.. from mel ..

She is here!

2012-02-08T16:04:00.001-07:00

Well, one week ago today that is.

Our little Zoey Evelyn was born last Wednesday morning at 4:35am weighing in at 6lbs 14oz. She was a full two pounds smaller than her brother Jack. They share a similar look, but Zoey is just a mini version of him. She is so petite; even her cry is petite. We are very much falling in love with her and treasuring these early days.

Jack is handling it...well. He loves on her and asks for her every time he wakes up. He also loves to rub her head with the palm of his hand and give her tiny kisses. He doesn't love having his daddy hold her, however, and that's been the hardest part thus far. He's also developed a raspy cough, which kind of scares me. It didn't take long for real life to jump into the newborn bliss. I'm praying Zoey doesn't get it and praying that Jack heals up quickly.

The birth was truly wonderful. As soon as it was over I felt ready to do it again. I do think that the two pound difference between Jack and Zoey helped a bit too. ;) I got an incredible epidural (though that was probably the scariest part) and she was born within a few hours from when we got to the hospital.

Our little family of four is settling in nicely and I feel like I'm kind of on a baby high. A feeling I didn't really experience with Jack. I loved him and being a new mama, but was scared out of my mind. This time around is better. Smoother. Less terrifying. Something I've prayed for for the last nine months. Thank you, Jesus. My cup runneth over.

Monsoon

2012-01-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

Well, once again, it's been too long, old blog.

I guess I've been hoping that our little one would arrive and then I would have something exciting to write about.

 ...but she hasn't.

Sure, I could write about the wonderful playdates this week, or the dinners that I thought might 'be my last before giving birth.' (bad idea, FYI. But I'm all about the last-time-before-life-changes moments)

Or, I could document the moments of panic of thinking, "oh no. I have to give birth again." but that fades with the hope of a successful epidural and swift delivery.

My sweet little niece Juniper is growing so quickly! I can't believe she's already a week old!

I should have written about how precious Jack has been and although his naps have somehow shortened this week, I am loving every second we get to share. I'm somehow learning to love this kiddo more and more each day. Like right now, he's also cozied up to me like a little bear in our bed. John snores softly and Zoey kicks/turns her shoulders/I don't know but it's kinda uncomfortable. I have found the blogger app and write in the dark because, hello, it's a Saturday morning at 7am. We like to pretend we get to sleep in.

I should have also written about my incredible man and how he took the morning off yesterday so we could go on a date one last time. We saw the movie Hugo (absolutely incredible and beautiful and inspiring) and in the middle of the movie I got a little starving (no surprise there.) John returned with a pretzel and reece pieces in hand and we snacked away like two teenagers. After the 10am movie (best time to see a movie, in my opinion) we were off to lunch and some coffee with a good book. It was a time I won't forget.

Those days will be missed. For a little while anyway. Not that that they happen regularly or that life can't go on without them, but man. It sure is nice to get away with the one you love. I've learned that I love any kind of afternoon dates compared to evening dates. I just get too sleepy in the evenings. I have so much to say first thing in the morning (obviously. Its only 7:07am.)

I reckon that might be all I would/should have written about in the last week. I'd try to leave out the occasional meltdowns of wondering "will she ever be born?" or the painful contractions that caused frustration and fear-of-whats-to-come. Those times are good to be forgotten and didn't help much anyway.

But here we are, the last Saturday in January, a day I've looked forward to for many, many months. Hopefully, this time next week we will have met our little Zoey bird. I feel ready. In fact, I'm kind of out of stuff to do and everything on my list is done. To which John asked, "do you want something from my list?" or "we don't need to spend any more money." he generally is saying one of the two. ;)

Maybe I should savor this time. The calm before a storm. A beautiful, mid-July, whirlwind of a monsoon kind of storm. Like most summer days in Arizona, I can't wait for that monsoon.

one down. one to go.

2012-01-20T06:47:00.001-07:00

My brother and his wife had their baby this morning at 2am! After a very long labor, she finally arrived and is as cute as can be.

I woke up a few times last night in hopeful anticipation that she would be here. Only this morning did we finally see her little, perfect face. Juniper Rose, in all her beauty.

She's just perfect!

Once my sister in law Mel (yes, her name is Melanie too) had her kiddo I knew I was next. The reality of that sentence freaks me out/fills me with so much excitement I can't even sleep. And its only 6:50am and for the first time in WEEKS, Jack is still asleep. Why is it that when he sleeps in, I can't? Ps. My stomach is growwwlling right now.

I am seriously large at this point and feeling so ready. I've been having a lot of contractions, but trying not to get my hopes up. I have a doctor appointment this morning and pretty much counting on her to say, "you are barely a one." but I can hope for more, right?

nearly there

2012-01-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

So, I think we are on the home stretch. 37 weeks.

I am feeling so, so ready. and huge. Oh, did I mention huge?

On Friday I had THREE different strangers comment on how big I am.

#1 said: "Wow, I bet you can't wait until that's over." To which I ignored and kept walking.

#2 said: (after looking at me and whispering something to his wife. who then went and picked up a snickers candy bar." they looked back at me again and she said, "yeah, she was even bigger than her."

#3 was an over weight guy with a family and his wife who commented (in the same line) "wow! she is HUGE!"

Ok, okay, I get it. Alright? I am large. But seriously? A little respect for the pregnant peeps? Can we say something like,

"Oh mam, you look exhausted. Can I carry out your groceries for you? Oh, and how about I just pay for them too."

or

"Wow, mama, you look tired. Do you want some free cookies?"

Thankfully, the Lord knows my tender, hormonal heart and brought forth a delightful cure on Sunday afternoon.

After a frustrating morning with Jack (mostly because he can outrun, out jump, out kick and out energize me these days) and a long morning without John, I drove home solo and stopped in at Safeway for some shampoo, eye liner and root beer.

When I walked in, everyone smiled like we were in a Disney movie or something. I felt like Belle in the beginning of Beauty and the Beast. Best part? When I walked up to the Starbucks island to FREE mocha frappachino samples. It was heavenly. Just what I needed. The nice stranger next to me said, "You should take two, mama! Enjoy!" I declined (mostly because Pizza hut was waiting around the corner) but also because one was just enough.

Oh yeah, and the shampoo and eyeliner were on sale, yo! It's the little things. Truly.

I feel like a planning maniac these days. Now that I've spent almost two months worth of our grocery budget worth (hey, I'm skipping February all together this year. I'm hoping to not go to the store unless it is for cabbage leaves or nursing pads.) I am beginning to feel ready. To settle into this idea that in just a couple of weeks time I'll be snuggling a fresh, little newborn. So tiny and beautiful. So prayed for and anticipated. Also, so loved. I've started in on my raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil capsules and can hardly believe I'm already at 37 weeks. The time has just flown.

Jack got to meet his first real newborn last week. A friend of mine had a baby boy and we went up to meet him. Of course Jack wanted to touch his eyes and nose and face, but he also didn't seem overzealous about the idea. At least he didn't hit him. I'm not kidding. And somehow I could help him put tires back on his car and hold this little swaddled being at the same time. I was so encouraged.

Some of my last month craving are:

-anything with cinnamon. preferably red hots or hot tamales. yum.

-greek yogurt with a little bit of nutella mixed in. hello.

-slices of mild chedder cheese. still. kills me.

-clementines. i've downed so many of those guys.

-cinnamon chex cereal.

-all sorts of soups.

still not lovin'...

mexican food

salsa

or anything with too much kick to it.

//

I've declined the impossible responsibility to do a 366 picture a day this year. it's just not the year. I am attempting to do a 366 on instagram with my phone, but those pictures are more for fun. I'm going to just try and take pictures, period.

....still thinking of goals and dreams for this next coming year. last year the goal ended up becoming quite a bit more of a reality that I have anticipated. I love it when Jesus works that way.

that post is in the making...

//

On Saturday morning we had a full breakfast and a nice sleep in. Well, for John and I. Jack was up at 6am. Per usual. We just keep on sleeping. Or at least we try to.

I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge how I'll miss the three of us. So thankful for the foundation that has been set, but sad to see our time as a trio leave. I'm so nostalgic.

I pray that they can continue to have a deep bond that lasts a lifetime. That they're a safe place for each other full of acceptance and grace.

This boy loves his do-do's. Oh, and also sitting in a 'big-boy chair.'

a whirlwind.

2012-01-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

I apologize so greatly for my inconsistency of writing on this 'ol blog. I had high hopes for writing more random and fun things, but I'm afraid I might still be inconsistent this year. That's alright. I blame it mostly on the fact that our computer doubles as our tv and so blogging time is mostly limited to evenings (when we are watching some of our fav shows) or nap time (which has kind of gotten shorter as of late.) But here we are. 2012. Our little Zoey bird is due in 28 days. My heart is so full (and so is my womb) and sleep has become a distant dream of the past. I definitely feel like I am gearing up for those sleepless nights once again.

