hot cross buns

On Easter Sunday I went on a vigorous search for hot cross buns. According to the baker at Fry's grocery there were none in our tri-city location. Seriously. What was I doing searching for the buns on Easter morning? Traditions a little too late. Next year, I'm makin' 'em on my own.

 
Oh well, I did find a Thomas pez for Jackboy and he loves it. I have a special place in my heart for Pez dispensers and was so excited that Jack can share my love for pez and their dispensers.

My man also surprised me with some of the most colorful flowers in all the world (courtesy of dye. and love.)

Sunday we celebrated Christ's resurrection and it was a beautiful day. John's sermon was incredible and God used it in some awesome ways. After church I brought Jack home and we got the car ready, munched on peeps, packed up food, cameras, Easter baskets and trains to make the treck with John down to Grandma and Grandpa's. With them, the celebration continued and we caught up with family we don't see often enough and enjoyed an incredible lunch. Jack played in the yard with Gracie, chased her with the ball (but not realizing she was chasing him to get the ball out of his hand.) Jack played with his older cousin Andy and with trains all day long. 


This Easter I was reminded of/experienced a new truth of God and the reality that He knows the pain of losing a child and has experienced it himself. Not only did He lose a child, but a grown man, His only son and it grieved Him to do lose him, but He did it for our sake and so that we might live. That fact blows my mind. Having lost two wee ones, I know He has experienced that same pain, but I didn't lose those kiddos so that others might live. If I'm really honest with myself, I'm not sure I could do that. As a mama, I would die for my kiddos, but don't think I could let them die so others could live. It's the greatest sacrifice. It's mercy in all it's greatness knowing we don't deserve it, but He did it anyway. 


I read this article a few weeks ago and was so touched by the truths in it. 


So thankful for Easter and the mercy that it holds. That we don't deserve, but He gives it freely. So thankful Jesus lives so we can have a personal relationship with Him.

 I would like to be able to leave out the part about how Jack was the most restless sleeper on Easter night and that he was up by 5:30am after barely sleeping that night and playing hard all day and runnin' on a one hour nap, but I can't. Because he ate too much candy. Because that's how that night went and I felt like I had a newborn come Monday morning. Where did my toddler go? Praise Jesus he returned Monday night and slept strait until 7:30. That-a-boy.

 reconnecting and sharing old stories. 

 my grandpa. such a sweet man. 

 I love how Jack is leaning in to Andy in this picture. So cute.

Maggie is truly a beautiful lady. I love sisters and the unique relationship that they share and I especially love seeing Maggie as she nears graduating from high school. I'm so proud of her and woman that she has become. I can't wait to see where her life leads to.

Seeing my Pops with his little grandson really warms my heart. Not only do they look like twins, but he has such a deep and unshakable love for babies. And Aaron's blue eyes, omygoodness.

Easter has come and gone and next is Mother's Day. In other news, my plants are really growing. I'm excited to see what the end of the summer holds! Thanks to dear friends with years of experience and helpful tips, we might just be able to eat some of the fruits of this labor.

life with jack

Lately the days with Jack have felt more fun than ever. Don't get me wrong. I have loved every stage of life with him, but this one is my favorite. He can't quite talk, but understands more than I think he can, and he is so hilarious. I'm a little biased, but the deep chuckle he does when he gets excited kills me. I want to record it and play it over and over on those dark teenager days when I wonder, "who is this person and why is he in our house?" Kidding. Kind of.





He's found the lines on the carpet to make the roads for his cars and the deep roars of the dinosaurs that invade my lap when he brings them to me. He's discovered what to say when he pinches his finger or trips over a huge pile of trucks. "Ouch." and he holds the furrowed brow and puckered lips. My heart melts every, single time. He loves his cups too and has a good time putting them together and taking them apart. Over and over. He does not get this from me.

He's taken to dancing too (I tried not to push it, but have danced circles around him since he was 1 month old. Yeah, that first month I wasn't able to do much dancing.) When we turn on Thomas he does his giddy dance in which he stomps his feet and pounds his fists at the same time. He turns in circles until he falls over. Sometimes I can hear him in the backseat trying to sing along to whatever we're listening to. He hums, he babbles, he kicks his feet with love.










