big 3-3

birthdays continue on, even in new places.  even apart.

there's a very special little one whose birthday is on the 7th of july. we celebrated it from thousands of miles away, but we prayed for her, thought about her and wished we were close to her. she turned one and i can hardly believe we've been in this adoption journey for a year already! our love for her has grown so greatly in our hearts and we can't wait when we can celebrate with her. we think of her every day and pray (and beg) that next year we will have her in our arms to celebrate. Here's a vague, but real picture of her celebrating her 1st birthday far, far away, over ocean and land at 10pm at night. hopefully, one day soon, we won't have to be so vague and we can shout it from the rooftops (and Facebook posts ;) 

next year, little one.

and on the 11th we celebrated this guy and the 33 years he's been on earth.

here's jack quoting spanky when he says "i'm not hearing this. i'm not hearing this,"

i wish i could express how much he really means to me and how as each year passes i grow to love him more and more. we've found a rhythm together and he's encouraged me to be the best version of myself. he stretches me, believes in me and challenges me to try new things and take good risks. he's loyal, respectful and a man of integrity. i love living life with him. it's never boring and definitely never lacking tasks (which sometimes goes against my chill-and-relax personality) but we've learned to meet in the middle and that a balanced life needs both. i will say, those laugh lines that curve around the sides of his eyes are from a lot of laughing and smiling. he lives life full and well. 

lame

I feel terrible for slacking so much on this blog.



It's seriously been over a month. Future children to whom I write this blog for. I am sorry. Zoey, I am sorry that I have been a slacker. But, to be fair, it has been a whirlwind of a last month.

Christmas came! It was wonderful! My brother and his wife came and their sweet baby girl, Juniper. I loved every minute of it. It's hard growing up, through. Especially when you grow in different directions and no matter how badly you want to get back to that place, you just can't. I miss childhood and probably always will, but I'm learning to accept that people and things change.

Somewhere in all the busyness of life my Zoeybird crawls like a wild woman and her and Jack have found their rhythm and friendship and she doesn't mind his smothering hugs as long as she can grab his binky when he first wakes up. Typically after nap I set Zoey in Jack's bed and he loves a good cuddle. She only lasts a little bit, but the first thing she reaches for is his pacifer. (Which we're trying to let go of. But change is hard.) Jack is talking up a storm, pretending and tonight he informed me that "I love my buddies, mom." He's a true people person and is learning the art of empathy and taking turns. It's no easy task. For any of us, I imagine.



If Jack is up before Zoey he loves to rock her in her chair and we sing "Rock-a-by-Zoey" She loves it.

Zoey is standing, but not walking. She's always smiling, always curious, always wanting a little hug or a tickle. She's still not sleeping really well, but i am trying to begin the process of weaning her. I love nursing, but i think she's ready for milk and real food. She loves to eat and unlike her dear brother, will try anything I put in front of her. Her current favorites are turkey, avacado, string cheese, any sort of bread or noodle. She doesn't love sharp chedder cheese, but that's okay. I'm still nervous that she's going

John's book came out. It was/is exciting and brings me so much joy to see him excited about it too. It has meant busy weekends and long days and he's technically working two jobs somedays. I'm a woman of routine so this is kind of throwing me off, but truly by God's grace, I'm surprised at how much peace He's given me and true love for John and really wanting him to live in these moments because it will pass and life will return to it's consistency (the way I like it) and he'll have another idea pounding in his head and then we'll be off again...

Zoey's birthday was wonderful. It was small, just my parent's, brother and his fam, and a couple little friends from church who she sees in the nursery. It was pretty cute.

Jack and his pal Ellie. They've been friends since they were itty-bitty.

 And Ellie's sister Carly and Zoey. Also close in age and also too cute together.

 Zoey's other little friend Brooke. So cute.

My mom giving Zoey her present.

This girl loveees her food.

A little party spread.

 My sweet Zoeybird,

When I think of you my heart swells with love. You have changed me, little one, since I met you one year ago. Your very nature is sweet and so innocent. Your cry is soft and only used when you really want to be heard. You're favorite phrase to say is "Yeah!" In a high pitched tone. I've found myself saying that to you a lot whenever you smile or giggle. I love that you say that. That you say it when you look at babydoll or see a baby or see a picture of a baby. You love people's faces and when we have friends over you are so much happier than when it's just boring old me. I love that about you. I love your sass when I take something away or your refusal to eat baby food. I love your little lip tremble when someone tells you no and how hurt your feelings get. I love your go-with-the flow nature and that besides getting up at night, you are incredibly flexible. I love your tiny features and hair that falls into your face. I love when you sit on your little bum and hold your arms up to me to let me know you're ready to be picked up. Birdie, you are a dream come true. You are great for your brother, and I can already see will be a great ali for him. Please don't grow up too fast. I keep praying that we will be friends when you're older and I know it might not happen naturally, but I want you to know that I will try and try to be a good mama and friend to you. For I truly believe they go hand in hand. I am so glad we had you, I'm so thankful Jesus used you to heal our wounded hearts and to teach us true dependency on Him. I'm so glad we named you Zoey and every time I say your name I'm so happy we chose it. I love your little shoulder cuddle, the way you hum along when we sing to you and the way you talk to yourself at 4am for an hour.

