settling

There are a few things I am really loving right now…

First, the reveal of northern california fall. It's unlike anything I've experienced. The sun sets earlier each night and the leaves have started to change (i didn't even know it did that in california!) The mornings are cool and crisp and foggy and yet the days are still warm and sunny and shorts-worthy. I'm trying to soak in that sun (I realized my body has sort of adapted to needing it.)  I like to imagine that just beyond the houses and telephone wire is the ocean and the waves are raging. That's kind of what the air feels like, the water is just a couple miles away. (it's not, but a girl can dream, right?)

Next, I started going to Zumba at our local Y and what started as kind of a joke has turned into a renewed love for dancing. I never danced growing up so it's not second nature to me, but man. i have a serious love for dancing. i kept telling john that if they made an exercise class that was the equivalent to how much fun dancing at weddings is that i would be there! that's pretty much zumba. the teacher is so good and like most good teachers, their love for it is contagious and you can't help but laugh and smile the entire time sweat is literally pouring down your face. It's gross, but it's so fun. I never thought I would write that sentence.

I'm not quite sure what is happening but I think it's called settling in and it fits well. I am learning to love it here, crazy culture and all. But while we're there on the culture let me joke about a few things (because I seriously couldn't joke about it until now)

a, people, why do we have to be so rude? please smile more.
b, please don't make me bring my reusable bags into the stores. i forget every time and the cheap skate in me really hates having to buy a new one for .10
c, but yeah, thanks of that ocean view.

captivating

my parent's and sister came for a visit on labor day weekend. it was such a fun and relaxing weekend full of the beach, a fever for my Pop's, a birthday celebration, a lot of coffee, laughter and delicious food.

We found this beach where the otters were literally nearly swimming to the shore. They came so close to people (get out of the water, crazies!!) There were also pod of dolphins. So incredible.

this boy loves the ocean. once his body adjusts to the constant roar of the waves he settles in like a boy with his noise maker (he's slept with a noise maker since he was born.) and he just revels in the freedom to think and run and be on the sand. and he always finds a stick or seaweed or something.

Here is my dad who later that day would have a 101 fever (thanks to a little saliva gland infection) but he was a great sport and tried to make some memories despite his pain.

And dear sister Maggie who also got some time to reflect and be. 

see that little dot on the front right??? thats the otters! little family of them. 

a few weeks later we went back to a different beach and it was the first time i experienced what people describe as a spiritual experience and the ocean. i never quite believed them, but the beach was mostly empty and it was early enough to feel that cool breeze. the waves were strong and high and constant. john has taken the kids for a walk on the beach and i just sat and stared at the water. the waves never stopped raging with all their power and might. knowing that the water goes for miles and the kind of life that lives within those waters is something i can't comprehend. how can life be living in those waters and God still knows the depths of it? i found myself captivated by it's beauty and vastness and in awe of a God who can have that sort of control over the unpredictable and temperamental waves and yet He knows me and can love me with all my temperamental moods and emotions. I can't fathom that kind of love, I'm not capable of that kind of love. Directing the ocean and all it's beauty and still loving a quirky aging mama. Incredible.

This guy, who loves the ocean more than any one I've ever met, is well aware of the mystery and power of those waves. He has a healthy respect for it and won't go too near it but could stare at it for hours. 

to zoey

my little bird…

I feel like i've uncovered a great secret. i imagine you must miss your jack during the day when he is at school, but my, how i love spending the mornings with you. you are flourishing in your new one on one role and i love hearing your thoughts from across the room, at the store and from the carseat. i love hearing your little stories you create with your animals and the conversations you're creating. i love listening to you sing while you color (they go hand in hand, after all.) and watching your creations unfold as you paint.


I listened last week as you told me how you're ready to have your sister home from Haiti. That you miss her so much and want to tickle her little toes. You want to feed her and no one else can hold her. (your exact words.) I love how big your heart is, little one. So full, so overflowing, all the time.

I hugged you when you came running towards me at chick-fil-e when you buried your little face in my neck and sobbed because "no one wanted to be your friend." (which isn't exactly true since you had only been in there about five minutes.) but you still wept and your tender little sensitive heart nearly broke at the thought of not being liked. (oh, dear one, hang on tight. that's a tough weakness to have.)

i love seeing your brave face when you're scared, i love hearing you tell me "i shy." when the lady checking us out at sprouts says hi and waves.

you're so caring and protective of your older brother. you stand up for him if he's ever in trouble and sometimes that can backfire (like with that one babysitter. we won't talk about that.)

You are kind, strong, brave and beautiful. You love anything pink and sparkly and if there's a butterfly on it, you want to wear it. You love to imagine you're a puppy and Jack can talk you into doing most things, though when you're done playing cars for the hundredth time, you are done.

You hold your own and stand tall. I love you when you're tired, pouting or talking back. I love it when you cuddle up and ask me to sing "mine baby" (also known as baby mine) I love how you sing along and how I find you singing it to your stuffed animals. You almost know the words by heart now and I never knew you would love that song so much. I love how you love life, little one. You're a girl after my own heart. Never lose your sense of wonder, excitement and joy.

Thank you for showing me grace when I lose my temper and for still wanting to do the ugga-mugga nose tickle before bed. Always be yourself.

love,
Mama