nothing to get hung about

so, we adventured out again. 

this time with new friends and kids a plenty.

for a minute there, i felt like i was time traveling (re: amy poehler's book) 

we ate apple crumble pie and drank tea and had to wear a sweater because it was a chilly morning.

it was wonderful. i drifted back to childhood days in ohio at apple farms, drinking cider and sampling maple syrup. this wasn't quite that, but it was drinking real apple juice (and later apple slushies with a scoop of ice cream) and driving on a dirt road past apple trees and going into a shop with homemade jams and apple butters. it was california-close. and the kids loved it.

and it was around this moment that i looked around and thought to myself, 

we're going to be okay.

it was a bit rocky there for a couple of weeks and sleep was restless and my inner person was wrestling with the true discomfort of change and missing everything we love and knew. 

but seeing these open strawberry fields, watching jack run down the trenches, Zoey slowly picking up the tiniest berries and eating as many as she picked, i had a deep sense of affirmation that we are right where we are supposed to be. 

its on hard days that i find Jesus often wants to affirm that He knows our hearts, our deep needs and what we need to renew and give us courage in our steps. for me, it was the strawberry fields on a cool, cloudy and windy day. 

and i think it may have given jack the boost he needed too. he loved exploring and picking the berries and playing with new friends. 

we know we're here for a purpose, in this city and during this time. we aren't sure what it is but we trust that Jesus does and that He'll carry us and direct us to where He wants us to be. 

i can see His hand in the friends that we've met so far, the parents of the kids we've met on the playground, the home that we're living in and the neighborhood too. He's up to something. I'm not quite sure what it is just yet or what more He'll ask of us to do (isn't that the fun part?) but I'm all in. We're all in.

time

 THIS SONG came on pandora as we got ready one morning in our new city, but not quite yet in our new home. we had just moved, said goodbye to everything familiar and comfortable and left our little home. we were a little disoriented, moody and all the unfamiliar surroundings were throwing all of us in a funky mood. we tried to refresh our spirits with one thing familiar and for us that's after-dinner play with the josh ritter station. when this song came on it was a reminder that familiar would return and we would one day get settled into this (BIG) new city and one day i would remember to bring my paper bags to get groceries (they charge .10 per bag here! i am so mad every time i got to the check out and have forgotten.) one day i won't get lost or forget that to give myself more time getting to places. one day we'll have a usual place route that we take to church and home and our favorite little thrift stores around town. one day. but it's hard to remember that when you're in today and today i can't tell you which way is back to home and which way is to san francisco (so very thankful for my phone!) so, for today, we try to remember what is familiar and what won't change. That Jesus is still faithful and He will provide friends for my little extroverts and He's given us these beautiful trees and a quick 45 minute drive to the ocean. it's been good to grow as a little family, to learn when we need breaks or to discover that we our kids are in fact little friends.

probably the greatest surprise to me since being here is how my heart aches to bring our little one home from haiti to experience this transition with us. (not that it didn't when we lived in arizona, it was just different. i can't explain it.)  here there is so, so much culture here and people from all over the world. there's this pool of insight and helpful tips and other adopting parents and support groups. my mind is blown every time we explore the city.fleet

other moments that have been beautiful are the kiddos being reunited with their daddy and their chats as they drift off to sleep. jack and zoey share an air mattress and john snuggles in between them and sings them to sleep. i often have to wake him after about 45 minutes. it's precious.

i am so thankful we're all together, experiencing this transition together. moments have been hard and challenging and we often feel very flooded and our heads are left spinning, but they are good. and each day we feel a little bit more settled and are meeting so many incredible people. one day we'll learn which short cut to take, which grocery store has the best produce (though i'd have to say ALL so far) and which park has the most shade. for now, we just give it time.

our house

Our little home has been de-cluttered and deep cleaned and just this last week went under contract to be bought. Our first home as a family and where so many dreams came true, sickness fought, loss grieved, diapers dirtied, newborn tears were shed (and postpartum ones), friends laughter and change embraced because, I mean, what else can you do? I have fond memories of dance parties on this carpet and late night chats and little hands learning to walk holding onto that windowsill. Oh, time. You're rushin' me!

and change, my goodness, we've had our battles. i fight it like a kid fighting sleep, but then when it comes it isn't as scary or hard as i had thought. then sometimes it is and i wonder why i didn't fight it harder. ha. but most of the time, it is good. 

(I should probably document here (and tell my future-Jack---you handled this decision like a CHAMP and we cried and talked about how we would remember him, but ultimately we let go and got a set of caterpillar dump truck off amazon, to help ease the pain. It helped, but we will always miss him.)  We had to re-home our sweet, sweet Materboy. He is the best dog in the entire world and it was a decision that was so very difficult for us to make. Once we learned we were moving to California (and renting) I just knew that Materboy belonged in this mountain town. He needs a big backyard and a place to run around. We have dear friends who have a 12 year old male lab who Mater loves. They would graciously watch him for us if we ever had to go out of town. The pup is spoiled well there and lives like a little prince! He will have a great life. He is missed and fondly remembered and watching Cars and seeing Mater the tow truck will always be bittersweet for us, but we know he'll have a good, happy life. Complete with his rawhide every night and his kong of peanut butter every morning. Though we will miss our Materboy.

We watched countless monsoons and winter storms out those windows and that lovely, constant Arizona sun poured in every afternoon and morning. It kept our moods from dragging and our skin warm on cold winter days. The backyard, a beautiful escape and child's dream, should not be messed with from about February - May as though juniper trees really get to us, but other than those months it is always full of cozy coops and truck races. We shall miss you, backyard, though I have a feeling our next backyard will be full of new adventures and new hiding places. Can't wait to discover it. Jackboy is a sucker for nostalgia, just like his mama. I keep trying to remind him of the new memories we'll create there. I'm telling myself that too ;) 

It's always interesting to see how people process change, whether sudden or with notice. Some become nostalgic and remember, sometimes through smiles and sometimes through tears, the past and suddenly become very reflective people. Others fight against it, like trying to swim upstream, and hang even more tightly to the few things in life that are consistent, because there aren't many after all. The only constant thing in life is change. Well, that and Jesus! Amiright?