sorry

Sorry for ignoring you, 'ol blog. I finally have my energy/appetite back and I took a run for it. It's been delightful. The weather is still hot (Arizona, you didn't get the memo? It's almost September.) In fact, I think this week is one of the hottest weeks we've had all summer. Along with it has come the monsoons. Real ones. Lots of thunder and rain and today, really cloudy skies. It's been heavenly.

17 Weeks

Two more weeks until we find out what we're having. Oh, my goodness am I excited. This is half the fun, to me. I have it planned so my dear sister is coming over to watch Jack ---p.s. I need to stop here to say how lucky and thankful I am to actually have a sister in town. I've secretly been envious of my friends who are 'going to my parent's' or 'my mom/sister/grandma can watch them...' But now, I can join the club and my sister is going to school up here and for the first time in three years we are closer than an hour and a half away. I am so excited! Yesterday she came over during Jack's nap and we watched Modern Family and Tangled. Oh, and I barely made dinner and forgot about the pile of laundry. Woops. But, boy, was it fun.--- All that to say, Maggie is gonna watch Jack when we get the ultrasound and John and I will head over together to find out if this little one is a boy or a girl. John is convinced it's a girl. I don't have definite feelings either way.

Maggie is going to school here!

Speaking of Tangled, how cute is that movie? I think this is my favorite scene. It reminded me of a Little Mermaid quite a lot too. 

These last few weeks have been busy! With my appetite back and my much missed energy we've been filling most days and weekends with plenty of water play dates!

This may look like a birthday party, but it is none other than a swimming party with Jack's buddies. He had a blast!

We also had a slip n slide play date on the weekend! John was able to go and we could sit and chat with friends and eat amazing food and enjoy the cloudy skies.

Cousin-buddies, Cougan and Casen. Too cute!

Jack and Ellie

Friends from Monday night Bible study

sharing babies and stories

Our little family tradition most Monday mornings is to go to the local Prescott Donut Factory for a donut. I mentioned it last Monday and Jack ran around in circles saying, "Doh-doh's! doh-dohs!" Uh, he gets that from me.

Jack saying, 'doh-dohs!' Too cute. p.s. That white frosted sprinkles is what I got. So, so yummy.

 We've also tried to restart our walks around the square. We went down there as a storm rolled in (annnd passed over us) and it was a nice walk with a cool breeze. I really do love living here.

Favorite song of the moment?

I heard this one the radio on the way to church and was pleasantly surprised to hear such talented voices on Christian radio...until I realized it was actually NPR and it was The Civil Wars. Oh man, they are consistently blowing me away.

moments to remember

We heard the little ones heartbeat today. It was perfect and brought much peace and relief. We find out in ONE month what we're having! I can hardly contain myself. I saw the ultrasound tech today and almost wanted to grab her and ask her, "can you just check now? Please?! I'll pay you!" haha. But I didn't. It's so worth the wait. Kind of like Christmas.

I've been kind of enjoying the differences in this pregnancy than with Jack. 

With Jack I craved, 

-cereal
-sweets
-pancakes
-anything bad for you

With this one I crave,

-cheese
-milk
-chips and sour cream dip (is there a pattern here?) 
-Egg salad
-popcorn

It's so different and in the mornings when I have cereal I sometimes have to force myself to finish it. Whah? This is not me. Pregnant or not pregnant. I love me my cereal. Maybe I should go back to investing in my golden grahams and fruity pebbles. I bet then I'd want to finish it ;) Or maybe not. Healthy cereals stay in my stomach longer.


The nausea is finally subsiding and I've already gained 5 pounds. My doctor was a little concerned that I had a lost a pound at my last appointment, but I told her, Don't you even worry, girl! I've got this one taken care of! 


I'm still kind of in awe that this is really happening. I look at Jack and wonder how I'll manage another one and how I'll manage to give them as much love and kisses as I do Jack. Last night on the way home from Bible study I asked Jack if he had fun to which he piped, "Yes!" And then did this loud and growl-giggle that made John and I break into laughter. He's growing so fast and has become a very independent little boy. At a playdate this morning he didn't want me (unless it was to show me the cars outside) and didn't mind falling or getting toys taken away. He did however, pinch a little girl and pull two older girl's hair. Oh, man. We left shortly after and he was asleep in the car within 10 minutes. My little fiesty monkey. Apologies to those kiddos and their mama's. 

Jackboy's expression when he sees his daddy is home.

Jack's recent "cheese" face. Literally.

a pool day out back with dear friends

I feel like this new kiddo is a girl, even though we have a great boy name picked. I'd love a little girl, though, and we shall somehow agree on a girl name if that happens. We started to talk about it yesterday and John said, "Let's just see if we even need to have that show down, okay?" haha. I wonder where Jack gets his fiestiness?


