2 Years

Today is Jack's second birthday. As in, two years ago right now I was recovering on a hospital bed, starring at my newborn little boy, chatting with the night nurses, relieved that the pain was over and yet in complete awe of what had just happened. John stayed with Jack while they bathed him and checked him from head to toe. I was so, so exhausted and all I remember was a friendly nurse (who we had bought most of our baby stuff from) was on call and came in to congratulate me. I was in such a weird state that all I remember was my eyes were crying, but I wasn't. I couldn't stop the tears from flooding my cheeks. I was seriously exhausted. 

Two years later, we are to today and Jack has the croup. We were up a lot last night trying to ease his cough. He's hoarse and clingy and wants to watch Cars all day. And today he did. Around 2am this morning I paced the steamy bathroom with him in my arms and prayed and thanked Jesus that we are the blessed ones to see this little guy grow. I can't believe how long his legs have grown and how his smile has turned from a round baby grin to this toddler expression that is filled with wonder and excitement for life. (Oh, and a regular tantrum as well.) Somehow he has survived two years (and somehow we have too ;) and I feel so honored to be his mama. 

Last night the three of us lay sleepless in bed, trying to coax Jack back to sleep. I was worrying (I can get a little carried away when I lose sleep) and John was calm. Oh, so calm. Jack sounded like his little throat was closing in and I was almost sure an ER visit was in our near future. I'd rest my hand on his chest and feel his little heart pounding, hard, trying to keep up. In the dead of night we heard a truck drive by and a hoarse, pacifier voice say "Truck? Truck."

"I think he's going to be fine." John mumbled. Back to bed Jack went and slept until 9 this morning. (Lovely!)

Even though his little birthday shin-dig had to be canceled, I was so thankful for my visiting parents, a "doe-doe" (donut) breakfast and a couple of presents to celebrate this little guy's life.

...

My dear goose,

Today you turned two. You ate a chocolate sprinkle donut and had us sing 'happy birthday' twice because you loved it so much. You didn't sleep well and still had a bad cough, but wanted only your "doe-doe" to eat all the same. You played trains and cars with your papa and requested to watch Cars all day long. Your party was canceled this year, but hopefully we'll celebrate next week.

You have discovered your little vocabulary and have so many opinions that I wonder how you've kept in this long. Your recent favorites are phrases like, "Mine." "Help, mama." "Daddy go?" " Mommydaddy." and other things you pick up from our random conversations. You are going to become a big brother in a few months and I can't wait to see you with your own little sibling. You love people (and kids as you call them) so much and a day doesn't go by that you request to play with someone. (That, you may or may not get from me. ;) You are full of life and energy and love your (two) cars. I can't believe how fast two years has gone, I feel like you've been in our lives forever. 

I am so glad I had you.

Last October I thought you were so big and growing so fast. I had no idea how much you would change in only one more year.

 

You and your daddy love your time together.  You guys make such a great team.

February was a little difficult for us as we lost a baby early on in the pregnancy. You were such a great reminder to me that God's timing is so perfect and His healing hand is so consistent. I am so, so thankful for the extra months we've had together just the two of us.

This coming February we will rejoice with the birth of your baby sister!

 

You love to help daddy with the coffee in the morning.

 

Where did this little boy come from? You changed so much (and got your first haircut.)

and here we are, in Michigan just a week ago. 

I pray you will use your strengths for His kingdom and that you will seek Jesus with your whole life. I pray for boldness, strength, discernment and protection.

Thanks for being you and keeping me on my toes. Sleep well tonight and heal up. I miss my silly goose.

Love,

Mama

the trip

...

We've arrived home from our trip to Michigan with a bad case of the croup. I've been kind of dreading the flu season to return, because every time is does, Jack finds it. Of course he's an active, hand-to-mouth sort of kid anyway, but here we are. Last year on his first birthday he got a bad cold + an ear infection so when we got home from our travels with a slightly runny nose and mild fever, my first thought was an ear infection. I took him to the doctor to find out his ears look lovely (praise Jesus!) but he just has a nasty cold. After 50+ times of waking up last night (ok, maybe not fifty) he was his active self by 9am this morn. At one point John brought him in bed with him and I got booted out (me and my belly need a little more room.) and within about 45 minutes I hear Jack ready to start the day...at 3am. Needless to say, the night was long and eventful and around 4am I couldn't fall back to sleep for the life of me. I thought, I planned, I made lists, I wrote emails in my head and replied to text messages. I finally had to tell myself to 'let it go and go to sleep. Or you'll regret it.' I'm not really looking forward to those last few weeks of pregnancy where everything is so uncomfortable that all you can do is pray that the night goes quickly. Then a newborn comes and sleep is a far, distant and forgotten dream. Oh, I'm ready people. A years worth of full night's sleep will that do that to a young woman.

