the end of an era.

this last week was our last night with the homegroup we've been lovin' and growing in for the last year.

it was just time. time for a break from leading and time for a season of just going to a group. time for more groups to form as there's so many people at church who want to be in a community group. it's good and healthy, but it was still a 'lil bittersweet to say goodbye. (just to seeing them on tuesday nights.) these friendships have become really incredible.

so we had a pizza night to fare-thee-well. we made a ton of pizzas and ate and played with babies and talked about theology (okay, i wasn't part of that discussion, but i heard it going on.) jack particularly liked homegroup, as you can see. it was (one of) the highlights of his week.

(we're even missing two couples.)

i really dig community. like, if i could i would live in a kibbutz. my man, not so much. he loves his space and alone time and an area to stretch out in his comfies.

i think what i love so much about community is this idea of living life together. of sharing in the joys and trials of life and coming alongside each other and asking how to help or how to celebrate or how to just be with them.

the group grew so much over the year. babies were born, longed for, adopted and lost. the heart of the group was molded together as we prayed for each other, with each other and wrapped an arm around the other while they cried. this was the first time in our married lives that we really got attached to a group together. we were doing it, living in community and raising our kiddos together.

if it were up to me, there would be this space in time where every single friend i've made over the years would be and the groups and connections that were formed would be there too. you could go and visit at any time (any one, not just me.) and reconnect, re-live, rejoin those lives and just for a moment share life with them once again.

obviously, and unfortunately, life is not like that. besides a reunion night or a trip to fly to see them, most connections are in the past. and that's okay. it's life and we're all growing and changing. it's healthy. but that doesn't stop me from missing it.

but life is hard and busy and being in full time ministry every day and leading staff meetings and elders meetings makes it hard to lead another thing. i think we were optimistic that we could balance it all and host and lead a group in our home. the good news is i discovered what it looks like to host something and it isn't half as scary as i had thought. it was a lot of work, yes, but we found a rhythm and we had a snack schedule.

we're joining a different community group with other folks but won't be hosting or leading. i think it will good and a different role for this season. every time something changes it kills me a lil bit. i like my routine, man. i could literally do the same thing or eat the same lunch for months on end. but every single time we have faced a huge change (which, being married to john happens quite often) God has always used it for the good. it has always grown us, deepened our dependency on Him and stretched us in a new and different way. routine is good and it can be beneficial in many ways, but change is just as good and i'm learning to kind of embrace it. still takes me a little bit, but i'm getting there.

wow. i'm really going to miss this group more than i had thought.