This week was a doozy.

It's been one of those weeks where at the end of it, I look at John and wonder how on earth we got through it? By God's grace only, because there were times I thought, "Yeah, I don't think I can make it through this one. See ya." 

Monday I went in for my appointment and my very kind and loving Doctor, but also a little paranoid and medicine-lovin' couldn't find the heartbeat right away. Which, to me, at 12 weeks and with the very tipped uterus I have, didn't concern me. But she was. That makes a mama concerned. Even at 12 weeks. She tried an old-school machine and we saw our little one, looking as real as ever. "I think that's the heart beat." She said apprehensively after 2.5 minutes of looking. She ordered an ultrasound for 4pm that day. My appointment was at 10:15. Thankfully, I'm used to such run arounds with our caring doc and tried to write it off that she was just being extra cautious and extra kind so that I would have a peace of mind. At 4pm I smiled and waved at my little one as their legs kicked and their heart beat high. Just like her/his mama's. The tech worked really hard to around my pelvic bone and just said, "I just really don't like your uterus." Thanks. I laughed. I saw the heartbeat, the kicking legs and the profile of our newest little one. My heart melted. I feel like it's a girl. I will be delighted if it's a boy, but I have this strange sense that it's a girl. The pregnancy is just so different than with Jack.

Monday night arrived and along with it came a horrible ear infection. Worse than the one I had only 2 months ago. The second one in two months. After six years of not having one. That isn't normal, is it? It was horrendous and after a restless night, a little vomiting and a cute Colin Hanks and John Malcovich movie, I found my ear was actually bleeding. That had never happened before. It was scary. So, I went to an ENT here in town who took me right in (which is a miracle) and he informed me he didn't like my eardrums and that I had a very serious infection. It was bad, ya'll. Like, a hole in my ear drum bad. I still can't hear out of it. He said that should change in about 10 days. Praise Jesus that is over and please, please, Lord help me never to have an ear ache like that again.

My mom and sister came to the aid the next day and arrived with love and groceries in hand. They let me rest and helped with Jack, oh and my mom cleaned out my entire fridge and organized my cabinets. It was delightful. I've been meaning to clean that fridge cause every time I open it, it kind of smells and I kind of want to puke. So thankful to my mom for all her help and making me feel like I could really put my feet up.

Oh, and my man has been a champ as well. He's helped so much. I'm kind of in emergency-mode these days. Between limited hearing which makes me feel dizzy and nausea that doesn't seem to leave unless I'm sleeping, I feel like I'm just trying to make it until, Lord willing, these season passes. We're at 13 weeks tomorrow. Hopefully in another week it will start to ease up a bit. And hopefully, by Christmas I'll look a little bit like this. Though, hopefully not this huge.

In good news, I've been deeply enjoying a Masterpiece Classic called Downton Abbey. Which is on netflix instant. Which is an incredible show. I am quite obsessed and often hear their accents in my head. It's been so long since I've used a proper accent. It's been a great distraction and nothing too heavy to burden the days.





Also, while in Phoenix, my mom and I left our flip flops outside. This is what the Phoenix heat does to flip flops, apparently, when left in the sun. Way too small and shriveled like a piece of bacon. Craaaazy.

July

Time has flown so quickly.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. Spending the summer full of hot days and cooled off nights. The monsoons arrived. They were welcomed with open arms and celebrated each afternoon as the clouds rolled in, Jack napped and I camped out to watch the dark, waving clouds of moisture move towards us only to pass over and head somewhere else. 

Some days we got light thunder. Other days we got random downpours. One night John and I cuddled up and watched a full storm sweep over us. It was strong and bold and so beautiful. The lightning was intense. It took away our internet, which was for the better. It allowed us to shut off the movie we were watching and give the storm our full attention. Storms have a tendency to kind of need that. Kind of like kids.

Fourth of July came and went, but boy, was it great. We went to the world's oldest Rodeo and celebrated with a feast of all American food. BBQ chicken, potato salad, watermelon and blackberry pie for dessert. My parents, my brother and his family came up for the day and the monsoons hit around 2pm. It rained most of the day, but that was okay. It really cooled things off and wasn't bad enough to cancel the rodeo. Time with family was a blessing. A nice nap was also enjoyed while the guys watched Prison Break. Most-stressful-show-ever.

