on how to savor sleep

today is overcast.

my favorite. my sweet spot. i could bathe in overcast days. 

i know, that kind of means i am in the wrong state. and i'm sure if i lived anywhere else my sweet days would include lots of sunshine and a cool breeze. 

but for this season, with windows on each wall in our main room, i love cloudy days. jack and i often watch the trees dance with the wind and the clouds rolling by or rolling in. mostly rolling by, we don't get much rain.

it's so easy for people to compare our kiddos to john. he's a pastor. they see his lovely, handsome face most sundays annnnnd the kiddos do look quite a bit like him. those cute noses.

but zoey has so many john-qualities in her physique. her long fingers, double jointed thumbs, perhaps getting ready for drawing and painting. she has long toes like her daddy's too and this long and lean body that might be great for dancing or running.

who knows. but, she is her daddy's daughter and when they sit together you can really see those similarities.

my sweet girl, the last few nights have been rough. she's completely done nursing during the day, but at night it's like she comes alive. this has been going on since she was six months old and she just doesn't crave sleep. she's good to go in the morning. she's finally settling into a long afternoon nap, but the night-life partying is exhausting. for about a week she was doing really good and only waking once or not at all. as i try to cut out the night feedings all together it's like she can sense it and wants just one more cuddle, one more ounce (or drop?) of milk and just to be next to me. it's so precious and when i go in to get her in the middle of the night most frustration leaves me as soon as she cuddles up and sighs.

i try to hold her close and wean her from nursing to sleep and instead offer rocking or singing or walking around the room. most nights she doesn't really want or need much, but just prefers to talk to herself for an hour so. crying out every so often. when i go in to pick her up she starts humming softly as i rock her. haha. what can you do?

so we'll see. i keep thinking "tonight will be the night. she'll sleep solid." because it has to happen eventually, right? i mean, every kid sleeps eventually.

around 4am i finally sent john in there because i had just fallen back asleep. he went in there for a long time (i slept great, thanks for asking.) and when he returned she was fussing again.

"i have no idea what she needs." he shook his head.

i went in, we cuddled, we nursed and she was out til 8am.

she does this thing where when i lay her in her bed she'll fold her body in half and curl up with her blanket (sometimes several) binky and her bear in the corner of her crib. i'm not sure why the body fold, but it is cute. i'll take it.

oh, sweet child of mine, please sleep soundly from 8pm-8am. i love you. i love being with you. but i promise it's a good thing to sleep. you'll miss it when you're in high school and have to go to school. believe me.

zoey has fallen in love with outside. i can't wait until she's walking and our desert habitat won't be dangerous with all it's rocks and dirt. as soon as she's more comfortable i'm gonna let her go for it, crawling and all.

she particularly loves the swing.
jack does too.
i love watching them swing together.
jack asks me to push him high and yesterday when i did, he leaned back and nearly fell off the swing. i was startled and once we slowed him down his face was covered in a huge grin. i asked if he was okay. "yeah, mom. i'm okay!" i felt his chest and his heart didn't feel like it was beating too hard. kids.

summer is approaching, but it's not here yet. i am looking forward to afternoon monsoons and long evenings on the back porch. so very thankful for this adventure.

the walk

This song.
So good.

//

The beautiful, spring weather is officially upon us. The allergies have mostly gone (or at least that's what I'm telling myself) and despite a couple sneezes in the morning and irresistibly itchy eyes (it just feels so good to itch them) the feel-like-I've-been-run-over-by-a-truck days seem to have passed. For now.

Though today after a fun outdoor playdate Jack came home and wanted to just "lay in his bed a while" and he did. Sniffling the whole time. Poor bug.

But I haven't wanted that to stop his exploration of the outdoors. His two-year-old endless energy seems to be shifting into this late three year old/early four year old more focused activity and dramatic play. (at least for this boy.) I'm trying to continue to encourage the running and jumping and getting breathless and sweaty. I was never a huge fan of the outdoors and maybe if I had been pushed a bit more I would enjoy it a little bit? Maybe? Eh, who knows. We do have quite a bit of fun with our after-dinner-dance parties. That always gets our heart rate up.

Oh, and our walks around the neighborhood.
The real reason why we purchased this home and the recharge and refresh it brings and we often need after a long day or week.
The views are simply breathtaking and make every juniper tree in our yard (the culprit of our dreaded allergies) worth it. To inhale the mountain air and get to the top of a hill and watch Jack run down like a free bird. It recharges us all and it's out our front door.

Our home is old and needs a lot of lovin' and it's a process (like everything?) John is a planner and a saver so that results in a lot of dreams and chats and drafts and slow progress.

That's okay, he happened to marry a woman who doesn't love change.
I lived with kitchen carpet for a year and a half. I can live with a 1970's stove for four.

Our bathrooms are all-original and are in need of repair, but other than that it's okay. It fits.

Jack has recently been talking a lot about the difference between old and new and how something old can be better than something new. And even what those words mean. He wants a "new" house, like the one in California? A different house? Or a newer house? We talk lots about old classics; old cars, old music, old people, trees and how things just often get better with age. I think he's getting it. I'm not always sure, but one thing is for certain. He is getting so much, sometimes I don't know how he can keep it all in his little brain. 

John loves fueling those thoughts and often their bedtime prayers turn into thorough stories and adventures full of cause and effect and life lessons tied in with Huckle and Lowlie the worm. He has so many questions, so much wonder and is so open to mirroring whatever you do and say. It is so crazy and scary to me sometimes.