I'm officially at 26 weeks and feeling a little large. The belly is lovely and the kicks are a delight, but the chubby cheeks and thick thighs can bring a girl down. I know it's a season, but it still doesn't keep me from looking at the scale with slight shock and dread. I'm already planning how to lose this baby weight though, and praying for grace to allow myself time. After Jack I felt such a rush to get back into my old cloths and feel my old self again. But if I'm honest with myself, I wish I would have just let it be for a few weeks while I settle into nursing and admiring this precious little being. I long to embrace each season (even the chunky ones) and know that this too shall pass, and how we look, though a choice, isn't everything. One of my favorite people and mentors often reminds me that we only get to be pregnant in life so many times, so enjoy it and live it up, girl.

Amen to that. And to the yummy goodies that this season holds. (Just kidding. I'm trying to refrain, I really am.)

...

I have so many reflections on our time in Michigan, but if I think/process them all I won't write this until Thanksgiving. So here's a quick low down on the trip. 

I so love being back in the Midwest. Waking with the late morning sun, watching clouds fill the sky for an entire day (a rarity here in AZ) seeing green grass, leaves at the end of driveways and pumpkins in front of every home (They aren't eaten/fried like here.) My heart soared at the smell of bonfires, fresh apple cider and family laughter with a bowl of popcorn. It's so good to be with John's family and hear their family stories and chat with John's mom about What Not To Wear and other favorite shows. 

Going back to where John grew up is like seeing a new piece of him each time. When we went to the church he grew up in there were countless ladies doting on how they saw him grow and he was their little one. He really is so lucky to have grown up in the same place and for his family to still live there. Having moved around a lot when I was younger I had the awesome advantage of meeting so many people and seeing life in different parts of the U.S., but I do sometimes long for that strange feeling of coming back to where you grew up and seeing people you grew up with. 

Jack's first flight since he was two months old. He did great!

Where I spent most of our getaway night. With the stomach flu.

Enjoying some real syrup

With my man on the ferry to Mackinac Island

My view from the bed (between pukes) Love this man.

The ferry ride

Our view most days. Lovely.

Welcome to Michigan!

Cousin time!

The flight home. Jack was so, so tired.

More to come...

fall days

The sound of pouring rain woke me up at 2am. Well, that and I really had to pee. 

It was breathtaking. The sound of the rain against the window, the wind whistling, and my man who couldn't seem to fall asleep. I opened the shades for a minute to see the rain through the street light, but quickly realized how tired I was and returned to bed instead. Sleep continued for me (and eventually for John) and when we awoke it was cold, sunny and wet. Oh, fall. There you are.

I've been trying to keep up with this blog, but haven't done a very good job. Mostly because during nap time I have a list of other projects (or some days just starring out the window at the rainy clouds) because, seriously people, in about four months these nap times will look so different and I'd be lying if I didn't say, I will miss them immensely. I love naptime. I love Jack and love watching him grow, discover and change, but I do love the few hours he sleeps in the afternoon and the moments of solace it brings. After nausea passed during this trimester and I regained my energy, I realized something. I sometimes enjoy doing absolutely nothing. This wasn't a real surprise to me, but I shared it with my task-oriented husband semi-wondering if that was okay. He said it was. ;) 

A few things I've loved this last month...

This trailer: from the director of Billy Elliot? Awesome. Be prepared to choke up a little.

This song: Coldplay was in my dream last night and in my sleepy state I was trying to remember this song and hear it live. I didn't do it justice, but this song is so, so good. Oh, and Chris Martin was totally a normal guy in my dream. Just sayin'. I love the "It was a wa-wa-wa-wa-waterfall." part.

Also, loving this song:




So raw and real. And easy to get stuck in the head.


So good.


//


Our little family is growing. Yesterday we took this family shot before John left for work and I still feel so shocked to see this little boy in John's arms. He's growing so fast. Please excuse his bathtub haircut that I didn't really do well. ;) So crazy to think next year at this time, Lord willing, we'll have a baby girl in our arms too!

With fall officially arriving, we've lit a lot of Autumn and Leaves scented candles and eaten a lot of chicken pot pies. Yummmm.