But this time, I pray that I will savor those late night feedings. I hope I don't cry in frustration at the lack of sleep (and lack of help from my hubby who can't nurse a newborn. Who knew?) and try to embrace each moment and the quiet times with them. Because it goes so quickly and I can hardly believe Jack was ever that little.

On that note, I am making a daring attempt to do a 366 project this year.

Bear with me, for it probably won't happen. But I can dream. Right?

We'll see how far I get by January 31st. Go here to follow my 355 journey.

//

Christmas was magical. Though, being nine months pregnant wasn't quite as magical, but it sure helped me to identify with Mary. Man oh man. I don't think I could do it on a camel, I honestly know I couldn't. I am such a wimp.

We got snow early this year and it was just incredible.

In preparation for a baby sister, I've been trying to make Jack feel like a big boy as much as possible. My favorite? Whenever we go somewhere to eat he says, "big boy chair? big boy chair?" 

I taught my kiddo all I know on how to eat cookies. And lots of them this year. I loved watching him play with his little Christmas cookie before he ate it.  

 And Zoey bird? Growing like crazy...and so is the rest of me. Sigh.

 Christmas morning was relaxing for the most part. Although we went to church and then to my parents after that, we tried to let the morning take its time. It went too fast. Per usual.

 MnM's. One of his top five favorite Christmas gifts, easily.

His other favorite may have been this gift. A dear couple in our church blessed Jack with this (a Christmas gift that will never be beat in our home.) and he. was. in. heaven. So fun to see his face (and John's too.) 

Then we headed to my parents for some cousin love and delicious food.

Oh, and how Jack loves his baths lately. Please excuse his boogers.

This was last year and here is this year. I can't believe how fast they grow! Please slow down, little one.

This picture of Jack cracks me up.

Some for real Christmas-cousin love right here!

Dad and Jack with the airplane. Can hardly believe this is Jack's third Christmas.

I love seeing Jack change, but my dad stays the same. 

 They are two peas in a pod, they are. 

//

After Christmas, my dear cousin and his wife came up for an afternoon visit. The boys played outside and later we enjoyed a delicious pizza dinner. Boys are so fun.

Precious Noah.

For New Years, a dear high school BFF friend and her hubby came in town for a weekend visit. My goodness, was it fun! Too short, but just enough time to catch up and share plenty of laughs. So thankful for old and dear friends.

 Yup, I'm large, ya'll.

//

By Monday, our little family was back to their routine. We played outside and Jack enjoyed his ten dollar wagon (thank you after-Christmas Goodwill!) with his daddy. He was obsessed with finding a way to make it a trailer.

"Bye, bye Mama!" He shouts.

Johnny did his best with what was on hand. a big stick.

With December so quickly gone and Zoey's arrival swiftly approaching, I am finding myself up at 3am once again making lists in my head and imagining cuddling our little girl. We are so excited. 

When Jack was born we were excited, but had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. With Zoey, we feel prepared, ready, excited, and a little scared all at once. Sometimes I wonder if I'll treat Jack differently because it's always just been me and him and we have a way of doing things. But then I imagine the friendship that the two of them will share and my worries diminish. Siblings really are some of the best friends.

I just can't wait.

Home stretch!

2011-12-16T14:30:00.001-07:00

This week, Zoey decided to turn head down. To prepare for labor. To get ready to greet the world with her little person. It's really happening.

The last few weeks have been both uncomfortable and painful as she was a little late to be lying transverse. After much, much prayer, praying for trust, a little bit of puslatilla, some serious lunges off the side of the couch, crawling on my hands and knees, and lots of walking she decided to get her rear in gear (literally.) So thankful and relieved that she's comfortable.

Last night I saw this movie for the second time. And it was great. This song is so beautiful and I find myself listening to it whenever I can. It's so simple and true. It also takes me back to my honeymoon and the magical moments with the man I love. Sometimes I miss those days, but mostly I can't wait for the adventures ahead and the getaways we'll have. Post babies, of course. :)

We also watched this movie the other night. It was so, so good. I highly recommend it! Kept us thinking for days. The story was fiction, but on true history, but oh so good.

and too bad I'll have a little one when this movie comes out. But can't wait to see it, none the less.

december moments

2011-12-13T14:08:00.001-07:00

December is flying by.

I am trying to enjoy each day of the month and attempting to do something special with the family. Mostly because I love Christmas so much, but also to treasure these last few weeks before Zoey arrives.

Over the weekend we ran errands and spent the afternoon trying to coax Jack into taking a nap. He wasn't havin' it. So, we went In-N-Out, to the mall and let him walk and run as much as he could (and as much as I could.) It was one of my favorite days ever. It's so great to laugh with John and share jokes that you can only share with someone who you have known forever. And oh, how I love it that I've known him for how long I have. I love new friends, but I treasure, value and am loyal to those that I've known for years and years. It's like the friendship just gets better and better (though sometimes, true to life, it goes the other way) but for the most part old friends seem to just get better with each year. John is one of those friends. I really loved him when we got married, but I knew once our relationship seasoned more and more (we only knew each other for 9 months) that our friendship would deepen and ripen with time. It's such a great journey and I can't believe I get to spend the rest of life with him!

All that to say, I had this moment as I drove the car to get new tires on Saturday. It was this brief, but so real, memory of living in Ukraine and spending Christmas alone with below freezing temperatures and in a country that shoots off fireworks for New Years and does very little for Christmas. I was loving the adventure, but couldn't help but feel really homesick for the future and for Christmas' spent with my love and a family of our own. I remember listening to this song with my iPod (a different version, but I like Michael's best. Of course.) and singing it in my head as loud as I could, praying for the man that was meant to be, wherever he was. Little did I know that the following Christmas I would be spending it with John and in Michigan with his family. It was such a beautiful and subtle reminder that Jesus' timing is so much better than ours and He truly hears our heart's. It made me so, so thankful for John and for our marriage and friendship and that he is a better man that I could ever have ever imagined (and I have a great imagination) and that he gets to be the daddy to our kiddos.

Michael Buble'. Gets me every time.

//

Kind of the biggest bummer of this last week was that our Zoey bird is in a very uncomfortable position. According to each ultrasound and my most recent appointment, she is transverse. Which means she's lying across my stomach rather than head down where she should be at 33 weeks. It. is. painful. Most days are really uncomfortable and I find myself dreading the nights, but I decided a few days ago to trust that Jesus will turn her. I've had my share of panic moments of wondering if she will turn? Will I have a c-section? Why is she transverse? But, like the first trimester of both of my pregnancies, that waiting and trusting time is challenging, but beautiful all at once. As soon as the fear comes to my mind I just pray and ask Jesus to help me to choose to trust, because on my own. I can't. But He is oh so faithful. I still feel worry creeping up often, but try to just trust and pray because I am running out of ideas and standing on my head off the side of the couch is getting old. ;)

Can you tell the little booger isn't lying the way she should be? Ouch, and ouch I tell you. But praise Jesus for each kick and....intense nudge.

//

The reality that it will only be the three of us for a little while longer is upon us. And Jackboy is finally coming to terms/understanding the reality that a little sister holds. Er, kind of.

//

Last weekend we had a huge snow storm and don't you know it, I took full advantage of the weather and made a lot of cookie dough and watched Holiday Inn. Oh, it was lovely.

The snow didn't last long, but was truly magical while it did. It snowed again last night, but has turned into a slushy mess by morning. Now it is officially raining over the snow.

Oh, these two. Two peas in a pod, I tell you. They are so much fun.

//

Jack has his 'favorite car' and he has named him 'Red.' He wants to sleep with him each night and during his nap and when he isn't found in the morning, panic arises. 'Favorite car, favorite car!" he says again and again. This is Red, shielded carefully in all his glory. I can't help but be reminded of Red from Shawshank Redemption and as soon as Jack named his car that, that's instantly what I thought of. The fact that he says "favorite car' and has named it fills me with such joy I can't even express it.

2011-11-30T14:04:00.001-07:00

I am really enjoying this show.

For anyone who loves fairy tales and misses Lost. You might enjoy this. There are four episodes on hulu and we've already watched them all. 

tis the season

2011-11-29T13:43:00.001-07:00

I am such a sucker for Christmas music. Oh, my goodness. I could/and do listen to it year round.

This year, these are some of my favs:

I love me some good music.

I'm also a sucker for seasonal items. Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash? Hello! Peppermint marshmallows? Too much fun. Thankfully, Jack can enjoy it this year too.

After a pretty sickly last week our fam is on the mend. Our poor kiddo had an ear infection and bad sore throat. Just in time for Thanksgiving. The day before we got him some antibiotics and by Thanksgiving morn he was on the mend. I, however, picked up his little bug and felt pretty poor. These pregnancy immune systems, I tell you what. I've been more sick during this pregnancy with Zoey than I have been since my high school days when I had mono. For reals. Not sure why.

