sleep, where art thou?

I uploaded Zoey's birth story. Up there on the tab bar.

 I can not believe it's already been a year. Crazy! It was so neat to write it and feel like it had just happened, only not really. So thankful for time passing since being pregnant and giving birth. It's such a whirlwind and kind of stressful for me.

Zoey is taking an unusual morning nap (perhaps because she was up at 6am?) and Jack is content and nearby. I normally love the upcoming spring (and still do) but the early sunrise kind of kicks our behinds. Arizona doesn't have daylight savings so there is no turning the clock back that hour and kiddos wake up with the sun. Even with blackout shades, for real.



Zoey is such an interesting sleeper and so, so opposite of her brother. Jack loves his sleep, still takes a near 3 hour nap every day. I have to wake him up almost every day. He is like his daddy. Even at Zoey's age he still needed those naps and didn't really love life without them.

Zoey can easily function on an hour and a half nap. She might not be the happiest camper the last hour of it or so, but she is ready for the day after she wakes up.



This can be so tricky and seriously exhausting.

I would hope that after only an hour and a half nap she would fall into a deep needed sleep at night and there would be no more worries. However, it's as if she gets her last burst of energy anywhere between midnight and 3am. She's been like this since about 6 months old and I can not for the life of me figure out why. I give her two naps, I nurse her back to sleep if she wakes up early, I've put her to bed later, I've let her sit in her crib and talk/cry for an HOUR and she's still just a bubble of energy and just can't seem to fall asleep. Of course I have given her tylenol thinking she might be in pain, but that didn't work so well either. So weird. I trust that shortly after she is weaned she might find the love and blessing of a full night's rest. The last few nights have been good. She's gotten up to nurse, but fell right back asleep (thank you Lord!) but this morning she was up at 6 and yesterday it was 6:30. Which I'm okay with really. I'm an early bird and that typically means she'll be ready for a morning nap around 9. It's just the middle of the night-life that is killin' me. I mean, she is just too cute when she is awake so it's hard to be frustrated and she's not crying (besides outbursts every 15 minutes or so. Kind of hard to sleep through that in the other room ;) so it can't be that annoying.

She's pretty much talking to herself. I have moments of laughter in the middle of the night thinking of her being a 2 year old and waking her brother up so they could play at 3am. Knowing Jack he would hardly open his eyes and just mutter "go back to sleep" and she probably would. I know she'll get there, but I just had to document this so if another lil kiddo is like this I can reflect and feel comforted (? Kind of?) I've googled it (of course) and it is very common and most mom's don't know what to do. We aren't into crying it out (although I have definitely tried it with her) but she just has to no tears. She is simply ready to party. Can't say I blame her.

a look back

I meant to post this months ago. I just stumbled upon it today and man, how much they have changed.

Jack still has the curls that begin around the top of his neck and Zoey still has that dreamy smile that makes me miss her when she's sleeping, but somehow they keep changing. 

The seasons are changing once again and winter has quickly left this western state and spring is already upon us. I keep tabs on the weather in Ohio (where I grew up) and I know the grass (or snow) is always greener on the other side, but something about my past, my childhood, my roots makes me miss those white spring days when one minute it would feel like spring and the next we'd be preparing for a snow storm. I love diverse weather and wish I could pass that on to my kids.

But alas, Arizona is beautiful and perfect and a whole different time.

And maybe I love just love the changing weather because it reminds me of being a kid. Of snow days in March and building a fire while we my brother and I still pretend it's Christmas. And oh, when the thunderstorms and tornados come in the spring and summer, that is fun too.

Instead I shall educate my kids on the desert flowers and juniper trees (which we are all allergic too.) I shall make sure they know lots about scorpions and javalinas and monsoons and forest fires. The West has diversity to it too.

