grace

little Miss isn't quite so little anymore.

Birdie stopped nursing last Sunday night (April 28) and hasn't looked back. It was natural and time and she didn't even seem to want it anymore. I nursed her once in the wee hours of that Monday morning, but she was over it and was ready for lots of ice cream and chicken nuggets. It was that moment when I realized she was ready and thank you Lord it was then because John was out of town for a week and that's always extra hard when you're not getting a full night's rest and keeping up with two little ones.

It's like she grew over night. Her little self is so fun and easy going and those last few baby-looks are nearly gone. She's taken a couple of steps, though not fully walking and eats like there is no tomorrow.

I still can't believe the serious differences between her and her brother. There are some similarities. They both like to make each other laugh, love to be tickled, like to cuddle with a blanket and pacifier, love splashing in the bath and greeting daddy when he walks in the door.

But at the same time, they are so very different. Which I am thankful for. I love a good character and depth and dynamics of the character. So thankful they both seem to have big personalities full of quirks and enthusiasm. The best kind.

Zoey loves to eat and will try almost anything we offer her (if she's hungry enough.) She recently informed me that she loves scrambled eggs (something Jackboy won't even touch) and last night ate a whole helping and a half of chicken parmesan. She's a girl after my own heart. I try to give her healthy foods too, but Trader Joes makes these little ice cream cones. Cutest thing ever. Just her size. She digs it.

She will eat the entire thing. No joke. Girl doesn't hold back. She can handle the extra calories, I think.

She loves oatmeal, string cheese, ham, grilled cheese and cheese quesadillas. She wakes up hungry and loves a hearty breakfast. She also loves drinking out of her brother's sippy cup. Every time.

Jackboy, our sweet selective eater, will only eat an ice cream cone in desperate measures. Like when he's hot and needs a cooling down. Even then it's not his go-to dessert. He's just like his daddy.

I've been avoiding dairy since last year and so ice cream is a rare treat. I miss it, I do and last week I had my first Snickers blizzard that I've had in a while and man, it was so good.

Dairy, I miss you. I wish we could still be friends. But my tummy is so much happy without you around.

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It was hot last week. Warm and sunny, so not too hot. This week a cold, cloudy front has come in and I'm thankful for the last taste of 65 degree weather. I do love it so.

Zoey has fallen in love with outside and will crawl on pine needles and dirt and rocks if she can get where she wants to go. I love seeing her daring self. She also loves to color and will sit with crayons and draw on pages. Another Jack just never seemed interested in, still isn't.

I am so, so thankful I get to be these two kiddo's mama. How underserving I feel to nurture their little spirits and guide them through this broken world. My heart longs to never, ever raise my voice again or tell them one more time "just a minute." But I will fail again, I will hurt their feelings or hear Jack say, "let's not be mean guys, mama. Let's be nice guys." again. I know I'll mess up and lose my patience again. I'm human. And yet oh, how perfect and beautiful His grace is that covers over those mistakes. That makes all things new. That tomorrow (or even a minute later) we can start again, start fresh, ask for forgiveness and try again. I'm far from perfect and never will be, but I can always, always apologize and try again.

Just like in beautiful written song Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford and Sons,

"It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
but you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It's not the long walk home
that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart."

Jack is always so quick to forgive. I'll go to him, usually when he's sitting on his bed and tell him I'm sorry for yelling or whatever had just happened. Sometimes I really need to say it, to hear myself it, even if I don't mean it yet. Other times, as much as I want to apologize I know it was part of setting healthy boundaries with him that will later lead to his boundaries and helping shape him as a little person. I still affirm the love and on occasion he's told me, "Mama, you need to say sorry." To which I try to explain that I'm not sorry and I love him too much to let him behave like that.

But on the days when I know I'm tired or frustrated or annoyed (often times at something that has nothing to do with him) I sit next to him, hug him and tell him I'm sorry and ask if we can start over and try again.



"It's okay, Mama. We all make mistakes." He responds and he's back to his usual self. Oh, such grace. I know it might not always be there. The realities of life and the depths of hurtful things said and did sometimes make it so hard to forgive and show grace. Often times I don't want to show it when people hurt me. Even if time has passed and it's over with, there's still that place inside me that's tender and sensitive and vulnerable it hurts to think about. Places that if I go to them on my own, I can't forgive or heal it or let it go. I am so thankful He can. I am so thankful His grace can cover it when I know I'll never be able to.



I pray my kiddos learn that kind of grace. His grace and how to show it to others. What freedom to show grace when others do you wrong or let you down. I pray I can learn it too.