Oh, and he also throws fits. Big 'ol nasty temper tantrums that result in me walking away and he soon discovering a toy within arms reach. For now. It's tricky. Especially at Safeway right before lunch time and nap time when he sees the Thomas Pez dispenser and nearly loses it. 

He also has taken to the grab-n-bite with littler friends. He's got a lot of love, this one, as well as a bit of aggression. I try not to hover, but I try not to stand by and let it happen either. It's tough keeping up with this kiddo. But he tries to be gentle and we're all a work in progress. He loves being with his buddies. And oh my goodness, does his mama love to be with her friends too.

At 5am this morning Jack awoke. It was too early. Especially with my tired boy who went to bed later than normal the night before. I tried putting him back to sleep, but had zero luck. John tried too. I slept for about 10 more minutes until they both burst into the room at 6:00am, ready to greet the day. Jack was ready for fun and that's often how he starts the day. It's as if he's saying, "hey mama. What do ya got for me today?" I rolled over and pretended not to hear him. He came to my side of the bed, wanting to be picked up. 

I felt like tweeting, "My son woke up at 5am. Trying not to run away. #gracebasedparenting. Speaking of Grace Based Parenting, we started our class last night and it was incredible. Have you checked out his book? 

So, we made eggs and toast (oatmeal for Jack) watched an episode of Thomas, got ready for the day and had 2 cups of coffee all before 8am! Welcome to parenthood. 

a reason to party

This weather is rocking my world. I'll just say that.

I couldn't resist this picture even though it's not really related to the awesome weather. But he kind of looks like a posing model. Kind of funny.

I've never been a huge outdoorsy-type person, but since having a one year old I love an excuse to go and explore the outdoors. Plus, this kiddo loves to be outside. Like his daddy. Not like me. But I'm learning and it's been fun. 

We went on a beautiful, long, great conversation-filled, breezy and eventful walk this morning. Three mama's and I exchanged labor stories (again. It never gets old.) shared funny/awkward stories and tried to walk single file with our strollers on busy roads. It was fantastic. We then dined outside while the boys played on the tractors and in the dirt. We enjoyed delicious hot dogs, potato chips and oranges. What could make a meal any better? Root beer. And yes, I had a little of that too.

and I didn't bring my camera. What?

I did, however, snap these pictures right before John got home. We celebrate when daddy gets home from work. That's always a reason to have a party.

..and Jack's cackle-laugh was killing me when I jumped up. It's the simple things.

don't have that kind of time

Last night on the way to Bible study I cranked up NPR. NPR, for young moms is an easy sleep-inducer for the children and an outlet to listen to on their way to the grocery, a playdate or just driving aimlessly around town because they are gonna go crazy if they don't get out of the house. You know what I'm sayen?

But last night I pulled out of the driveway flying solo. My Monday nights. I love being a mama and treasure each day, but there is something blissful about turning left onto that road and rolling down the windows and turning up some sound. Some days it's country, other days oldies, but last night it was NPR. It's a short drive, but enough time to grab a nugget of inspiration.

Anne Lamott was on for the ten minutes it takes me to get to Bible study. She shared how she celebrates Easter and what it means to her. She spoke about how Easter is a time for introspection.

She also shared a story about the last couple of weeks of her best friend's life. They were out shopping for a new dress and Anne asked her friend if the dress was too short or too tight to which her friend responded, "Anne, you don't have that kind of time." Which stuck with me. I chewed on that the rest of my drive and throughout the evening. We don't have that kind of time to be afraid of the unknown or the scary things. Or the times in life that we wish we were a kid again so we didn't have to make hard decisions and step out in faith. And ya know, I'm thankful for that. 'cause we don't have that kind of time and it's worth it to step out, even if we don't know where we will land. we trust. and we pray.

sprouts

This week has been packed full of changes.

