2 Years

Today is Jack's second birthday. As in, two years ago right now I was recovering on a hospital bed, starring at my newborn little boy, chatting with the night nurses, relieved that the pain was over and yet in complete awe of what had just happened. John stayed with Jack while they bathed him and checked him from head to toe. I was so, so exhausted and all I remember was a friendly nurse (who we had bought most of our baby stuff from) was on call and came in to congratulate me. I was in such a weird state that all I remember was my eyes were crying, but I wasn't. I couldn't stop the tears from flooding my cheeks. I was seriously exhausted. 

Two years later, we are to today and Jack has the croup. We were up a lot last night trying to ease his cough. He's hoarse and clingy and wants to watch Cars all day. And today he did. Around 2am this morning I paced the steamy bathroom with him in my arms and prayed and thanked Jesus that we are the blessed ones to see this little guy grow. I can't believe how long his legs have grown and how his smile has turned from a round baby grin to this toddler expression that is filled with wonder and excitement for life. (Oh, and a regular tantrum as well.) Somehow he has survived two years (and somehow we have too ;) and I feel so honored to be his mama. 

Last night the three of us lay sleepless in bed, trying to coax Jack back to sleep. I was worrying (I can get a little carried away when I lose sleep) and John was calm. Oh, so calm. Jack sounded like his little throat was closing in and I was almost sure an ER visit was in our near future. I'd rest my hand on his chest and feel his little heart pounding, hard, trying to keep up. In the dead of night we heard a truck drive by and a hoarse, pacifier voice say "Truck? Truck."

"I think he's going to be fine." John mumbled. Back to bed Jack went and slept until 9 this morning. (Lovely!)

Even though his little birthday shin-dig had to be canceled, I was so thankful for my visiting parents, a "doe-doe" (donut) breakfast and a couple of presents to celebrate this little guy's life.

...

My dear goose,

Today you turned two. You ate a chocolate sprinkle donut and had us sing 'happy birthday' twice because you loved it so much. You didn't sleep well and still had a bad cough, but wanted only your "doe-doe" to eat all the same. You played trains and cars with your papa and requested to watch Cars all day long. Your party was canceled this year, but hopefully we'll celebrate next week.

You have discovered your little vocabulary and have so many opinions that I wonder how you've kept in this long. Your recent favorites are phrases like, "Mine." "Help, mama." "Daddy go?" " Mommydaddy." and other things you pick up from our random conversations. You are going to become a big brother in a few months and I can't wait to see you with your own little sibling. You love people (and kids as you call them) so much and a day doesn't go by that you request to play with someone. (That, you may or may not get from me. ;) You are full of life and energy and love your (two) cars. I can't believe how fast two years has gone, I feel like you've been in our lives forever. 

I am so glad I had you.

Last October I thought you were so big and growing so fast. I had no idea how much you would change in only one more year.

 

You and your daddy love your time together.  You guys make such a great team.

February was a little difficult for us as we lost a baby early on in the pregnancy. You were such a great reminder to me that God's timing is so perfect and His healing hand is so consistent. I am so, so thankful for the extra months we've had together just the two of us.

This coming February we will rejoice with the birth of your baby sister!

 

You love to help daddy with the coffee in the morning.

 

Where did this little boy come from? You changed so much (and got your first haircut.)

and here we are, in Michigan just a week ago. 

I pray you will use your strengths for His kingdom and that you will seek Jesus with your whole life. I pray for boldness, strength, discernment and protection.

Thanks for being you and keeping me on my toes. Sleep well tonight and heal up. I miss my silly goose.

Love,

Mama

the trip

...

We've arrived home from our trip to Michigan with a bad case of the croup. I've been kind of dreading the flu season to return, because every time is does, Jack finds it. Of course he's an active, hand-to-mouth sort of kid anyway, but here we are. Last year on his first birthday he got a bad cold + an ear infection so when we got home from our travels with a slightly runny nose and mild fever, my first thought was an ear infection. I took him to the doctor to find out his ears look lovely (praise Jesus!) but he just has a nasty cold. After 50+ times of waking up last night (ok, maybe not fifty) he was his active self by 9am this morn. At one point John brought him in bed with him and I got booted out (me and my belly need a little more room.) and within about 45 minutes I hear Jack ready to start the day...at 3am. Needless to say, the night was long and eventful and around 4am I couldn't fall back to sleep for the life of me. I thought, I planned, I made lists, I wrote emails in my head and replied to text messages. I finally had to tell myself to 'let it go and go to sleep. Or you'll regret it.' I'm not really looking forward to those last few weeks of pregnancy where everything is so uncomfortable that all you can do is pray that the night goes quickly. Then a newborn comes and sleep is a far, distant and forgotten dream. Oh, I'm ready people. A years worth of full night's sleep will that do that to a young woman.

I'm officially at 26 weeks and feeling a little large. The belly is lovely and the kicks are a delight, but the chubby cheeks and thick thighs can bring a girl down. I know it's a season, but it still doesn't keep me from looking at the scale with slight shock and dread. I'm already planning how to lose this baby weight though, and praying for grace to allow myself time. After Jack I felt such a rush to get back into my old cloths and feel my old self again. But if I'm honest with myself, I wish I would have just let it be for a few weeks while I settle into nursing and admiring this precious little being. I long to embrace each season (even the chunky ones) and know that this too shall pass, and how we look, though a choice, isn't everything. One of my favorite people and mentors often reminds me that we only get to be pregnant in life so many times, so enjoy it and live it up, girl.