One thing is for certain. Jack loves his Zoey. He is so concerned about her and her well being. Whether or not she is choking (a-hem, I may have been the cause of that, haha) or if she does something cute he's always the first to point it out "Look, Mama! Zoey did it!" 

Anyhow, back to the walk. Sorry, I get a little side tracked sometimes.

(p.s. Jack asked to wear this on the walk. I couldn't deny Santa jammie bottoms with sandals. I mean, who could?)

This is the view on our walk. It's definitely desert beauty and doesn't have a whole lot on deep green forests full of giant, ancient trees and water falls and creeks around every corner, but its what we got and we find beauty in it because to not be would be a life less lived.

The clouds capture a feeling of the breeze that day. It was just right.

At the end of our neighborhood is a giant property with young bulls and horses on it. It turns into gravel and we drive the dusty roads to this area. Our favorite spot is about to have a house built on it and maybe one day a gate keeping it closed. Whatever comes, it's beautiful. And in the summer? Full of these beautiful purple blossoms.

Jack stopped to draw on the ground and run his cars through the rocks and dirt. He wanted to find "clues" and match the print to what animal it could be. We told him it was a hoof print and so he drew his own prints.

I love the horse in the back ground trying to get in the shot too.

That was a fun day.

And this song is a good song too.

liking lately

this song has pretty much been on repeat since last night. it is so good.



and this, well, i'm lovin' it too.

a bit more

I forgot to put a few pictures from our trip on here. Always a little treat to find un-seen pictures of the kiddos.

The house we rented has a cute little courtyard just the right size for the kiddos. Jack loved it.

Zoey especially loved this part.

And while we were there (and had cable!) we were able to see John on TV! He was on ABC Family's 700 Club talking about his book, The Great Evangelical Recession.

I was so proud. And loved seeing his face on that TV. He was wincing with the way skype made him look, but I thought he looked quite dapper. He is such a sweet, loving man and one whose heart really just wants what Jesus wants. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the way we are different and the way we just don't quite see eye to eye, rather than admire the way he is wired and his person. Because it's quite an interesting, lovable and so-smart soul in there. Oh, and handsome. Ok, I'm done.

Jack was so excited and could hardly believe his daddy was in the TV.

Today, Spring has truly graced us with it's presence in Prescott. It's a nice 72 degrees and the allergies are almost gone. Thank you, Jesus.

life

Our Mom's group recently started reading this book together. It is so good, so real and vulnerable. We've been having this mom's group for almost a year and we went deep during those often-interrupted 45 minutes and it was good.

On another note, the other night during our homegroup Jack decided to sit next to John and mimic everything he was saying--as he was saying it. It was hilarious. It took a lot of convincing to distract Jack and he wasn't really being cheeky. He was genuinely trying to be like daddy, haha. It was kind of like this skit.

Here is Zoey trying to hold two babies at once. 

Birdie ate asparagus and loved it. She loves her food. I can see where she gets that from.

Who is this big boy in Christmas pajamas? He has grown up much too fast.

Again, Zoey with the asparagus. Haha.

They really recently started enjoying baths together and although the older one still likes to take up most of the bath tub with his cars and trucks, little sister has begun to enjoy playing with the toys and splashing in the water too.

I've kind of got a rhythm down where I wash both of their hair and bodies as quick as possible and let them play for a bit. It really is just as easy to wash two as it is to wash one.

This girl is really starting to develop her personality. It's already so clear that she likes to have fun. She has a deep belly laugh and is incredible ticklish. Her first "word" if you will is "tickle-tickle-tickle" as she tickles her little tummy and asks you to. I love this about her. She also loves to hug baby dolls and real babies and is always saying "Yeha" when she sees a baby.

Her heart is so full of joy and carefree happiness. I can not wait to see the kind of woman she develops and grows into. What a journey! This tiny little person who will one day and grow and be her own woman. I can hardly believe it.

I can also hardly believe that Zoeybird is almost done nursing. It's kind of sad, but it's kind of time. I love those moments and if I let myself think about it too long I start to feel sad and regret having John always put her down. I am not holding my breath though because she was up quite a bit last night. But without nursing during the day there's a whole lot of nothing there for her to eat, so I think she's a little bummed too.

It's good, it's healthy, it's time. We're going to San Francisco in a couple of weeks (just the two of us) and hope to have her fully weaned by then. Sort of bittersweet, but worth it.

Those moments were so sweet and precious. Nursing isn't my favorite part of mothering, but the release of those happy hormones sure is awesome. I do miss that. I will always miss that. (is that selfish?)

little Zoey after being nursed to sleep. Those moments were so sweet.

chasing waves

After we survived our adventure and after a long nap headed out to the pier for dinner and on the way 

home couldn't pass up a quick walk on the beach. 

Magical, I tell you. I didn't grow up near the ocean, but man, I can already feel this tug on my heart to put my feet in the sand and watch those beautiful waves crash over and over. 

Jack and I chased the waves and waited for them to catch us. He was so giddy and excited and kept referring to the waves as a big mouth (much like Pinocchio) and telling me that they were angry and were chasing each other. So cute.

poor birdie just wanted to be put down. But it was kind of chilly and so she stayed nearby.

This was the moment when waves literally attacked my ankles. I was a little surprised, haha.

til next time beautiful sea, don't forget us.