Not really with me (though I do feel like monster-Mel is back to sleep, for a while, I hope. I hope forever.) Things in our little frontier land are changing. It snowed Saturday and today it is a breezy, sunny and warm 65 degree day. I am diggin' this spring. 

We're getting a fence this spring to ward off javalinas, deer and coyotes (it's mostly their land out here.) We live on a corner lot so settling in to some backyard BBQ fun is kind of impossible without a fence to declare back yard territory. The rest of our yard, however, is a work in progress and sometimes I find contentment to be lacking. I do love it, though, and am thankful for a home and that it's this one.

Another change.

Jack is fighting off his cold and has been in much better spirits today. My man is still fighting the bug/allergies and just hasn't been feeling great lately. Which is hard for him and difficult for me too. I need to work on my sick-graces because I'll be honest, I lack in that area.

Over the weekend we went to the mall to let Jack run around (he was getting stir crazy and it was snowing! in april!) it was good for us to get out too. i had forgotten how nice weather just welcomes you to put on your chacos, sunglasses and feel the breeze hit your cheeks and dance around your shoulders. Spring is here. And with it brings changes and I am so thankful for both.

My garden is sprouting! Granted, it's still indoors, but it's growing and I am really hoping for yummy goodness in the next couple of months. And when I move it outdoors? No guarantee that it won't fail and we will be without food in a few months. We're attempting to eat much healthier and although it's been trickier financially (like cutting back on our trips to safeway just to get me and jack out of the house) it's been really good. The food (no surprise here) tastes so much better. We've been eating ground turkey instead of beef for the last year or so, but recently switched to organic beef and it was like...a little tortilla packed full of heaven. There truly is a difference.

I was at Bible study until 11:30 on Monday night. I am so thankful for times for chatting, laughing, eating and sharing our hearts. And that my man doesn't mind if I'm gone until 11:30. I came home and we dreamed and rambled until 1:00am. That's really late for us. I loved it.

sunday snapshot

Today Jack and I are staying in. His cough is still pretty horrible sounding and he's currently taking a morning nap (hasn't happened for months.) He's a sick little booger and I'm secretly loving the extra hugs and cuddles. I don't like missing John's preaching, but I don't want to infect any of the other kiddos in the nursery. This are some tough calls, I'll be honest. We both decided (around 6:30am when Jack awoke) that it might be better if Jack just stayed home today. I trust Jesus will use John without me there :) but I do like to be able to process things with him when he gets home.

Earlier this week the weather was so lovely and we got Jack a wagon for our travels around the neighborhood. I miss my little ball of adventure and energy when he's not feeling well. 

 The sun is currently melting all the snow away and spring has so quickly returned. My little garden is holding out and the seeds are starting to grow.

Does anyone know of any one out there know of good video editing programs? The best ones (I know) are for macs, but I have a pc and need something user friendly, but with great fonts and effects. Do they exist?

finer things

Well, the rain arrived. For a day. And this morning it turned into THIS:

And tomorrow it's supposed to be sunny and 50 degrees.
Really delightful, lovely and all the above. It melted quickly (in fact, the roads were never covered) but gave me enough of an excuse to drive the Land cruiser, send John out on an early morning donut run and keep Jack in his pajamas all day. These days are numbered, my friends, and I want to enjoy them. Jack got restless around 4:30, however, and we made a Goodwill 50% off day run. No good finds.

..Last night John and I hung out with good friends. We enjoyed a relaxed ambiance with soft lighting and Adele playing on the stereo. We shared wine and dreams that made our hearts tick. Things that inspire, encourage and spur us on.

Let me say this. I consider myself a dreamer over all, but I'm not a goal oriented visionary type person. I think there's a difference. I married a goal-man and love that side of him immensely, but if my only goal for the week is to do a load of laundry, have a few play/mommy-dates, good fellowship, time with Jesus, a deep chat with my man, a good selection of tv shows/movies and a story time or two with my kiddo, my week is a good one. (Reading that over, I guess I do kind of have "goals" for the week. Kind of.) Some people need vision and goals and plans for the week. For the day. I'm inspired by that, but don't fully understand it.