Our little bird seems to be perched in this strangest of places inside me. I feel like she's lying sideways and often feel little fingers (or maybe toes) in my lower regions and it feels like there is a gang of mice scurrying about. I don't remember this weird feeling with Jack and am feeling kind of stretched in ways I wasn't before. Particularly when she stretches out, which is often. Oh, little one. I do love it, it's just kind of weird. I can't wait to meet her. We saw her last Monday on our 3D ultrasound. She was hugging the placenta like it was a lovey and we could hardly get a good look at her face (every ultrasound she's been in a weird place.) That was okay with me. Through the blurry picture (the camera had to go through the placenta to see her face) I was just thankful to see her. Watch her yawn, see her stick out her tongue and open her eyes. What a wonderful miracle.

Here's a blurry shot of her face. The placenta is right in front of her, but wow. There she is. Alive and well. Praise Jesus. Little eyes, nose, mouth, hand in front of her eye. She's a little person! Getting ready to grace the word with her presence.

Also, Jack has been sick a lot this season. Praying that December and January are infection free.

Thanksgiving was really lovely. It was spent at my parent's house with my mom's parents, brother and his wife and their little guy. It was so relaxing and I even watched Miracle on 34th Street for the first time. I loved it. What have I been missing out on?

I did miss out on taking pictures because I forgot my camera...and spent most of the day on the couch anyway. Jesus knew that a sore throat may or may not have been the only thing to keep me from eating too much on Thanksgiving day.

I tried to make up for it when we got home.

Who is this little boy and where did my baby go? The below picture is from 2010, not 2011.

John showing Jack how to explore the tree house.

And this is how we spent this morning.  Watching Frosty with friends, in too-warm-for-December weather and loving this moment.

beginning to look a lot like Christmas

2011-11-15T13:25:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately. I'm going crazy organizing different rooms in the house and binging a lot of things I don't need/haven't needed for a really long time. It feels great. I don't think I nested when I was pregnant with Jack, so whatever this is feels kind of weird. But really fun.

I brought Christmas a little early this year. Mostly because a dear friend gave us a new tree and I wanted to see how it looked propped in the corner of the room with all it's twinkling white beauty. It looks so comfortable and cozy and like a little safe haven. At night, John and I relax next to it and it feels like a little nest built just for us. We are loving it. 

Thanks to the help of another dear friend we repainted a couple of dressers to put in Jack's room. They turned out really great! I've been sorting through Jack's newborn clothes and trying to share the love with other friends who are having little boys. Somehow ;), little Zoey has acquired a lot of clothes (all second hand, which is a good thing) but a part of me chuckles and wonders if she will always have a lot of clothes? John seems to think that it's not surprise when a girl has a lot of clothes (Huh?) It's kind of inspiring, really. As of right now, John and I's closet space is pretttty much 50/50. Perhaps I should live up to his expectations. One day. When buying itty bitty baby girl things isn't more fun than dressing a pregnant 26 year old. Aka, never.

The last couple of weeks have been busy and I find my internal comfort clock running out. I know in about another month I will be pretty massive and fairly uncomfortable so I'm trying to do all the things I love to do (ie, sit on the floor and sleep on my back) before things get too uncomfortable. I do feel so different in this pregnancy than with Jack and am reminded, once again, that I can do a lot more than I think. The human body is really incredible and what I thought would be too straining or cause contractions has only given me some sore muscles and an occasional achy back. I have, however, run out of room to rock Jack. He defers to his crib these days and doesn't want to snuggle much at all. 

But, oh, how hearing his sweet new words is like music to my soul. He fills our day with words like, "Help you, mama" (help me!) and "Tank you, mama. Love you, mama." Every sentence ending in either a "Mamadaddy" combo or just plain, "mama" or better yet, "daddy." I try to remind him who I am, but sometimes we are seen as one, I guess. He's also learned more colorful phrases like, "Mine!" and "No night-night." and "Oh, man!" He's becoming a little parrot and tends to repeat our phrases. My current phrase is when I say to John, "Hey babe??" Jack repeats it over and over until he finds John. So precious.

//

Today I was reminded how much the dynamics of Jack and I's relationships will change when Zoey arrives. I love having play dates and spending time with friends (sometimes I enjoy this a little more than Jack, I think.) But I was reminded today of the beauty of embarking on an adventure just the two of us. To look at the fish at Petco. To share popcorn and stroll around Target. To giggle and laugh together and let him walk like a big boy. And is he ever big. This little person that used to snuggle so close and take twenty minutes to rock to sleep has become this boy who kicks in the cart and talks about each car and truck that we pass. I know it's only been two years, but it feels like so much longer. I treasure these days where we open the string cheesed in the cart (because we can) and talk about the raven that is landed by our car. Jack was so fascinated with the bird and kept asking if the bird was crying. This kid gets me every time.

//

A couple weekends ago we celebrated Jack's birthday with some good friends (and lots of delicious donuts.) Here are just a few snapshots from the day.

Instead of a cake we opted for a donut cake. Jack loooooves his donuts. Plus we have this really great local donut shop down the street and we go pretty much every Saturday. It's great to support the local places and their donuts are the best I have ever had.

The Birthday boy!

It even snowed on his day!

One of Jack's favorite friends, Addison.

Favorite shot of the day. I think Jack tried to eat the candle. That's his "I don't like that taste" face.

Loves his sprinkles. Like his mama.

love balloons.

To make the day a real party kind of day, we later dressed up and headed over for my dear friend's 29th Roaring 20's Birthday Bash! It was so.much.FUN!

Everyone dressed up and it was a great mix of husbands and wives and older and younger ladies. We have a Monday night Bible study that we do with some of the older ladies.

Some of the girls.

Some of the wise golden girls.

Happy Birthday, Keri!

Large and in charge!

Keri and her man, Orion.

It really was a great way to end a celebration filled day. But man, I wasn't prepared for how tired I would be the next day. Still tired from that weekend. Just kiddin'.

So thankful for good friends, beautiful weather and a two year old who is over his cold. Ready for Christmas? You bet.

moments

2011-11-02T20:59:00.003-07:00

Typically, Jack doesn't really want me to rock him to sleep anymore. He prefers daddy almost every time and when I do rock him it isn't for very long. Tonight, he wanted some seriously snuggle time. John is at a meeting and it's just me and Jackboy. We rocked, we sang, we laughed and I felt myself holding back tears as I realized that these moments will become less and less. Already Jack has to share my lap with his little sister and she's taking up more and more room. He's hunched over my belly, with a truck in one hand and his blanky in the other, rocking back and forth like he's hugging a balloon or something. His little sister is kicking up a storm, but I don't mind. It's kind of like it's just the three of us, hanging out. A foreshadowing of what's to come. Except for there may not be enough room on my lap to rock both of them to sleep.

There are so many moments with Jack that I love, but rocking him to sleep is one of my top five, easily. Most of his day is spent from one thing to the next, barely stopping for an occasional tickle or comforting hug. He's not just saying "up" anymore, but telling me about the cars and trucks outside, that he wants to color and eat a snack. Today, for the first time, when he hugged my sister he said, "squuuueeeeze burrger." (which is a saying my dad always said to us growing up when he gave us a hug.) It was so precious.

The moments of carrying him across the parking lot, rocking him to sleep, and his cry to hold him when he gets hurt are so quickly passing by. I know they aren't meant to last forever (praise Jesus!) and yet today they are so constant, so everyday life. I pray to treasure each moment just a little more, especially as the reality of it becoming the four of us draws nearer. These last two years with just me and Jack have been such a blessing and it makes me slightly envious of all those first-borns out there. Oh, I know they have other issues, but come on. It must have been great (too bad most can't remember it.) Today, Jack wanted a "group hug" with me and John and once again I was reminded how much his world will be rocked when Zoey comes along in February.

...

Here's a few snapshots from his birthday over the weekend.

Our two year old with a yummy chocolate donut.

Oh, and my sweet cousins (leslie and arica) stopped by with Leslie's little guy, Ender. Arica is fanning away his stinky diaper and I just love his little face. So good to see those guys!

Jackboy loves his cars.

 Fall has stumbled up on. Love the changes.

Halloween Eve my sister and I carved pumpkins and watched The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. I kind of may have wanted it to be affair, but...didn't happen. John gave Jack a bath instead. Didn't stop me.

 After a couple battles with a so sleepy-still recovering two year old, we opted out of the Thomas costume or the Girrafe costume and settled for a Lumber Jack instead. Glad we did because he looked too cute.

Last year. 2010.

This year. 2011.

Jack, with his little pal Ellie.

...

I wrote a bit about our trip to Michigan, but hadn't posted the pictures. Here's a few from our adventures in John's homeland.

