never leave him. So I apologized when we got in the car and told him I would never leave him behind.

a few days later I said it again without thinking (we're working on putting on our own socks and shoes and my little man doesn't dig it.) when all of the sudden he burst into tears, "you said it again! you told me you wouldn't and you did!"

ouch.

i apologized again and we hugged and i was reminded how important words are and how greatly my words can build him up or tear him. no pressure, mel. we listen to steve green a lot in the car and there's a song that goes "encourage one another and build each other up, build each other up...don't tear each other down." i try to pray that song for my own heart when we sing it too.

they are in a fort building stage. every day. hours of entertainment. totally worth it.

oh, the baby girl is awake and reminding me she needs to be picked up. i'll leave you with this.

zoey evelyn

This girl.

started eating oatmeal recently. such a mess, but both of my kids love it. 

she loves perching herself on these pillows. she can sit there for like 20 minutes. she has to have like 5 blankets, her baby and her bear, but she'll stay there, eat snacks there, laugh there; her own little perch.

and of course sporting her bob dylan tee.

She has captivated me with her little grin and her tiny hands that bounce up and down when she wants to be picked up.

The way she doesn't put up with her big brother's toy take-away.

The early stages of walking, holding a finger, so excited that she's balancing.

Watching them become buddies, pals and kindred spirits.

i can't wait to see how they grow together.

easter celebration

Every Holiday since we started having kids, I've been going through this process.



This process of perspective and realizing that being married to a Pastor requires sacrifice and that sacrifice gets into my personal space when Holidays come around. My parents did an incredible job at filling our homes with traditions, memories, delicious food and celebration. I love that about my childhood. I want to create our own traditions with my kiddos and celebrate each Holiday to the fullest. However, Easter and Christmas (two of the very best) are a big deal at church. It's such an amazing opportunity to tell people about Christ and His coming as a baby and dying for the sins of the world. Such a powerful and needed message to share. My hubby pours his heart and soul into the process and barely comes up for air. He is serving Jesus with his whole heart and entire life and that's the kind of man I prayed for and love. So why do I get all pity-party-Mel when holidays come around?

I asked myself this Saturday night as I put my kid's Easter baskets together. John was working and there I was, feeling sorry for myself again and how all the Holiday planning and prep is kind of left to me (which I do realize is very common whether or not you're married to a Pastor ;) After a good hour of this, Jesus so patiently and graciously reminded me that this sacrifice is what I'm called to do, what my heart desires to do, what I had told Him I wanted to do alone in a flat in Ukraine in 2006. My greatest desire is that people come to know Jesus and He is using John during this season of our lives to do so. And He's using him during Holidays and suddenly my Holidays aren't mine anymore. They are to be shared, with the Body with friends who are alone and with those who need to hear the message of Hope. So what if our kid's don't have every memory of their childhood that I did? (I write this, secretly asking Jesus to still give our kids a fun childhood, even without every tradition I had.) They'll have their own memories and how cool to think that this is all that they'll know. And here I have such an opportunity to share with them why their daddy does what he does and the sacrifice that they make, in sharing him, Jesus sees and knows and it's worth it.

and look at those two. they don't even know that there are supposed to be cinnamon rolls or coffee cake on Easter morning (we had hot cross buns) or that mom is supposed to hide their basket. They're just excited to eat candy. (and rightly so!)

they both loved sixlets.


I met with a dear mentor and friend who is also a Pastor's wife and has raised two kids. And man, she did a great job. Holidays were just always different, she told me. They celebrated on a different day sometimes, had different sort of traditions and that's all her kids knew. And they loved it.

I wonder what our kids will say, some twenty years from now when they're starting their own traditions with their family? I hope they look back, recalling how their parent's served Jesus with their whole lives and those sacrifices we all made, were made for Christ and He saw each one. I hope they are a little less selfish than I am in having to have everything just the way they had it when they were a kid and that they can be okay with trying something new. Because new is good. New is fresh and clean and necessary. Oh don't you know I've carried on many traditions that I had as a kid, but also some of John's and some new ones along the way. Because that's how it goes, I guess. Maybe that's all it is, maybe it's just another phase of growing up that I'm resisting because my childhood was really magical. Maybe I've been in denial up until now. Either way, it is time. This whole growing up and having kids process. It still feels so weird, yet here it is. Here we go.

Zoey had been fighting off a fever the night before and cutting two big molars. She is just not herself these last few days. Is it chicken pox? What is it?



//

I seriously was dying. This is so hilarious. And so reminds of these moments from a while ago.

We went to my parent's after Easter service and it was a grand time. Zoey still wasn't her usual self, but she was happy none the less.

and Jack had the time of his life on the trampoline with his cousins. he is still talking about it and asks to go back every morning.

Zoey with Aunt Leilani. That blanket, so great.

My brother said, "don't take a picture of me." love that face.

Jack and Papa.