It was wonderful to be a bird perched on the ledge of a visionary's mind as they shared their dreams and goals for the years ahead. It was like sitting in on a conversation for a planning committee.(like a Finer Things meeting with Pam, Oscar and Toby.)

I kind of realized through the evenings festivities that I've let some of my dreams fall by the wayside. Which is good and bad. Some can be mended, revisited and revised while others are better off staying gone. I'm not sure what they are yet or when they will resurface, but I do know I'm open to it when they do.

Jesus has those dreams. and I know He's got plans for them, but in all my life experience, His dreams for our life are always better, fuller and rockier than anything I could have ever imagined on my own.

//

On another note, my new vitamin regiment has been going well. I don't really feel different, but then again, I didn't really feel bad to begin with. I'm beginning to see more and more the crucial importance of what we put into our bodies and the affects it has on us. I know this isn't our home and our bodies aren't here forever (thank you, Lord!) But while we are here and living this life, I do think we should take care of it to the best of our abilities.

I'm optimistic about this Stress and Adrenal Support. The nasty taste has left and I've got a rhythm down on how to eat them. They aren't too bad. In fact, I already see a difference and that's all kind of weird/amazing. The rest of the vitamins are good, kind of a lot to guzzle down in the morning, but great.
 

rain or shine

There's still no rain on our little frontier.

When will the rain come? I'm not sayin' I mind. I love watching the clouds swim over head, full of thick heavy pillows. I love the breeze, and the varying sun light.

More than that, I love cuddling with Jackboy. He's real sick today. Like, sicker than I've ever seen him. He just laid in my arms for the whole morning, his eyes closed (except when Thomas was on) and just inhaled. and exhaled. and snuggled with me and his binky. It was so precious. It's moments like those that my inner mother bird perches itself boldly on watch and rocks her baby in the early morn while he fights off a fever. A mama bird that can't fall back asleep because she's trying to figure out what's wrong and how she can help. It's rocking with the blinds pulled, gently moving back and forth, back and forth, watching his eyelids open to make sure I'm still there and then close to doze off again. But don't set him down until he's fully asleep because he's not ready to be alone just yet.

Sweet moments. 

I took Jack to the doctor because 1. It's almost the weekend and 2. All morning is fever was 102.5 and I was a little nerv. Better safe than sorry. My doctor is the best in all the land. She is so good with Jack and makes me feel like a champ rather than a worry wart for bringing in a baby with a fever. Because, hello, what can she do? He did, however, have a bad ear infection. She asked if I wanted a prescription so I gently stumbled on the question, "Can we try anything else?"

To my surprise, she recommended many other things. She recommended I try a garlic ear drop from the health food store (which I got), a chiropractor (I'm going to take him to see the bowen work lady instead) and if those don't work than fulfill the prescription. 

It's so great to have a doctor who doesn't want to stuff your kid with stuff you don't want (or aren't sure if you want or not.) and rather explores with you other options that will be healthier for him in the long run.

Thank you, Lord, for that. 

and, oh yeah, the stress and adrenal support is for real working. still tasting nasty? yes. but starting to feel the effects after chewing seven of them over the last 24 hours? Yes.

the song of the day is this:

makes you want to puke

I went to see a nutritionist today.

It was one of the most depressing visits of my life. Really good, but kind of depressing.

Come to find out, I am slowly dying. Who isn't, I ask? Who isn't??

YES the tablets are THAT BIG! They're huge!

Honestly, it was all really interesting and very helpful. I found out my liver isn't functioning like it should be and as a result it's keeping my gull bladder from functioning properly. From the shot I had in February, she thinks my pituitary gland isn't functioning well. I need lots and lots of iodine. My thyroid isn't doing what it should be doing. I need these things called Stress and Adrenal Support (which I am actually VERY optimistic about.) they taste di-sg-USTING. BUT, I've heard incredible things about them and I think they will keep me chilled out and help say goodbye to all the drama moods around here. I think my husband will be happy. Via amazon it says, "In general, if you feel happy and well, have steady energy, steady disposition, sleep soundly seven to nine hours a night, wake up feeling rested, recover well from stress, and maintain a healthy weight without dieting, then your adrenals are probably working well." so, i guess I need these. and I need more magnesium and should avoid sugars, soy, dairy, carbonic acid, pork and wheat. What else is there? Dark leafy greens, says she. Yummmm.