Jack and his cousin Caleb. Jack still talks about him. Why do cousins have to live so far away? (story of my life)

our getaway/flu trip to Mackinac Island. It was so beautiful. Cold, quiet and perfect to stay snuggled in a room. It reminded me so much of Bible school in England.

Our trip to the Pumpkin Patch that lasted about....45 minutes. Jack was a little over stimulated, or two. Same difference.

He literally pulled John's hand everywhere. I just laughed and took the pictures. John has kind of reached his limit.

He slowed down enough to see the chickens

and eat two whole donuts. Yum.

Later that day (while Jack napped. Sorry, kiddo.) We went to a beautiful apple orchard to pick apples (or eat, whichever) and breath in fresh fall air.

Where we dream of taking family pictures next year. 

 John, demonstrating to me how I should pose.

The best I could do.

 Our precious nephews and niece. Such a joy to get to see them.

 John's sweet parents. We enjoyed a lot of laughter and time with family (and bowls of popcorn.)

Goodbye hugs all around.

This pictures cracks me up. That's all.

Evening singing with the VanTrapp---er, Dickerson fam. Such fun! 

Jack, last year at the pumpkin patch.

This year he still loves tractors. John did get a new fleece, which is a plus.

2 Years

2011-10-29T23:02:00.001-07:00

Today is Jack's second birthday. As in, two years ago right now I was recovering on a hospital bed, starring at my newborn little boy, chatting with the night nurses, relieved that the pain was over and yet in complete awe of what had just happened. John stayed with Jack while they bathed him and checked him from head to toe. I was so, so exhausted and all I remember was a friendly nurse (who we had bought most of our baby stuff from) was on call and came in to congratulate me. I was in such a weird state that all I remember was my eyes were crying, but I wasn't. I couldn't stop the tears from flooding my cheeks. I was seriously exhausted. 

Two years later, we are to today and Jack has the croup. We were up a lot last night trying to ease his cough. He's hoarse and clingy and wants to watch Cars all day. And today he did. Around 2am this morning I paced the steamy bathroom with him in my arms and prayed and thanked Jesus that we are the blessed ones to see this little guy grow. I can't believe how long his legs have grown and how his smile has turned from a round baby grin to this toddler expression that is filled with wonder and excitement for life. (Oh, and a regular tantrum as well.) Somehow he has survived two years (and somehow we have too ;) and I feel so honored to be his mama. 

Last night the three of us lay sleepless in bed, trying to coax Jack back to sleep. I was worrying (I can get a little carried away when I lose sleep) and John was calm. Oh, so calm. Jack sounded like his little throat was closing in and I was almost sure an ER visit was in our near future. I'd rest my hand on his chest and feel his little heart pounding, hard, trying to keep up. In the dead of night we heard a truck drive by and a hoarse, pacifier voice say "Truck? Truck." 

"I think he's going to be fine." John mumbled. Back to bed Jack went and slept until 9 this morning. (Lovely!)

Even though his little birthday shin-dig had to be canceled, I was so thankful for my visiting parents, a "doe-doe" (donut) breakfast and a couple of presents to celebrate this little guy's life.

...

My dear goose,

Today you turned two. You ate a chocolate sprinkle donut and had us sing 'happy birthday' twice because you loved it so much. You didn't sleep well and still had a bad cough, but wanted only your "doe-doe" to eat all the same. You played trains and cars with your papa and requested to watch Cars all day long. Your party was canceled this year, but hopefully we'll celebrate next week.

You have discovered your little vocabulary and have so many opinions that I wonder how you've kept in this long. Your recent favorites are phrases like, "Mine." "Help, mama." "Daddy go?" " Mommydaddy." and other things you pick up from our random conversations. You are going to become a big brother in a few months and I can't wait to see you with your own little sibling. You love people (and kids as you call them) so much and a day doesn't go by that you request to play with someone. (That, you may or may not get from me. ;) You are full of life and energy and love your (two) cars. I can't believe how fast two years has gone, I feel like you've been in our lives forever. 

I am so glad I had you.

Last October I thought you were so big and growing so fast. I had no idea how much you would change in only one more year.

You and your daddy love your time together. You guys make such a great team.

February was a little difficult for us as we lost a baby early on in the pregnancy. You were such a great reminder to me that God's timing is so perfect and His healing hand is so consistent. I am so, so thankful for the extra months we've had together just the two of us.

This coming February we will rejoice with the birth of your baby sister! 

You love to help daddy with the coffee in the morning.

Where did this little boy come from? You changed so much (and got your first haircut.)

and here we are, in Michigan just a week ago. 

I pray you will use your strengths for His kingdom and that you will seek Jesus with your whole life. I pray for boldness, strength, discernment and protection. 

Thanks for being you and keeping me on my toes. Sleep well tonight and heal up. I miss my silly goose.

Love,

Mama

the trip

2011-10-28T14:59:00.000-07:00

...

We've arrived home from our trip to Michigan with a bad case of the croup. I've been kind of dreading the flu season to return, because every time is does, Jack finds it. Of course he's an active, hand-to-mouth sort of kid anyway, but here we are. Last year on his first birthday he got a bad cold + an ear infection so when we got home from our travels with a slightly runny nose and mild fever, my first thought was an ear infection. I took him to the doctor to find out his ears look lovely (praise Jesus!) but he just has a nasty cold. After 50+ times of waking up last night (ok, maybe not fifty) he was his active self by 9am this morn. At one point John brought him in bed with him and I got booted out (me and my belly need a little more room.) and within about 45 minutes I hear Jack ready to start the day...at 3am. Needless to say, the night was long and eventful and around 4am I couldn't fall back to sleep for the life of me. I thought, I planned, I made lists, I wrote emails in my head and replied to text messages. I finally had to tell myself to 'let it go and go to sleep. Or you'll regret it.' I'm not really looking forward to those last few weeks of pregnancy where everything is so uncomfortable that all you can do is pray that the night goes quickly. Then a newborn comes and sleep is a far, distant and forgotten dream. Oh, I'm ready people. A years worth of full night's sleep will that do that to a young woman.

I'm officially at 26 weeks and feeling a little large. The belly is lovely and the kicks are a delight, but the chubby cheeks and thick thighs can bring a girl down. I know it's a season, but it still doesn't keep me from looking at the scale with slight shock and dread. I'm already planning how to lose this baby weight though, and praying for grace to allow myself time. After Jack I felt such a rush to get back into my old cloths and feel my old self again. But if I'm honest with myself, I wish I would have just let it be for a few weeks while I settle into nursing and admiring this precious little being. I long to embrace each season (even the chunky ones) and know that this too shall pass, and how we look, though a choice, isn't everything. One of my favorite people and mentors often reminds me that we only get to be pregnant in life so many times, so enjoy it and live it up, girl.

Amen to that. And to the yummy goodies that this season holds. (Just kidding. I'm trying to refrain, I really am.)

...

I have so many reflections on our time in Michigan, but if I think/process them all I won't write this until Thanksgiving. So here's a quick low down on the trip. 

I so love being back in the Midwest. Waking with the late morning sun, watching clouds fill the sky for an entire day (a rarity here in AZ) seeing green grass, leaves at the end of driveways and pumpkins in front of every home (They aren't eaten/fried like here.) My heart soared at the smell of bonfires, fresh apple cider and family laughter with a bowl of popcorn. It's so good to be with John's family and hear their family stories and chat with John's mom about What Not To Wear and other favorite shows. 

Going back to where John grew up is like seeing a new piece of him each time. When we went to the church he grew up in there were countless ladies doting on how they saw him grow and he was their little one. He really is so lucky to have grown up in the same place and for his family to still live there. Having moved around a lot when I was younger I had the awesome advantage of meeting so many people and seeing life in different parts of the U.S., but I do sometimes long for that strange feeling of coming back to where you grew up and seeing people you grew up with. 

Jack's first flight since he was two months old. He did great!

Where I spent most of our getaway night. With the stomach flu.

Enjoying some real syrup

With my man on the ferry to Mackinac Island

My view from the bed (between pukes) Love this man.

The ferry ride

Our view most days. Lovely.

Welcome to Michigan!

Cousin time!

The flight home. Jack was so, so tired.

More to come...

fall days

2011-10-06T13:58:00.005-07:00

The sound of pouring rain woke me up at 2am. Well, that and I really had to pee. 

It was breathtaking. The sound of the rain against the window, the wind whistling, and my man who couldn't seem to fall asleep. I opened the shades for a minute to see the rain through the street light, but quickly realized how tired I was and returned to bed instead. Sleep continued for me (and eventually for John) and when we awoke it was cold, sunny and wet. Oh, fall. There you are.

