Summer monsoons are in full swing as I sit and type and eat crackers and cottage cheese. My appetite has also returned and it has brought with it consistent hunger that doesn't seem to end unless I'm sleeping. And it all comes back to me, how I gained all that weight with Jack. And ate so much delicious food.
I feel thankful and full of hope that all is going well. We're in the second trimester this week and I can feel my energy returning, though my nausea still remains. I've been struggling a lot with fear lately and worry. Common worries for early pregnancy, but with me, worrying tends to be taken to a different level. On Sunday we heard a great sermon from a friend of ours who talked about how we are made to worship. We spend our lives worshiping something, but it's choosing what to worship. For me, I tend to let idols be what I worship. Idols that are, fame, control, fear, pride, doubt, things that we don't just think about, but allow to take over our hearts and lose our focus on Christ. I long to just have my gaze directed towards God and look to Him rather than the worry and fear that is so familiar and well known, but brings no peace and rest. To be able to look my deepest fear in the eye and tell it, "I'm not afraid anymore." Because, I'm not. Even if it's the absolute worst thing I could imagine, He is faithful. He is strong. He will use it for His glory. I was reminded this morning as I prayed that it's not a sin to be weak. That we all are weak, but in that weakness, He is made strong.
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9
And that brought such peace. A moment I could breath and let it go. Again. Until an hour later when I had to do the same thing. :)
Last week we went north to Sedona to see my cousin and his wife for the day. It was so wonderful. My cousin Greg and I grew up by that creek and created hundreds of stories in those woods. It was great to take our boys there and see them take it in. Of course, I imagined them being a bit older and climbing mountains and building forts in the rocks and pretending that they are running away from the orphanage. Swimming in the creek and creating another world that only they knew of. I hope all those things for them, just because I miss my childhood so.
|my cousin, Greg and Jack and Noah.|
|Noah is so cute!|
|possibly my favorite picture. Noah and Jack are so much alike and both love to run, to laugh, to swing and hit. Just sometimes. They're boys, what can I say?|
The creek was cool, but not freezing. The weather was overcast and beautiful. A perfect summer afternoon.
We finished the afternoon with delicious bean soup and playing with the dogs outside on the deck. Jack fell asleep on our way home and it was the ending of a really great day.