I LOVE you, Zoey. Just the way you are.

Love,
Mama

The Big 3-0

Well, the day is upon us.

John turns 30 today. What a milestone, what an aging reality, what a beautiful thing.

He seems to be dreading it, but I love the idea of it (I can say that because I'm not there yet, thus, the reality of leaving 20 hasn't quite hit me yet ;) But mostly, I love the way 30 fits him. It fits him good.

Last night we were tempted by yet another monsoon (that didn't come) but we sat on our bed and took in the cool breeze and felt the rain drops through the window. It was a great way to end the last day of being in his 20's. We watched Return of the King (though I crashed around 10pm=halfway through.)

It's the end of a season, leaving your 20's. It's embarking on something new. Something incredible. It's so bittersweet. Life gets better with age and experience, but I love and cherish the younger years. Nothing is like them. I'm nostalgic by nature, but sometimes I cuddle/squeeze the kiddos and tell Jesus how very much I love this season. I know it won't last forever, but I really, really love it for now.

Which I like to remind myself in moments like this morning when Zoey wasn't napping (because she fell asleep in the car) termite inspectors were here filling me in on bugs and Jack was having a hard time with all the commotion and kept running to his room crying. By the time they left I thought I might lose it. By God's grace I got Jack a whole lot of strawberries to munch on, nursed the baby for a while and then returned to Jack to read lots of books. It evened out. ;)

Yeah, John wears 30 really well.

So thankful you were born, John.
I love the way you love Jesus and the way you give up everything to serve Him.
I love the way you listen and react.
I love the way you play with our kids and love on them day after day.

I love you for being you, warts and all.

Little John with his Mama...the picture that reminds me most of Jackboy.

John in Kindergarten

A baseball shot with his brothers...

John and his dad. Yeah, they look a lot alike!

 So glad your parents went for number four!

embracing twenty six

my man is a gem. he knows me well.

Yesterday I turned twenty six years old. I still feel like I'm twelve half of the time, but twenty six feels...more realistic. After having a baby I kind of felt like I would somehow have to be morphed into an older woman/mother figure. 

I felt that morph for the first few weeks of Jack's life (what with all this slightly unknown responsibility and everything) but tried to regain a bit of that youthful feeling before it slipped away forever. It returned (after the post pardon blues) and brought with it good friends, great food and a time to get into the Word. 



That being said, I feel ready to embrace 26. Anything over 25 has always been a bit daunting. I'd be lying if I didn't say that when I was a kid I was convinced I would have four kids by the time I was 22. (Hey, 22 is kind of old when you're 11.) But truly, 26 is good. It feels right and I'm not so afraid of getting old as long as I have others around me to keep me feeling young. Being married to a pastor I sometimes feel kind of young. I love it. I embrace it. But, being over 25 is kind of a big deal for me. I'm almost 30, ya'll. Seriously.

This is winter here. February brings my birthday. The weather is in the low 60's and cold seems a thing of the past. Please send snow.

This week I'm so, so very thankful to Jesus for things that keep me feelin' young. 


1. An unplanned dance party after Bible Study. 10:30 with babies at home and too much chocolate, oh so fun.
2. A new CD from my man full of light hearted songs that make me swoon like when I was 16.
3. Going out to dinner and being so giddy that our waitress gave us a free appetizer. It was like we were dating again. We had so much to talk about (we need to get out more, I think.)
4. Enjoying a donut on the morning of my birthday. Not even thinking about how bad it kind of is for me.
5. Dancing with Jack any time of the day and turning up the music real loud.
6. Going into my sister's room after John and Jack were asleep to talk and ask her if she had any clothes she was looking to get rid of.
7. Going on a retreat alone and feeling very familiar feelings of being independent. It's been a while.
8. Sharing stories with a new friend of times in the past.
9. Early mornings with Jesus like we used to. It's been tricky to get back into a routine with Jack, but what a difference it makes.
10. Sharing Life cereal with Jack for the first time in his life. He love sit. He should, I ate it almost every, single day (and night) when I was pregnant with him.