Last week we finally got Jack's hand me down playset up and running in the back yard. He digs it. And his car, of course.

Sliding with Grandma and Papa might be one of his most favorite things.

And playing chalk with Grandma. She did an outline of his body and he thought it was the coolest thing. "Jack! Jack!" He kept saying and pointing at the outline. 

And this is our boy, most mornings. He loves his Caillou some days more than his cars. As an avid movie lover, it's really entertaining for me to see my boy love a tv show much. So many of my favorite movies/shows spurred on my imagination as a kid. I spent countless hours pretending I was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, Little Mermaid, Laura Ingalls and so many more.

I don't know if Jack dreams of being Caillou, but he sure does think Caillou is fun. That's enough for now. 

//

Me and the little squirt inside are at 23 weeks. Wow. Halfway there and only a few more weeks left of the second trimester. I'm starting to feel huge and try not to regularly weigh myself, but oh how I love feeling her kick, squirm when I lay down and get kisses from Jackboy. And occasionally smacks as well. All in love, people.

We are still talking about names, but really love the name Zoey Evelyn. We've discussed/argued over the spelling of the name and although I love the idea of spelling it Zoë, I just don't know if I can do it. but with the way our future is headed and how dominate computer stuff is, I don't want the poor girl to have to continually do something weird on the keyboard in order to spell her own name. (Yes, that is one of my reasons. May sound crazy, but true.) And Zoey is cute, short and hopefully there won't be a lot of questions on how to pronounce her name. Maybe. And Evelyn is my grandma's name and John's great aunt's name. It has a lovely ring to it. We'll see.


So thankful for good friends who are on this journey of mamahood with you.

It's a. . . . . . .

GIRL!

Honestly, I was really surprised. I really thought it was going to be a boy and though I had a small hunch that it was a girl (one example being my crazy hormones during this pregnancy. I am supplying estrogen for two, people!) that was the biggest giveaway. However, we had a perfect boy name picked out that I loved and dreamed about saying ever day. But girl names...they are harder for us to decide/agree on. Such a big responsibility to name a future woman. Jack's name wasn't hard because #1. He's named after his dad directly. and #2. I felt like there were so many inspiring people named Jack and it was a great hero name.

these are from some of my favorite books as a kid

A girl? That's a bit trickier. Probably because I am a girl and there tends to be a bit more baggage behind a name. Good or bad. It's just tough. We do have a couple that we really like, but I'm not settled just yet. I guess I do have some time.

I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed on providing a new wardrobe for this little tike. I love used stuff and was looking forward to the next kiddo wearing all of Jack's fun outfits that he outgrew way too fast. Oh well. Maybe next time. I've already started to go through and pick out things that could be worn on a girl. I was pretty much a tomboy as a kid and having two older brothers I didn't think much about cute outfits or dresses (unless they were dress-up clothes) I just wanted something I could ride a bike in, pretend in and play barbies in. This is a whoooollle new adventure. 

My heart is also humbled at this incredible opportunity to raise a woman for Jesus. Such a beautiful and challenging task to encourage them during those delicate years ahead. Getting their heart broken, feeling left out, awkward, and all those other wonderful things a young woman feels. I pray to be supportive, but allow them to experience and feel on their own. I know Jack will go through things like that too, but it will be different and he might not want to talk about his feelings much at all by then. Oh, man. Teenagers. Thank God we've got a little time before that.

All that to say, we are excited. John especially. Now if we could just decide on a name... ;)

autumn adventures

Is it wrong that I just goosebumps when I watched this? ...For the second time. 

Get More: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

I am such a sucker for those twilight movies/books. It makes me feel like a teenager again...and somehow I can get lost in it for just a little. I guess like any good book and or movie, huh?


This last week has been oh-so-busy and oh so wonderful. We've been busy 'round these parts and mostly inspired by the change of weather. We welcomed September with open arms and it brought cold mornings (today the house was 62 degrees inside! I was so tempted to turn on the heater.) and lots of beautiful clouds full of raging thunderstorms. Sunday night we had friends over for chili and enjoyed the open windows and consistent rain. On Monday night we gathered in a warm home full of breakfast-for-dinner foods and watched the rain dramatically fall outside accompanied by plenty of thunder and lightening. It was so, so beautiful. To us Arizona folks, the rain is a celebrated event. 