VERY interesting factoid the nutritionist shared with me was this: It doesn't matter if we're running from a bear or just stressed from everyday life, our body reacts the same way to stress.

I am thankful for the visit, the vitamins, the reminder that we're all that much closer to meeting Jesus and that vitamins can really help aid the adventure of the scary things in life.

These last couple of weeks have been rough for me. I'm not sure why. They just have. A cold front is coming in this weekend and I'm excited that it might snow.

This week I (attempted) to plant a garden. With the help of dear friends. We'll see how it turns out. Currently, my veggies are cooking inside until mothers day. Hoping for lots of tomatoes, bell peppers, zucchini, spinach, kale and so much more...(there's some leafy greens for ya.)

Poor Jack boy has another cold and another fever. Poor little goose. He also bit a kiddo this week. Not so cool. Those frantic-what-is-going-on mom moments just keep creeping up on me.

saving the day

Let me just start by saying that I love these spring days.

Even more than the warm weather, I love spending them with friends. What could have potentially been a rough day with a one-year-old (who woke up at the butt crack of dawn) and who didn't want to eat much of anything for breakfast, turned into a lovely day sitting in the sun while our boys played in the sand and dirt. I sent my friend an urgent text before John even left for work saying, "Jack is having a mini-meltdown. Must evacuate." and we did. To Goodwill for dollar day and then to Christine's house to let the boys explore the new swing set. Side note: none of the boys even knew the slide and swings existed. They were too into the sand and trucks. I imagine they will change one day, but for today, it was nice.

I've been so tired lately, I can't even explain it. Could be the sugar crash from the weekend, or the fact that I've really been keeping overly busy (not my top fav in life) and not allowing for much chill time. I've also been cranky (or creeky cranky as Thomas the Train calls it) and I feel kiiindd of emotional by 9:00pm each night. 

so thankful for..

1. I need to say here (not to get all sappy) that I am so so thankful for my husband. He is incredible. He is so available and ready to help. He is supportive and carefree and listens when I need to vent. He doesn't let me wallow in my exhaustion, but rather reminds me to go to sleep and that busyness comes in seasons and we need to embrace it while its there because it will slow down and there will be plenty of time to relax and share long, beloved conversations. He is the man.

 

2. I am thankful for friendships. I have had many wonderful and dear friends over the years and treasure each friendship so tenderly. I am thankful for friends that get you, that understand you and can walk through things with you. I'm so thankful for friends who know you better than most and know secrets that some might not know. I'm thankful for friends to share life with, to cry with and of course, to laugh with.

3. I'm thankful for new Office episodes. I cried. I loved it. I can't wait to see tonight's episode (tomorrow on Hulu)

4. So thankful for birthdays celebrated and baby girl clothes admired. It was a wonderful weekend.

5. Thankful for my mom who will help me clean our condo at last minute's notice. She is incredible and taught me how to clean like nobodies business.

6. Thankful to live close enough to a big city to enjoy their consignment stores, yogurt land's and trader joes. But far enough away that we can enjoy fresh air, little traffic and lots of hunting.

7. Thankful for spring weather and the return of flip flops. 

8. Replacing an old diet with a fresh one and trying something new. Thankful for the funds to be able to do that.

9. seeing Jack play with his train set. He's getting it, he's pretending and moving the train around as if it's really on a track on the island of Sodor (too much Thomas?) His mind is full of fresh creativity and newness. I can't wait to hear him talk.

10. So very thankful for a good nights rest and a healthy nap for my boy. Now, to make dinner.

P.S.

the bread that I wrote about last week was AMAZING! Do try it. Still incredible.