I've been trying to keep up with this blog, but haven't done a very good job. Mostly because during nap time I have a list of other projects (or some days just starring out the window at the rainy clouds) because, seriously people, in about four months these nap times will look so different and I'd be lying if I didn't say, I will miss them immensely. I love naptime. I love Jack and love watching him grow, discover and change, but I do love the few hours he sleeps in the afternoon and the moments of solace it brings. After nausea passed during this trimester and I regained my energy, I realized something. I sometimes enjoy doing absolutely nothing. This wasn't a real surprise to me, but I shared it with my task-oriented husband semi-wondering if that was okay. He said it was. ;) 

A few things I've loved this last month...

This trailer: from the director of Billy Elliot? Awesome. Be prepared to choke up a little. 

This song: Coldplay was in my dream last night and in my sleepy state I was trying to remember this song and hear it live. I didn't do it justice, but this song is so, so good. Oh, and Chris Martin was totally a normal guy in my dream. Just sayin'. I love the "It was a wa-wa-wa-wa-waterfall." part. 

Also, loving this song:

So raw and real. And easy to get stuck in the head.

So good.

//

Our little family is growing. Yesterday we took this family shot before John left for work and I still feel so shocked to see this little boy in John's arms. He's growing so fast. Please excuse his bathtub haircut that I didn't really do well. ;) So crazy to think next year at this time, Lord willing, we'll have a baby girl in our arms too!

With fall officially arriving, we've lit a lot of Autumn and Leaves scented candles and eaten a lot of chicken pot pies. Yummmm.

Last week we finally got Jack's hand me down playset up and running in the back yard. He digs it. And his car, of course.

Sliding with Grandma and Papa might be one of his most favorite things.

And playing chalk with Grandma. She did an outline of his body and he thought it was the coolest thing. "Jack! Jack!" He kept saying and pointing at the outline. 

And this is our boy, most mornings. He loves his Caillou some days more than his cars. As an avid movie lover, it's really entertaining for me to see my boy love a tv show much. So many of my favorite movies/shows spurred on my imagination as a kid. I spent countless hours pretending I was Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, Little Mermaid, Laura Ingalls and so many more.

I don't know if Jack dreams of being Caillou, but he sure does think Caillou is fun. That's enough for now.

//

Me and the little squirt inside are at 23 weeks. Wow. Halfway there and only a few more weeks left of the second trimester. I'm starting to feel huge and try not to regularly weigh myself, but oh how I love feeling her kick, squirm when I lay down and get kisses from Jackboy. And occasionally smacks as well. All in love, people.

We are still talking about names, but really love the name Zoey Evelyn. We've discussed/argued over the spelling of the name and although I love the idea of spelling it Zoë, I just don't know if I can do it. but with the way our future is headed and how dominate computer stuff is, I don't want the poor girl to have to continually do something weird on the keyboard in order to spell her own name. (Yes, that is one of my reasons. May sound crazy, but true.) And Zoey is cute, short and hopefully there won't be a lot of questions on how to pronounce her name. Maybe. And Evelyn is my grandma's name and John's great aunt's name. It has a lovely ring to it. We'll see.

So thankful for good friends who are on this journey of mamahood with you.

It's a. . . . . . .

2011-09-18T20:20:00.001-07:00

GIRL!

Honestly, I was really surprised. I really thought it was going to be a boy and though I had a small hunch that it was a girl (one example being my crazy hormones during this pregnancy. I am supplying estrogen for two, people!) that was the biggest giveaway. However, we had a perfect boy name picked out that I loved and dreamed about saying ever day. But girl names...they are harder for us to decide/agree on. Such a big responsibility to name a future woman. Jack's name wasn't hard because #1. He's named after his dad directly. and #2. I felt like there were so many inspiring people named Jack and it was a great hero name.

these are from some of my favorite books as a kid

A girl? That's a bit trickier. Probably because I am a girl and there tends to be a bit more baggage behind a name. Good or bad. It's just tough. We do have a couple that we really like, but I'm not settled just yet. I guess I do have some time.

I'm also feeling a little overwhelmed on providing a new wardrobe for this little tike. I love used stuff and was looking forward to the next kiddo wearing all of Jack's fun outfits that he outgrew way too fast. Oh well. Maybe next time. I've already started to go through and pick out things that could be worn on a girl. I was pretty much a tomboy as a kid and having two older brothers I didn't think much about cute outfits or dresses (unless they were dress-up clothes) I just wanted something I could ride a bike in, pretend in and play barbies in. This is a whoooollle new adventure. 

My heart is also humbled at this incredible opportunity to raise a woman for Jesus. Such a beautiful and challenging task to encourage them during those delicate years ahead. Getting their heart broken, feeling left out, awkward, and all those other wonderful things a young woman feels. I pray to be supportive, but allow them to experience and feel on their own. I know Jack will go through things like that too, but it will be different and he might not want to talk about his feelings much at all by then. Oh, man. Teenagers. Thank God we've got a little time before that.

All that to say, we are excited. John especially. Now if we could just decide on a name... ;)

autumn adventures

2011-09-14T15:41:00.001-07:00

Is it wrong that I just goosebumps when I watched this? ...For the second time. 

Get More: Movie Trailers, Movies Blog

I am such a sucker for those twilight movies/books. It makes me feel like a teenager again...and somehow I can get lost in it for just a little. I guess like any good book and or movie, huh?

This last week has been oh-so-busy and oh so wonderful. We've been busy 'round these parts and mostly inspired by the change of weather. We welcomed September with open arms and it brought cold mornings (today the house was 62 degrees inside! I was so tempted to turn on the heater.) and lots of beautiful clouds full of raging thunderstorms. Sunday night we had friends over for chili and enjoyed the open windows and consistent rain. On Monday night we gathered in a warm home full of breakfast-for-dinner foods and watched the rain dramatically fall outside accompanied by plenty of thunder and lightening. It was so, so beautiful. To us Arizona folks, the rain is a celebrated event.

Bummer of the week was the much anticipated discovery of the sex our babe was put off for a few more days. The tech was sick (not sure what's a bigger bummer. That she was sick or that we only have one tech at the doctor's office.) and they couldn't get me in again until FRIDAY. I was a wreck. It was like knowing you were going to Disney Land on September 12 for like a month and then when it came...to find out it's postponed. I was like a kid on Christmas morning who was told it wasn't actually Christmas, but December 20. My goodness. So, one more day and we shall know, hopefully.

Casen, Jude, Cougan, Jack and Lincoln

I am so thankful for dear friendships...particularly of the female variety. I love my man, but I love me some good girl-time and contagious laughter, exchanging stories of the struggles of motherhood and beyond, and of course, enjoying some yummy food.

On Tuesday we had a french-toast/latte extravangza. There were five boys all within months of each other. Future warriors of truth and grace. They played, they hit, they laughed and chased each other. It was such precious moments to experience...their little personalities sprouting from within. It was wonderful. It was a cool morning and letting the boys explore outside was perfect.

We put on a tractor movie in order to keep the boys on the couch. I think they liked that more than their crazy mama's trying to get their attention.

sweet Jude

this man loves his tractors and i was in the way.

baby girl Brynlee was there for the fun too. Poor girl amidst all those boys. Maybe we'll have a girl to join her?

the kiddos and their mama's.

Casen was so smooth with his model face.

blowing bubbles in the rain water

Lincoln, so sweet and friendly. When Jack hit him I kept asking Jack to say sorry and Lincoln would just say, "sorry, Lincoln. Sorry." haha.

Jack loves dogs...even if they run away from him.

Most mornings have looked like this:

And in the evening we try to take advantage of the breeze and beautiful sunsets.

the growing belly

Our boy is almost two. Where has the time gone?

What I'm looking forward to tonight? The season premiere of PARENTHOOD.

Welcome, Fall. I've missed you.

labor day

2011-09-06T16:01:00.001-07:00

The last week has a been a bit heavy. Not very much for me, but for those around me. It's been so encouraging to see friends come alongside each other and carry grief and sadness and pain together. No matter what, painful trials are so difficult, but what beauty in sharing the load. To pray for peace that only Christ can bring and the closeness that He promises.

Jack's favorite spot. On his daddy's lap reading Car and Driver.

Jack has suddenly turned into a real little boy. The baby is nearly gone (despite the binky and diapers, mind you) but I feel his changes happening so quickly, it's hard to keep up. The words, the mimicking little voice, the giggling and running. We had my brother and his family and my parents up for the weekend. It was so great to see Jack adore having other kids around. He crawled with his younger cousin and raced cars with his older cousin. Any kid who wants to play? He is in. ...I think he might get that from me. ;)

Happy Birthday to Papa!

On Labor Day we played at a nearby park and watched the clouds roll in...

A great storm that came later.