Girls night tonight and rain this afternoon. Two of my favorite things and it's only 2 o'clock.


So thankful for today and time which eventually passes and Jesus who heals and restores.


I read this post today and choked up. So true.  p.s. I'm choking up like all the time now, over every little thing. Be warned.

Summer monsoons are in full swing as I sit and type and eat crackers and cottage cheese. My appetite has also returned and it has brought with it consistent hunger that doesn't seem to end unless I'm sleeping. And it all comes back to me, how I gained all that weight with Jack. And ate so much delicious food.

I feel thankful and full of hope that all is going well. We're in the second trimester this week and I can feel my energy returning, though my nausea still remains. I've been struggling a lot with fear lately and worry. Common worries for early pregnancy, but with me, worrying tends to be taken to a different level. On Sunday we heard a great sermon from a friend of ours who talked about how we are made to worship. We spend our lives worshiping something, but it's choosing what to worship. For me, I tend to let idols be what I worship. Idols that are, fame, control, fear, pride, doubt, things that we don't just think about, but allow to take over our hearts and lose our focus on Christ. I long to just have my gaze directed towards God and look to Him rather than the worry and fear that is so familiar and well known, but brings no peace and rest. To be able to look my deepest fear in the eye and tell it, "I'm not afraid anymore." Because, I'm not. Even if it's the absolute worst thing I could imagine, He is faithful. He is strong. He will use it for His glory. I was reminded this morning as I prayed that it's not a sin to be weak. That we all are weak, but in that weakness, He is made strong.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

And that brought such peace. A moment I could breath and let it go. Again. Until an hour later when I had to do the same thing. :)

++

Last week we went north to Sedona to see my cousin and his wife for the day. It was so wonderful. My cousin Greg and I grew up by that creek and created hundreds of stories in those woods. It was great to take our boys there and see them take it in. Of course, I imagined them being a bit older and climbing mountains and building forts in the rocks and pretending that they are running away from the orphanage. Swimming in the creek and creating another world that only they knew of. I hope all those things for them, just because I miss my childhood so.

my cousin, Greg and Jack and Noah.

Noah is so cute!

possibly my favorite picture. Noah and Jack are so much alike and both love to run, to laugh, to swing and hit. Just sometimes. They're boys, what can I say?

The creek was cool, but not freezing. The weather was overcast and beautiful. A perfect summer afternoon. 

We finished the afternoon with delicious bean soup and playing with the dogs outside on the deck. Jack fell asleep on our way home and it was the ending of a really great day.

This week was a doozy.

It's been one of those weeks where at the end of it, I look at John and wonder how on earth we got through it? By God's grace only, because there were times I thought, "Yeah, I don't think I can make it through this one. See ya." 

Monday I went in for my appointment and my very kind and loving Doctor, but also a little paranoid and medicine-lovin' couldn't find the heartbeat right away. Which, to me, at 12 weeks and with the very tipped uterus I have, didn't concern me. But she was. That makes a mama concerned. Even at 12 weeks. She tried an old-school machine and we saw our little one, looking as real as ever. "I think that's the heart beat." She said apprehensively after 2.5 minutes of looking. She ordered an ultrasound for 4pm that day. My appointment was at 10:15. Thankfully, I'm used to such run arounds with our caring doc and tried to write it off that she was just being extra cautious and extra kind so that I would have a peace of mind. At 4pm I smiled and waved at my little one as their legs kicked and their heart beat high. Just like her/his mama's. The tech worked really hard to around my pelvic bone and just said, "I just really don't like your uterus." Thanks. I laughed. I saw the heartbeat, the kicking legs and the profile of our newest little one. My heart melted. I feel like it's a girl. I will be delighted if it's a boy, but I have this strange sense that it's a girl. The pregnancy is just so different than with Jack.

Monday night arrived and along with it came a horrible ear infection. Worse than the one I had only 2 months ago. The second one in two months. After six years of not having one. That isn't normal, is it? It was horrendous and after a restless night, a little vomiting and a cute Colin Hanks and John Malcovich movie, I found my ear was actually bleeding. That had never happened before. It was scary. So, I went to an ENT here in town who took me right in (which is a miracle) and he informed me he didn't like my eardrums and that I had a very serious infection. It was bad, ya'll. Like, a hole in my ear drum bad. I still can't hear out of it. He said that should change in about 10 days. Praise Jesus that is over and please, please, Lord help me never to have an ear ache like that again.