There is this awesome family in our church who have five kids. Five kids and she homeschools them all. She is a carefree, relational, and intentional spirit. I try to take mental notes when I'm around her because I truly want to mirror the way she interacts with her eleven year old son whose braces take up most of his face at this point. I look at her and see pieces of myself years down the road, connecting and  joking with my pre-teen Jack. The possibility of him being kind of awkward is high, but all I keep thinking is that I want him to know how much I love him and like having him around. Because maybe I won't (all the time...if I'm honest) and I'm pretty sure he'll need to hear it more than the way I show it.

My friend and I chatted about how to keep from lecturing and how to respond when a pre-teen wants hot chocolate at 10pm. And then I looked and both of my kids were screaming in the car. It was like 11:30, sorry kiddos. Lunch came next.

I know those years will be here sooner than I think, oh Lord, give me Your grace to raise this childin's. 'cause I have no clue what I'm really doing. 

This was August of 2012, our last trip to the zoo.

little Birdie.

Oh, those toes!

Time is gaining speed.

I can feel it. If I'm not carful many memories would have passed that i hadn't recorded and i would regret it.

so here i am,  wanting to do this regularly. for reals.

As if it isn't hard enough that I'm getting older (and growing gray hairs and nearing the big 3-0) these little tikes are growing at what seems an impossible rate. They are so fun, so much work and worth every single second.

Jack is really developing into his own little person. He's started playing cars and adding in conversations. He has low voices and high voices. He wants someone to play with him often and I can't say I mind. It's so strange how quickly it all comes flooding back. Pretending, creating a story and being somewhat bothered when my three year old interrupts or tells me that doesn't happen.

I've been so inspired lately by reading this book, by spending time with other mama's (and post-young mom's) and learning to try new things. I love the idea that this whole parenting gig can be changed whenever and however. There is no rule book that I need to follow and each kid is so different. These two that I have are so different and respond to totally different things. I do love their quirks so much and wouldn't change it for the anything.

I can still remember holding Jack when he was a tiny baby. Sometimes he'll want to pretend to be a baby and have me hold and cuddle him. Yesterday I said to him, "You're my baby!" and he told me, "No I'm not! I'm a big boy." 

And it's so true.

He's heavy to carry and his gentle nudges have turned into painful headbuts. I can't really wrestle with him anymore for fear that one of us will really get hurt. I love watching him become aware of his size and influence on Zoey. He's so gentle with her and can carry her from one place to the next. Of course he's still defensive of his precious cars (or whatever he is playing with at the moment) but he is quickly learning to bring Zoey a toy or share, even if he doesn't want to. Something that is hard for most first borns, so I've been told.

Who will this precious boy become? What will he love? What will drive him crazy? What kind of adventures will he go on and who will capture his heart? Will he love Jesus??

John and I often stay up late talking about our dreams for the kiddos and praying for their little hearts and that they will turn to Jesus when they are young. I pray to learn how to direct Jack's passion and enthusiasm for life in a direction that is good. First borns are so tricky. They are a trial run. I pray he is gracious, haha.

A normal view of our kitchen floor.

And our sweet Zoey bird is also growing. She's a true little girl, but isn't afraid to throw a few pats or climb up onto anything she can manage (!!) She is everywhere and so, so quick. The nursery workers call her an "escape artist" because she is always busting out.

Today I found her standing on a chair, so excited she got to the top. Last week she tried to climb onto my shoulders and up our armoire. (not joking) She is loves to hang upside down and have me flip her over. It amazing me because Jack didn't care to do any of this. He had other things he was more interested in.

our Birdie is always so sweet and loves a good cuddle. She also loves to dance and sing along to anything we have playing.

This was our first spring Oreo. We ate them while it snowed. Jack was in heaven.

john and i have really tried to be intentional about going out on datenights. We feel so refreshed and recharged when we do and the kiddos get balanced and connected parents. it doesn't happen every week, but it does happen a lot and we are lovin' it. it's like we're dating again!

oh, this picture warms my heart to no end.

these three. i tell ya what.