This picture was taken while  I was trying to convince my patient man to take another picture. He obviously ran out of patience.

During our little retreat we also ordered a sub from walmart to help feed our house guests. My ever-practical and penny pincher hubby insisted on paying for a 6 foot sub because it was only 5 bucks more than a 4 foot. There are no words to share this picture, but just to say that is the 6 foot sub. All 7 and a half feet of it! John is 5'11. That sub was intense and gave my mom and I a good laugh when we picked it up at Wal-mart. Still, for 25 bucks, you can't beat all that food. Was it good? Why yes. Was it good after a couple of days? Well, no.

We also had surprise (because of my forgetful memory) guests from back East. Four travelers came our way on a cross-country road trip and one of them was my very dear pal, Kate. When I'm with her it's as if no time has passed. We reunite. We laugh, we joke, we use accents, we share funny stories, pour our hearts out until everything broken and bruised is wrapped with Love and grace and somehow life is much brighter after such a short visit with my dear friend. I wish she lived closer, I wish the Bronx wasn't so far and I wish that I had a magical capsule that could allow us to visit whenever we wanted. It was good to listen to good music with her, watch a few funny movies and share a trip to Costco in a downpour.

Oh and Jack? He's growing along. He loved the four guests and you would have thought he was in heaven. All this attention. All this love from ladies who work with kids every day. He was so lovin' it. But oh, did he have to remind them every 10 seconds that I was mama and dad was dada. Seriously, he said it about every five minutes.

Last week Jack and I spent a few days at Grandma and "Pa's" house for a little getaway. Why the getaway is to hot Phoenix, I do not know, but it was great. Jack had a blast. It was great to see my mom's parents for a little bit too. It's beautiful to watch age at the other end of life and to see how they look back on their lives full of joy and great memories.

Jack loved playing with his little cousins and the train set that grandma has there.

 He also loved swimming in the pool in his birthday suit and trying to figure out if this was a bath or what. He's really becoming his own little person and identifying things when he sees them. Pointing out the animals he loves, the tv shows he adores and when he wants water or his binky. I love watching him process what I'm saying and seeing how he reacts (or chooses not to.) He's a free spirit, that little guy.

I'm still feeling really sick, but praying that at the 14 week mark things will lighten up. As much as I'm thankful for each day that I feel sick, I do look forward to days of not dreading what to make for dinner and what to snack on that won't make me want to puke. But praise Jesus, we are at 12 weeks tomorrow. We're almost there.
 



as

hello, summer.

I feel like it's been forever since I've written.

Maybe because it has been.

Maybe because it's been hot here in Arizona and I spend the afternoons camped out, napping while Jack naps and when he awakes, we share a smoothie and hit the road to beat the heat. ie, go to goodwill or walmart. Your pick.

Maybe because Jack just doesn't allow for computer time anymore. If he sees the computer/tv screen on (our computer doubles as our tv) than he is convinced it is time for one or all of the following: Wonder Pets, Thomas the Train, Fireman Sam or some documentary about cars that John watches with him. He likes his shows, but we try to limit his time, thus, mom gets her computer time limited too.

the boys had fun, but they were cold. It was so funny because they would just sand at the end where all the kids were sliding.

but after a quick wardrobe change, Jack grew to like it.

 

Maybe because when we are awake we are out with friends enjoying water parties or making trips to Costco or trying to embrace and enjoy summer. I wish I could say that with real enthusiasm. I must tell you that I've been listening to Christmas music on Pandora nearly every morning because it brings me so much joy. I can't wait for winter to be here once again. I know that sounds strange and kind of...sad, but I do love a little chill. I'm trying to embrace summer by enjoying plenty of watermelon, listening to plenty of bluegrass, going for walks after the sun dozes and looking forward to the monsoons which should arrive in 30 days or more. But whose counting?

And once the big kids took a break they figured out how to slide.

again and again

We've also been celebrating Father's Day, enjoying bluegrass festival at the square and listening to Jack's new whine/squeal. Sometimes, he can't decide when he's happy or sad.