A friend showed me this article and it made me smile. We're nearly halfway there with this pregnancy and in my heart of hearts, I know I don't really have a strong conviction about whether or not we have this little one all-natural like we did with Jack. Was it beautiful? Yes. Was he healthy? Yes, by God's grace. Was it traumatic? ...Um, yes. And here's my theory: there are adventure seekers who love a good roller coaster, jumping off of a cliff into freezing waters, camping in the middle of nowhere, rock climbing, para-sailing, skydiving, etc...the list goes on. They love the thrill of a risk and feel this empowerment of looking at a dangerous, scary, thrilling task and saying, "I got this. I can do this." and then they jump. And it's scary, but so awesome and so worth it. I admire these type of people and love being around them because they nudge me in the risky direction. I, however, am not that kind of person. Oh, how I wish I was. Growing up with two older brothers, I hated being the wimp who had to turn back because I was afraid of getting lost in exploring our woods, or having my cousin hike my back down the mountain because it was too high for me. Haha. I am just not a risk-taker. I barely made it to a very, very rustic cabin in Canada and I made John put up a tent in the cabin because I don't love mice or bats. I have learned a lot about myself over the years and have come to terms (and am really okay with) the fact that I don't enjoy risks. I like consistency and "safe" experiences. I like to laugh and joke and say things like, "I can do this." because believe it or not, some of the most simple, every day tasks are daunting to me and are still a 'lil scary. But Jesus has brought me a long. A long way.

and so, all that to say, I really loved giving birth to Jack without an epidural, but I don't think I'll do it again. I am ready to try a different avenue, and one that does not include traumatic nightmares afterward. Gotta love those risk-takers...and to be honest, I still feel like I am one, by just being a mama.

sorry

2011-08-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for ignoring you, 'ol blog. I finally have my energy/appetite back and I took a run for it. It's been delightful. The weather is still hot (Arizona, you didn't get the memo? It's almost September.) In fact, I think this week is one of the hottest weeks we've had all summer. Along with it has come the monsoons. Real ones. Lots of thunder and rain and today, really cloudy skies. It's been heavenly.

17 Weeks

Two more weeks until we find out what we're having. Oh, my goodness am I excited. This is half the fun, to me. I have it planned so my dear sister is coming over to watch Jack ---p.s. I need to stop here to say how lucky and thankful I am to actually have a sister in town. I've secretly been envious of my friends who are 'going to my parent's' or 'my mom/sister/grandma can watch them...' But now, I can join the club and my sister is going to school up here and for the first time in three years we are closer than an hour and a half away. I am so excited! Yesterday she came over during Jack's nap and we watched Modern Family and Tangled. Oh, and I barely made dinner and forgot about the pile of laundry. Woops. But, boy, was it fun.--- All that to say, Maggie is gonna watch Jack when we get the ultrasound and John and I will head over together to find out if this little one is a boy or a girl. John is convinced it's a girl. I don't have definite feelings either way.

Maggie is going to school here!

Speaking of Tangled, how cute is that movie? I think this is my favorite scene. It reminded me of a Little Mermaid quite a lot too. 

These last few weeks have been busy! With my appetite back and my much missed energy we've been filling most days and weekends with plenty of water play dates!

This may look like a birthday party, but it is none other than a swimming party with Jack's buddies. He had a blast!

We also had a slip n slide play date on the weekend! John was able to go and we could sit and chat with friends and eat amazing food and enjoy the cloudy skies.

Cousin-buddies, Cougan and Casen. Too cute!

Jack and Ellie

Friends from Monday night Bible study

sharing babies and stories

Our little family tradition most Monday mornings is to go to the local Prescott Donut Factory for a donut. I mentioned it last Monday and Jack ran around in circles saying, "Doh-doh's! doh-dohs!" Uh, he gets that from me.

Jack saying, 'doh-dohs!' Too cute. p.s. That white frosted sprinkles is what I got. So, so yummy.

 We've also tried to restart our walks around the square. We went down there as a storm rolled in (annnd passed over us) and it was a nice walk with a cool breeze. I really do love living here.

Favorite song of the moment?

I heard this one the radio on the way to church and was pleasantly surprised to hear such talented voices on Christian radio...until I realized it was actually NPR and it was The Civil Wars. Oh man, they are consistently blowing me away.

moments to remember

2011-08-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

We heard the little ones heartbeat today. It was perfect and brought much peace and relief. We find out in ONE month what we're having! I can hardly contain myself. I saw the ultrasound tech today and almost wanted to grab her and ask her, "can you just check now? Please?! I'll pay you!" haha. But I didn't. It's so worth the wait. Kind of like Christmas.

I've been kind of enjoying the differences in this pregnancy than with Jack.

With Jack I craved,

-cereal
-sweets
-pancakes
-anything bad for you

With this one I crave,

-cheese
-milk
-chips and sour cream dip (is there a pattern here?)
-Egg salad
-popcorn

It's so different and in the mornings when I have cereal I sometimes have to force myself to finish it. Whah? This is not me. Pregnant or not pregnant. I love me my cereal. Maybe I should go back to investing in my golden grahams and fruity pebbles. I bet then I'd want to finish it ;) Or maybe not. Healthy cereals stay in my stomach longer.

The nausea is finally subsiding and I've already gained 5 pounds. My doctor was a little concerned that I had a lost a pound at my last appointment, but I told her, Don't you even worry, girl! I've got this one taken care of!

I'm still kind of in awe that this is really happening. I look at Jack and wonder how I'll manage another one and how I'll manage to give them as much love and kisses as I do Jack. Last night on the way home from Bible study I asked Jack if he had fun to which he piped, "Yes!" And then did this loud and growl-giggle that made John and I break into laughter. He's growing so fast and has become a very independent little boy. At a playdate this morning he didn't want me (unless it was to show me the cars outside) and didn't mind falling or getting toys taken away. He did however, pinch a little girl and pull two older girl's hair. Oh, man. We left shortly after and he was asleep in the car within 10 minutes. My little fiesty monkey. Apologies to those kiddos and their mama's.

Jackboy's expression when he sees his daddy is home.

Jack's recent "cheese" face. Literally.

a pool day out back with dear friends

I feel like this new kiddo is a girl, even though we have a great boy name picked. I'd love a little girl, though, and we shall somehow agree on a girl name if that happens. We started to talk about it yesterday and John said, "Let's just see if we even need to have that show down, okay?" haha. I wonder where Jack gets his fiestiness?

Girls night tonight and rain this afternoon. Two of my favorite things and it's only 2 o'clock.

So thankful for today and time which eventually passes and Jesus who heals and restores.

I read this post today and choked up. So true. p.s. I'm choking up like all the time now, over every little thing. Be warned.

2011-08-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

Summer monsoons are in full swing as I sit and type and eat crackers and cottage cheese. My appetite has also returned and it has brought with it consistent hunger that doesn't seem to end unless I'm sleeping. And it all comes back to me, how I gained all that weight with Jack. And ate so much delicious food.

I feel thankful and full of hope that all is going well. We're in the second trimester this week and I can feel my energy returning, though my nausea still remains. I've been struggling a lot with fear lately and worry. Common worries for early pregnancy, but with me, worrying tends to be taken to a different level. On Sunday we heard a great sermon from a friend of ours who talked about how we are made to worship. We spend our lives worshiping something, but it's choosing what to worship. For me, I tend to let idols be what I worship. Idols that are, fame, control, fear, pride, doubt, things that we don't just think about, but allow to take over our hearts and lose our focus on Christ. I long to just have my gaze directed towards God and look to Him rather than the worry and fear that is so familiar and well known, but brings no peace and rest. To be able to look my deepest fear in the eye and tell it, "I'm not afraid anymore." Because, I'm not. Even if it's the absolute worst thing I could imagine, He is faithful. He is strong. He will use it for His glory. I was reminded this morning as I prayed that it's not a sin to be weak. That we all are weak, but in that weakness, He is made strong.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made  perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about  my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Cor. 12:9

And that brought such peace. A moment I could breath and let it go. Again. Until an hour later when I had to do the same thing. :)

++

Last week we went north to Sedona to see my cousin and his wife for the day. It was so wonderful. My cousin Greg and I grew up by that creek and created hundreds of stories in those woods. It was great to take our boys there and see them take it in. Of course, I imagined them being a bit older and climbing mountains and building forts in the rocks and pretending that they are running away from the orphanage. Swimming in the creek and creating another world that only they knew of. I hope all those things for them, just because I miss my childhood so.

my cousin, Greg and Jack and Noah.

Noah is so cute!

possibly my favorite picture. Noah and Jack are so much alike and both love to run, to laugh, to swing and hit. Just sometimes. They're boys, what can I say?

The creek was cool, but not freezing. The weather was overcast and beautiful. A perfect summer afternoon. 

We finished the afternoon with delicious bean soup and playing with the dogs outside on the deck. Jack fell asleep on our way home and it was the ending of a really great day.

This week was a doozy.