My mom and sister came to the aid the next day and arrived with love and groceries in hand. They let me rest and helped with Jack, oh and my mom cleaned out my entire fridge and organized my cabinets. It was delightful. I've been meaning to clean that fridge cause every time I open it, it kind of smells and I kind of want to puke. So thankful to my mom for all her help and making me feel like I could really put my feet up.

Oh, and my man has been a champ as well. He's helped so much. I'm kind of in emergency-mode these days. Between limited hearing which makes me feel dizzy and nausea that doesn't seem to leave unless I'm sleeping, I feel like I'm just trying to make it until, Lord willing, these season passes. We're at 13 weeks tomorrow. Hopefully in another week it will start to ease up a bit. And hopefully, by Christmas I'll look a little bit like this. Though, hopefully not this huge.

In good news, I've been deeply enjoying a Masterpiece Classic called Downton Abbey. Which is on netflix instant. Which is an incredible show. I am quite obsessed and often hear their accents in my head. It's been so long since I've used a proper accent. It's been a great distraction and nothing too heavy to burden the days.





Also, while in Phoenix, my mom and I left our flip flops outside. This is what the Phoenix heat does to flip flops, apparently, when left in the sun. Way too small and shriveled like a piece of bacon. Craaaazy.

July

Time has flown so quickly.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. Spending the summer full of hot days and cooled off nights. The monsoons arrived. They were welcomed with open arms and celebrated each afternoon as the clouds rolled in, Jack napped and I camped out to watch the dark, waving clouds of moisture move towards us only to pass over and head somewhere else. 

Some days we got light thunder. Other days we got random downpours. One night John and I cuddled up and watched a full storm sweep over us. It was strong and bold and so beautiful. The lightning was intense. It took away our internet, which was for the better. It allowed us to shut off the movie we were watching and give the storm our full attention. Storms have a tendency to kind of need that. Kind of like kids.

Fourth of July came and went, but boy, was it great. We went to the world's oldest Rodeo and celebrated with a feast of all American food. BBQ chicken, potato salad, watermelon and blackberry pie for dessert. My parents, my brother and his family came up for the day and the monsoons hit around 2pm. It rained most of the day, but that was okay. It really cooled things off and wasn't bad enough to cancel the rodeo. Time with family was a blessing. A nice nap was also enjoyed while the guys watched Prison Break. Most-stressful-show-ever.

This picture was taken while  I was trying to convince my patient man to take another picture. He obviously ran out of patience.

During our little retreat we also ordered a sub from walmart to help feed our house guests. My ever-practical and penny pincher hubby insisted on paying for a 6 foot sub because it was only 5 bucks more than a 4 foot. There are no words to share this picture, but just to say that is the 6 foot sub. All 7 and a half feet of it! John is 5'11. That sub was intense and gave my mom and I a good laugh when we picked it up at Wal-mart. Still, for 25 bucks, you can't beat all that food. Was it good? Why yes. Was it good after a couple of days? Well, no.

We also had surprise (because of my forgetful memory) guests from back East. Four travelers came our way on a cross-country road trip and one of them was my very dear pal, Kate. When I'm with her it's as if no time has passed. We reunite. We laugh, we joke, we use accents, we share funny stories, pour our hearts out until everything broken and bruised is wrapped with Love and grace and somehow life is much brighter after such a short visit with my dear friend. I wish she lived closer, I wish the Bronx wasn't so far and I wish that I had a magical capsule that could allow us to visit whenever we wanted. It was good to listen to good music with her, watch a few funny movies and share a trip to Costco in a downpour.

Oh and Jack? He's growing along. He loved the four guests and you would have thought he was in heaven. All this attention. All this love from ladies who work with kids every day. He was so lovin' it. But oh, did he have to remind them every 10 seconds that I was mama and dad was dada. Seriously, he said it about every five minutes.

Last week Jack and I spent a few days at Grandma and "Pa's" house for a little getaway. Why the getaway is to hot Phoenix, I do not know, but it was great. Jack had a blast. It was great to see my mom's parents for a little bit too. It's beautiful to watch age at the other end of life and to see how they look back on their lives full of joy and great memories.

Jack loved playing with his little cousins and the train set that grandma has there.

 He also loved swimming in the pool in his birthday suit and trying to figure out if this was a bath or what. He's really becoming his own little person and identifying things when he sees them. Pointing out the animals he loves, the tv shows he adores and when he wants water or his binky. I love watching him process what I'm saying and seeing how he reacts (or chooses not to.) He's a free spirit, that little guy.

I'm still feeling really sick, but praying that at the 14 week mark things will lighten up. As much as I'm thankful for each day that I feel sick, I do look forward to days of not dreading what to make for dinner and what to snack on that won't make me want to puke. But praise Jesus, we are at 12 weeks tomorrow. We're almost there.
 



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