 I wish you could hear this noise. Seriously hilarious/ kind of annoying.

It might have been a while since I've written because I've had a strange case of first trimester all-day nausea. I awake with it, I bare it through breakfast and it sticks with me like the summer heat until I doze off at about 10pm each night. But, each day, I find myself thanking Jesus for the gift that is another little bean growing slowly inside me (and pushing the pouch that Jack left over quickly out) and that we're almost to 10 weeks and almost to the end of the first trimester. Praise Jesus! I've felt so sick since 2 weeks before I even missed my period (does this happen to other people?) and have felt it get worse as each week passes. But, man. It's been such a great reminder that things are going well. That though it was so hard to lose a little one in February, that God's timing is perfect. That the little bean in there is hopefully growing like they should be and Lord willing we will meet him or her the end of January. Another reason why I'm listening to Christmas music every day? Perhaps.

this was taken right before my sister's graduation back in May.

While our little bean has been growing each week, Jack has been growing almost as quickly. He is changing and while I rocked him to sleep today (for he got his leg stuck in the side of the crib and had a litttttle bit of a freak out) I looked at his head and arms and long legs and could hardly believe he is almost two. How does time go so quickly? John and I were talking the other day and I thought out loud, "Jack will never know what it's like to be an only child. He won't remember this time. Being a big brother is all he'll ever know." To which we both smiled. Siblings are truly glorious things.

I'm off for a little nap, please don't judge. Or judge that I just bought a big 'ol thing of potato salad at costco. Helllooo, summer.

dada day

The weather was designed for Father's Day this year. 

The sky was bright, the breeze was cool and we stayed home bound for this day. Normally we go to my parent's house, but between two sermons and a kiddo who needs a nap and doesn't nap well in the car, we decided not to go this year. After a gourmet meal of Arbie's beef and chedder, fries and a Dr. P, John settled in for a few episodes of his new favorite show, Prison Break. 

The best gift John gave me on Mother's Day was the freedom to do whatever I wanted to. John's really good at sharing the load when it comes to Jackboy, but on M-Day, he gave me the day off completely. It was just...incredible. I tried to do the same on Father's Day. He kept saying things like "Wow, this is so awesome!" and "I don't even know what to do I have so many options!" I should probably give him Father Day-like days more often, huh.

So, after nap time for Jack and three episodes of Prison Break, Jack and I ran to the store and John read a good book. We returned with strawberries in hand and a serious burst of energy to cook up some salmon, mashed potatoes, salad and strawberry shortcake. In short, it was delicious. Jack enjoyed some mac n cheese. (Our little squirt still doesn't eat a whole lot of variety) and some grapes while we sampled some pretty good, if I do say so, food. 

the earlier days, in which Jack made dada very, very tired. Oh, and mama too.

snuggle time, post work.

watching the first snow fall of winter

Our sick boy being cared for by his loving daddy.

Evening bath time.

Our Jackboy loves his dada. The first thing he says when he wakes up is, "Dada? Car?" and the first thing he wants is his daddy. I'm small beans compared to dad and that's okay. I get to be the go-to person for the rest of the day.

When John is home, Jack wants all of him. It's kind of border line pathetic, really. But ohso cute. They race cars around the couch, they build train sets and read books. Jack gets thrown on beds, couches, and over John's back to the sounds of many giggles. They go and sit in the car in the garage and while Jack drives, John catches up on the news. (Thank you, iphone.) John cuddles and loves on his boy and it is so precious to watch. Being the youngest of four boys, John wasn't groomed to love little kids, but oh has Jack captured his heart. I've loved watching him become a daddy and truly love the role that God has placed him in. 

They make a great pair and I feel privileged to watch their bond get stronger.

Happy Father's Day to my baby's handsome Daddy.

And Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Pop, too. We share so many things; our love for good music, our habit of picking our fingers, our thick, curly hair, our love for having a good time, good food and lots of laughter. I thank him for making my childhood one of the best times of my life. For every toss across the pool, trip to the farm, encouraging my timid self to do ride a bike and tickle monster attack on our living room floor. My love for him as only grown and grown.