2011-07-23T20:58:00.001-07:00

It's been one of those weeks where at the end of it, I look at John and wonder how on earth we got through it? By God's grace only, because there were times I thought, "Yeah, I don't think I can make it through this one. See ya." 

Monday I went in for my appointment and my very kind and loving Doctor, but also a little paranoid and medicine-lovin' couldn't find the heartbeat right away. Which, to me, at 12 weeks and with the very tipped uterus I have, didn't concern me. But she was. That makes a mama concerned. Even at 12 weeks. She tried an old-school machine and we saw our little one, looking as real as ever. "I think that's the heart beat." She said apprehensively after 2.5 minutes of looking. She ordered an ultrasound for 4pm that day. My appointment was at 10:15. Thankfully, I'm used to such run arounds with our caring doc and tried to write it off that she was just being extra cautious and extra kind so that I would have a peace of mind. At 4pm I smiled and waved at my little one as their legs kicked and their heart beat high. Just like her/his mama's. The tech worked really hard to around my pelvic bone and just said, "I just really don't like your uterus." Thanks. I laughed. I saw the heartbeat, the kicking legs and the profile of our newest little one. My heart melted. I feel like it's a girl. I will be delighted if it's a boy, but I have this strange sense that it's a girl. The pregnancy is just so different than with Jack.

Monday night arrived and along with it came a horrible ear infection. Worse than the one I had only 2 months ago. The second one in two months. After six years of not having one. That isn't normal, is it? It was horrendous and after a restless night, a little vomiting and a cute Colin Hanks and John Malcovich movie, I found my ear was actually bleeding. That had never happened before. It was scary. So, I went to an ENT here in town who took me right in (which is a miracle) and he informed me he didn't like my eardrums and that I had a very serious infection. It was bad, ya'll. Like, a hole in my ear drum bad. I still can't hear out of it. He said that should change in about 10 days. Praise Jesus that is over and please, please, Lord help me never to have an ear ache like that again.

My mom and sister came to the aid the next day and arrived with love and groceries in hand. They let me rest and helped with Jack, oh and my mom cleaned out my entire fridge and organized my cabinets. It was delightful. I've been meaning to clean that fridge cause every time I open it, it kind of smells and I kind of want to puke. So thankful to my mom for all her help and making me feel like I could really put my feet up.

Oh, and my man has been a champ as well. He's helped so much. I'm kind of in emergency-mode these days. Between limited hearing which makes me feel dizzy and nausea that doesn't seem to leave unless I'm sleeping, I feel like I'm just trying to make it until, Lord willing, these season passes. We're at 13 weeks tomorrow. Hopefully in another week it will start to ease up a bit. And hopefully, by Christmas I'll look a little bit like this. Though, hopefully not this huge.

In good news, I've been deeply enjoying a Masterpiece Classic called Downton Abbey. Which is on netflix instant. Which is an incredible show. I am quite obsessed and often hear their accents in my head. It's been so long since I've used a proper accent. It's been a great distraction and nothing too heavy to burden the days.

Also, while in Phoenix, my mom and I left our flip flops outside. This is what the Phoenix heat does to flip flops, apparently, when left in the sun. Way too small and shriveled like a piece of bacon. Craaaazy.

July

2011-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Time has flown so quickly.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. Spending the summer full of hot days and cooled off nights. The monsoons arrived. They were welcomed with open arms and celebrated each afternoon as the clouds rolled in, Jack napped and I camped out to watch the dark, waving clouds of moisture move towards us only to pass over and head somewhere else. 

Some days we got light thunder. Other days we got random downpours. One night John and I cuddled up and watched a full storm sweep over us. It was strong and bold and so beautiful. The lightning was intense. It took away our internet, which was for the better. It allowed us to shut off the movie we were watching and give the storm our full attention. Storms have a tendency to kind of need that. Kind of like kids.

Fourth of July came and went, but boy, was it great. We went to the world's oldest Rodeo and celebrated with a feast of all American food. BBQ chicken, potato salad, watermelon and blackberry pie for dessert. My parents, my brother and his family came up for the day and the monsoons hit around 2pm. It rained most of the day, but that was okay. It really cooled things off and wasn't bad enough to cancel the rodeo. Time with family was a blessing. A nice nap was also enjoyed while the guys watched Prison Break. Most-stressful-show-ever.

This picture was taken while I was trying to convince my patient man to take another picture. He obviously ran out of patience.

During our little retreat we also ordered a sub from walmart to help feed our house guests. My ever-practical and penny pincher hubby insisted on paying for a 6 foot sub because it was only 5 bucks more than a 4 foot. There are no words to share this picture, but just to say that is the 6 foot sub. All 7 and a half feet of it! John is 5'11. That sub was intense and gave my mom and I a good laugh when we picked it up at Wal-mart. Still, for 25 bucks, you can't beat all that food. Was it good? Why yes. Was it good after a couple of days? Well, no. 

We also had surprise (because of my forgetful memory) guests from back East. Four travelers came our way on a cross-country road trip and one of them was my very dear pal, Kate. When I'm with her it's as if no time has passed. We reunite. We laugh, we joke, we use accents, we share funny stories, pour our hearts out until everything broken and bruised is wrapped with Love and grace and somehow life is much brighter after such a short visit with my dear friend. I wish she lived closer, I wish the Bronx wasn't so far and I wish that I had a magical capsule that could allow us to visit whenever we wanted. It was good to listen to good music with her, watch a few funny movies and share a trip to Costco in a downpour.

Oh and Jack? He's growing along. He loved the four guests and you would have thought he was in heaven. All this attention. All this love from ladies who work with kids every day. He was so lovin' it. But oh, did he have to remind them every 10 seconds that I was mama and dad was dada. Seriously, he said it about every five minutes.

Last week Jack and I spent a few days at Grandma and "Pa's" house for a little getaway. Why the getaway is to hot Phoenix, I do not know, but it was great. Jack had a blast. It was great to see my mom's parents for a little bit too. It's beautiful to watch age at the other end of life and to see how they look back on their lives full of joy and great memories. 

Jack loved playing with his little cousins and the train set that grandma has there. 

He also loved swimming in the pool in his birthday suit and trying to figure out if this was a bath or what. He's really becoming his own little person and identifying things when he sees them. Pointing out the animals he loves, the tv shows he adores and when he wants water or his binky. I love watching him process what I'm saying and seeing how he reacts (or chooses not to.) He's a free spirit, that little guy.

I'm still feeling really sick, but praying that at the 14 week mark things will lighten up. As much as I'm thankful for each day that I feel sick, I do look forward to days of not dreading what to make for dinner and what to snack on that won't make me want to puke. But praise Jesus, we are at 12 weeks tomorrow. We're almost there.

as

hello, summer.

2011-06-27T14:12:00.001-07:00

I feel like it's been forever since I've written.

Maybe because it has been.

Maybe because it's been hot here in Arizona and I spend the afternoons camped out, napping while Jack naps and when he awakes, we share a smoothie and hit the road to beat the heat. ie, go to goodwill or walmart. Your pick. 

Maybe because Jack just doesn't allow for computer time anymore. If he sees the computer/tv screen on (our computer doubles as our tv) than he is convinced it is time for one or all of the following: Wonder Pets, Thomas the Train, Fireman Sam or some documentary about cars that John watches with him. He likes his shows, but we try to limit his time, thus, mom gets her computer time limited too.


the boys had fun, but they were cold. It was so funny because they would just sand at the end where all the kids were sliding.


but after a quick wardrobe change, Jack grew to like it.

Maybe because when we are awake we are out with friends enjoying water parties or making trips to Costco or trying to embrace and enjoy summer. I wish I could say that with real enthusiasm. I must tell you that I've been listening to Christmas music on Pandora nearly every morning because it brings me so much joy. I can't wait for winter to be here once again. I know that sounds strange and kind of...sad, but I do love a little chill. I'm trying to embrace summer by enjoying plenty of watermelon, listening to plenty of bluegrass, going for walks after the sun dozes and looking forward to the monsoons which should arrive in 30 days or more. But whose counting?

And once the big kids took a break they figured out how to slide.

again and again

We've also been celebrating Father's Day, enjoying bluegrass festival at the square and listening to Jack's new whine/squeal. Sometimes, he can't decide when he's happy or sad.

I wish you could hear this noise. Seriously hilarious/ kind of annoying.

It might have been a while since I've written because I've had a strange case of first trimester all-day nausea. I awake with it, I bare it through breakfast and it sticks with me like the summer heat until I doze off at about 10pm each night. But, each day, I find myself thanking Jesus for the gift that is another little bean growing slowly inside me (and pushing the pouch that Jack left over quickly out) and that we're almost to 10 weeks and almost to the end of the first trimester. Praise Jesus! I've felt so sick since 2 weeks before I even missed my period (does this happen to other people?) and have felt it get worse as each week passes. But, man. It's been such a great reminder that things are going well. That though it was so hard to lose a little one in February, that God's timing is perfect. That the little bean in there is hopefully growing like they should be and Lord willing we will meet him or her the end of January. Another reason why I'm listening to Christmas music every day? Perhaps.

this was taken right before my sister's graduation back in May. 

