on how to savor sleep

today is overcast.

my favorite. my sweet spot. i could bathe in overcast days. 

i know, that kind of means i am in the wrong state. and i'm sure if i lived anywhere else my sweet days would include lots of sunshine and a cool breeze. 

but for this season, with windows on each wall in our main room, i love cloudy days. jack and i often watch the trees dance with the wind and the clouds rolling by or rolling in. mostly rolling by, we don't get much rain.

it's so easy for people to compare our kiddos to john. he's a pastor. they see his lovely, handsome face most sundays annnnnd the kiddos do look quite a bit like him. those cute noses.

but zoey has so many john-qualities in her physique. her long fingers, double jointed thumbs, perhaps getting ready for drawing and painting. she has long toes like her daddy's too and this long and lean body that might be great for dancing or running.

who knows. but, she is her daddy's daughter and when they sit together you can really see those similarities.

my sweet girl, the last few nights have been rough. she's completely done nursing during the day, but at night it's like she comes alive. this has been going on since she was six months old and she just doesn't crave sleep. she's good to go in the morning. she's finally settling into a long afternoon nap, but the night-life partying is exhausting. for about a week she was doing really good and only waking once or not at all. as i try to cut out the night feedings all together it's like she can sense it and wants just one more cuddle, one more ounce (or drop?) of milk and just to be next to me. it's so precious and when i go in to get her in the middle of the night most frustration leaves me as soon as she cuddles up and sighs.

i try to hold her close and wean her from nursing to sleep and instead offer rocking or singing or walking around the room. most nights she doesn't really want or need much, but just prefers to talk to herself for an hour so. crying out every so often. when i go in to pick her up she starts humming softly as i rock her. haha. what can you do?

so we'll see. i keep thinking "tonight will be the night. she'll sleep solid." because it has to happen eventually, right? i mean, every kid sleeps eventually.

around 4am i finally sent john in there because i had just fallen back asleep. he went in there for a long time (i slept great, thanks for asking.) and when he returned she was fussing again.

"i have no idea what she needs." he shook his head.

i went in, we cuddled, we nursed and she was out til 8am.

she does this thing where when i lay her in her bed she'll fold her body in half and curl up with her blanket (sometimes several) binky and her bear in the corner of her crib. i'm not sure why the body fold, but it is cute. i'll take it.

oh, sweet child of mine, please sleep soundly from 8pm-8am. i love you. i love being with you. but i promise it's a good thing to sleep. you'll miss it when you're in high school and have to go to school. believe me.

zoey has fallen in love with outside. i can't wait until she's walking and our desert habitat won't be dangerous with all it's rocks and dirt. as soon as she's more comfortable i'm gonna let her go for it, crawling and all.

she particularly loves the swing.
jack does too.
i love watching them swing together.
jack asks me to push him high and yesterday when i did, he leaned back and nearly fell off the swing. i was startled and once we slowed him down his face was covered in a huge grin. i asked if he was okay. "yeah, mom. i'm okay!" i felt his chest and his heart didn't feel like it was beating too hard. kids.

summer is approaching, but it's not here yet. i am looking forward to afternoon monsoons and long evenings on the back porch. so very thankful for this adventure.