Amen to that. And to the yummy goodies that this season holds. (Just kidding. I'm trying to refrain, I really am.)

...

I have so many reflections on our time in Michigan, but if I think/process them all I won't write this until Thanksgiving. So here's a quick low down on the trip. 

I so love being back in the Midwest. Waking with the late morning sun, watching clouds fill the sky for an entire day (a rarity here in AZ) seeing green grass, leaves at the end of driveways and pumpkins in front of every home (They aren't eaten/fried like here.) My heart soared at the smell of bonfires, fresh apple cider and family laughter with a bowl of popcorn. It's so good to be with John's family and hear their family stories and chat with John's mom about What Not To Wear and other favorite shows. 

Going back to where John grew up is like seeing a new piece of him each time. When we went to the church he grew up in there were countless ladies doting on how they saw him grow and he was their little one. He really is so lucky to have grown up in the same place and for his family to still live there. Having moved around a lot when I was younger I had the awesome advantage of meeting so many people and seeing life in different parts of the U.S., but I do sometimes long for that strange feeling of coming back to where you grew up and seeing people you grew up with. 

Jack's first flight since he was two months old. He did great!

Where I spent most of our getaway night. With the stomach flu.

Enjoying some real syrup

With my man on the ferry to Mackinac Island

My view from the bed (between pukes) Love this man.

The ferry ride

Our view most days. Lovely.

Welcome to Michigan!

Cousin time!

The flight home. Jack was so, so tired.

More to come...

fall days

The sound of pouring rain woke me up at 2am. Well, that and I really had to pee. 

It was breathtaking. The sound of the rain against the window, the wind whistling, and my man who couldn't seem to fall asleep. I opened the shades for a minute to see the rain through the street light, but quickly realized how tired I was and returned to bed instead. Sleep continued for me (and eventually for John) and when we awoke it was cold, sunny and wet. Oh, fall. There you are.

I've been trying to keep up with this blog, but haven't done a very good job. Mostly because during nap time I have a list of other projects (or some days just starring out the window at the rainy clouds) because, seriously people, in about four months these nap times will look so different and I'd be lying if I didn't say, I will miss them immensely. I love naptime. I love Jack and love watching him grow, discover and change, but I do love the few hours he sleeps in the afternoon and the moments of solace it brings. After nausea passed during this trimester and I regained my energy, I realized something. I sometimes enjoy doing absolutely nothing. This wasn't a real surprise to me, but I shared it with my task-oriented husband semi-wondering if that was okay. He said it was. ;) 

A few things I've loved this last month...

This trailer: from the director of Billy Elliot? Awesome. Be prepared to choke up a little.

This song: Coldplay was in my dream last night and in my sleepy state I was trying to remember this song and hear it live. I didn't do it justice, but this song is so, so good. Oh, and Chris Martin was totally a normal guy in my dream. Just sayin'. I love the "It was a wa-wa-wa-wa-waterfall." part.

Also, loving this song:




So raw and real. And easy to get stuck in the head.


So good.


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Our little family is growing. Yesterday we took this family shot before John left for work and I still feel so shocked to see this little boy in John's arms. He's growing so fast. Please excuse his bathtub haircut that I didn't really do well. ;) So crazy to think next year at this time, Lord willing, we'll have a baby girl in our arms too!

With fall officially arriving, we've lit a lot of Autumn and Leaves scented candles and eaten a lot of chicken pot pies. Yummmm.

Last week we finally got Jack's hand me down playset up and running in the back yard. He digs it. And his car, of course.

Sliding with Grandma and Papa might be one of his most favorite things.

And playing chalk with Grandma. She did an outline of his body and he thought it was the coolest thing. "Jack! Jack!" He kept saying and pointing at the outline. 

And this is our boy, most mornings. He loves his Caillou some days more than his cars. As an avid movie lover, it's really entertaining for me to see my boy love a tv show much. So many of my favorite movies/shows spurred on my imagination as a kid. I spent countless hours pretending I was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, Little Mermaid, Laura Ingalls and so many more.

I don't know if Jack dreams of being Caillou, but he sure does think Caillou is fun. That's enough for now. 

//

Me and the little squirt inside are at 23 weeks. Wow. Halfway there and only a few more weeks left of the second trimester. I'm starting to feel huge and try not to regularly weigh myself, but oh how I love feeling her kick, squirm when I lay down and get kisses from Jackboy. And occasionally smacks as well. All in love, people.

We are still talking about names, but really love the name Zoey Evelyn. We've discussed/argued over the spelling of the name and although I love the idea of spelling it Zoë, I just don't know if I can do it. but with the way our future is headed and how dominate computer stuff is, I don't want the poor girl to have to continually do something weird on the keyboard in order to spell her own name. (Yes, that is one of my reasons. May sound crazy, but true.) And Zoey is cute, short and hopefully there won't be a lot of questions on how to pronounce her name. Maybe. And Evelyn is my grandma's name and John's great aunt's name. It has a lovely ring to it. We'll see.


So thankful for good friends who are on this journey of mamahood with you.