Bummer of the week was the much anticipated discovery of the sex our babe was put off for a few more days. The tech was sick (not sure what's a bigger bummer. That she was sick or that we only have one tech at the doctor's office.) and they couldn't get me in again until FRIDAY. I was a wreck. It was like knowing you were going to Disney Land on September 12 for like a month and then when it came...to find out it's postponed. I was like a kid on Christmas morning who was told it wasn't actually Christmas, but December 20. My goodness. So, one more day and we shall know, hopefully.

Casen, Jude, Cougan, Jack and Lincoln

I am so thankful for dear friendships...particularly of the female variety. I love my man, but I love me some good girl-time and contagious laughter, exchanging stories of the struggles of motherhood and beyond, and of course, enjoying some yummy food. 

On Tuesday we had a french-toast/latte extravangza. There were five boys all within months of each other. Future warriors of truth and grace. They played, they hit, they laughed and chased each other. It was such precious moments to experience...their little personalities sprouting from within. It was wonderful. It was a cool morning and letting the boys explore outside was perfect. 

We put on a tractor movie in order to keep the boys on the couch. I think they liked that more than their crazy mama's trying to get their attention.

sweet Jude

this man loves his tractors and i was in the way.

baby girl Brynlee was there for the fun too. Poor girl amidst all those boys. Maybe we'll have a girl to join her?

the kiddos and their mama's.

Casen was so smooth with his model face.

blowing bubbles in the rain water

Lincoln, so sweet and friendly. When Jack hit him I kept asking Jack to say sorry and Lincoln would just say, "sorry, Lincoln. Sorry." haha.

Jack loves dogs...even if they run away from him.

Most mornings have looked like this:


And in the evening we try to take advantage of the breeze and beautiful sunsets.

the growing belly

Our boy is almost two. Where has the time gone?

What I'm looking forward to tonight? The season premiere of PARENTHOOD.

Welcome, Fall. I've missed you.

labor day

The last week has a been a bit heavy. Not very much for me, but for those around me. It's been so encouraging to see friends come alongside each other and carry grief and sadness and pain together. No matter what, painful trials are so difficult, but what beauty in sharing the load. To pray for peace that only Christ can bring and the closeness that He promises.

Jack's favorite spot. On his daddy's lap reading Car and Driver.

Jack has suddenly turned into a real little boy. The baby is nearly gone (despite the binky and diapers, mind you) but I feel his changes happening so quickly, it's hard to keep up. The words, the mimicking little voice, the giggling and running. We had my brother and his family and my parents up for the weekend. It was so great to see Jack adore having other kids around. He crawled with his younger cousin and raced cars with his older cousin. Any kid who wants to play? He is in. ...I think he might get that from me. ;)

Happy Birthday to Papa!

On Labor Day we played at a nearby park and watched the clouds roll in...

A great storm that came later.

A friend showed me this article and it made me smile. We're nearly halfway there with this pregnancy and in my heart of hearts, I know I don't really have a strong conviction about whether or not we have this little one all-natural like we did with Jack. Was it beautiful? Yes. Was he healthy? Yes, by God's grace. Was it traumatic? ...Um, yes. And here's my theory: there are adventure seekers who love a good roller coaster, jumping off of a cliff into freezing waters, camping in the middle of nowhere, rock climbing, para-sailing, skydiving, etc...the list goes on. They love the thrill of a risk and feel this empowerment of looking at a dangerous, scary, thrilling task and saying, "I got this. I can do this." and then they jump. And it's scary, but so awesome and so worth it. I admire these type of people and love being around them because they nudge me in the risky direction. I, however, am not that kind of person. Oh, how I wish I was. Growing up with two older brothers, I hated being the wimp who had to turn back because I was afraid of getting lost in exploring our woods, or having my cousin hike my back down the mountain because it was too high for me. Haha. I am just not a risk-taker. I barely made it to a very, very rustic cabin in Canada and I made John put up a tent in the cabin because I don't love mice or bats. I have learned a lot about myself over the years and have come to terms (and am really okay with) the fact that I don't enjoy risks. I like consistency and "safe" experiences. I like to laugh and joke and say things like, "I can do this." because believe it or not, some of the most simple, every day tasks are daunting to me and are still a 'lil scary. But Jesus has brought me a long. A long way.

and so, all that to say, I really loved giving birth to Jack without an epidural, but I don't think I'll do it again. I am ready to try a different avenue, and one that does not include traumatic nightmares afterward. Gotta love those risk-takers...and to be honest, I still feel like I am one, by just being a mama.