While our little bean has been growing each week, Jack has been growing almost as quickly. He is changing and while I rocked him to sleep today (for he got his leg stuck in the side of the crib and had a litttttle bit of a freak out) I looked at his head and arms and long legs and could hardly believe he is almost two. How does time go so quickly? John and I were talking the other day and I thought out loud, "Jack will never know what it's like to be an only child. He won't remember this time. Being a big brother is all he'll ever know." To which we both smiled. Siblings are truly glorious things.

I'm off for a little nap, please don't judge. Or judge that I just bought a big 'ol thing of potato salad at costco. Helllooo, summer.

dada day

2011-06-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

The weather was designed for Father's Day this year. 

The sky was bright, the breeze was cool and we stayed home bound for this day. Normally we go to my parent's house, but between two sermons and a kiddo who needs a nap and doesn't nap well in the car, we decided not to go this year. After a gourmet meal of Arbie's beef and chedder, fries and a Dr. P, John settled in for a few episodes of his new favorite show, Prison Break. 

The best gift John gave me on Mother's Day was the freedom to do whatever I wanted to. John's really good at sharing the load when it comes to Jackboy, but on M-Day, he gave me the day off completely. It was just...incredible. I tried to do the same on Father's Day. He kept saying things like "Wow, this is so awesome!" and "I don't even know what to do I have so many options!" I should probably give him Father Day-like days more often, huh.

So, after nap time for Jack and three episodes of Prison Break, Jack and I ran to the store and John read a good book. We returned with strawberries in hand and a serious burst of energy to cook up some salmon, mashed potatoes, salad and strawberry shortcake. In short, it was delicious. Jack enjoyed some mac n cheese. (Our little squirt still doesn't eat a whole lot of variety) and some grapes while we sampled some pretty good, if I do say so, food. 

the earlier days, in which Jack made dada very, very tired. Oh, and mama too.

snuggle time, post work.

watching the first snow fall of winter

Our sick boy being cared for by his loving daddy.

Evening bath time.

Our Jackboy loves his dada. The first thing he says when he wakes up is, "Dada? Car?" and the first thing he wants is his daddy. I'm small beans compared to dad and that's okay. I get to be the go-to person for the rest of the day.

When John is home, Jack wants all of him. It's kind of border line pathetic, really. But ohso cute. They race cars around the couch, they build train sets and read books. Jack gets thrown on beds, couches, and over John's back to the sounds of many giggles. They go and sit in the car in the garage and while Jack drives, John catches up on the news. (Thank you, iphone.) John cuddles and loves on his boy and it is so precious to watch. Being the youngest of four boys, John wasn't groomed to love little kids, but oh has Jack captured his heart. I've loved watching him become a daddy and truly love the role that God has placed him in. 

They make a great pair and I feel privileged to watch their bond get stronger.

 Happy Father's Day to my baby's handsome Daddy.

And Happy Father's Day to my wonderful Pop, too. We share so many things; our love for good music, our habit of picking our fingers, our thick, curly hair, our love for having a good time, good food and lots of laughter. I thank him for making my childhood one of the best times of my life. For every toss across the pool, trip to the farm, encouraging my timid self to do ride a bike and tickle monster attack on our living room floor. My love for him as only grown and grown.

summer has arrived.

2011-06-16T15:16:00.001-07:00

Summer is here. 

And man, it is hot.

Every June I am always surprised/annoyed by how hot is gets. And so fast. Thankfully, Prescott isn't as hot as 2 hours south in Phoenix where it's hitting 105 this week! Yikes.

However, no air conditioning = hot as it gets by 1pm.

Yesterday, John came home from work to a very frustrated wife sitting on the kitchen floor trying to put patio chairs together. Jack was crying, it was 84 in the house and I was nearing my breaking point. He swooped us both off the floor (not literally, though he did swoop Jack) and carried us to baja fresh where we split a burrito and let Jack yell "Hi" at everyone in the place. It was delightful. By the time we got home it was the same temp inside as it was outside so we opened the blinds, opened the windows and welcomed that early evening breeze. It was cooled off in a matter of minutes. 

It's just rough between 1-5. Dinner makin' time. 

Jack, however, could spend every waking minute outside in the sandbox. He loves stopping to look up and see each car drive by, looking up at the tree when the wind blows and trying to flick the sand off of his body 90% of the time. He keeps saying, "Uh-Oh" over and over. He gets that from me. I laugh every time and tell him it's okay, it's just sand.

Today, he insisted on taking out his semi-truck. After a mini fit, I gave in. I'm glad I did. He had a blast with it.

I do love summer. I promise I do. Just not so hot. I'm a midwest girl at heart and just am not sure if I'll ever get used to these desert hot summers. Thankfully, that's all our Jack will know.

I am also having a hard time coming up with dinner ideas to accompany warm weather. My family normally grilled, but we don't grill much. Any ideas that use very little stove/oven?

favorite things

2011-06-14T12:13:00.001-07:00

I tend to be kind of an extreme person.

When I'm happy, man, I am happy.

When I'm angry. Watch out. For a little while at least. We're working on that.

When I love something? Man, I love it. Kind of obsessed even. For maybe a week, a month or ten years. This is in regards to things, not people. People, I could/will love forever. Loyal to a fault, but that's how I was made.

So here's a couple of my favorite things this week. Enjoy.

An oldie, but a goodie. Still brings a huge smile to my face when I watch it. I really like Jimmy Fallon.

Out of all of the movie trailers on apple.com, this recent one looks the most interesting.

and this blog.

and this blog.

and this one, too.

We've been watching these guys almost every night. Jack dances to the opening music. And we laugh. Oh, we laugh real good.

getaway

2011-06-08T15:08:00.002-07:00

We did it.

We escaped for a few days and let me tell you, it was lovely.

I had forgotten how fun it is to sit and enjoy a meal, just the two of us (because, let's face it, we are pretty cheap and rarely go out just us.) I forgot how easy it is to "run in real quick" when you're without a child to unbuckle and then re buckle into a car seat. Let's not even start with gettin' the stroller out. 

The delicious anniversary dessert we were given. She kept saying we could only pick one. I chose the chocolate one. YUM.

John is such a great husband and if I need a trip to the store flyin' solo one night, he's glad to oblige, but it's just not the same going alone. I LOVE company and especially love it when they go places with you. I am not much of a flyin' solo kind of gal. I've tried, but alas, I fail often. I enjoy it more now that I'm mama 24/7, but I still would prefer a pal to sing with in the car rather than sing alone. 

I did miss our boy, but was thankful for the break. By Sunday night we were reunited. He didn't seem to notice.

So, the weekend included a lot of music blasting car rides, yellow light runnin', 9pm ice cream trips, walks around the shops and reading late into the night. Oh, and plenty of tv watching. Though, I was surprised how little I missed cable. It was just perfect. We ate at some fun little places, had some old favs and enjoyed a delightful Jamba Juice (we don't have one up here.)

We talked and laughed and it felt like we were dating, but obviously, better and I knew him so much deeper and more intimate than I did four years ago. He's truly become my best friend, my partner, my confidant, my love. I am so thankful we get to be in this journey together. That our lives are forever one and our little family will make up some of him and some of me. I couldn't imagine a better man. Truly.

We also hit up our favorite second hand shops in Phoenix and made sure to swipe some good deals. Bargain shopping is wonderful, but it takes time and patience, not something I have a lot of with Jackboy.

Jack had the time of his life. He swam most of the days we were away and got a skinned toe and rough knees that signal boyhood is in full force. He's a wild man, our little guy, and I love trying to keep up.

I did miss that cheeky smile and slobber chin

Thanks to mom and dad and Mags for watching Jack. He was so well taken care of. Oh, my dad was showing off his new permanent front teeth. And Maggie was teasing him.

post getaway pool party.

The first day it was kind of hard to be back. To get up at 6am, to wipe faces post oatmeal, walk away from temper tantrums, make dinner, and return to busy normal life. I enjoy fun. I know real life isn't vacation-mode and that's okay, because I do like to get a thing or two done too. I was just gently reminded how good it is to get away and remember what started it all.

sedona in spring

2011-06-02T14:05:00.001-07:00

May has been a serious dose of busy.

A good busy, I can't really complain. Lots of family laughter, delicious food and movie watching.

Last week our little family of three went to Sedona with my parents and sister for a little vacay. It was so delightful. Once Jack figured out how to sleep in the bathroom (it was a handicap shower so he wasn't asleep in cabinet or anything) the party got even better. He even slept in until 8 one day! It was amazing.

Jack was entirely entertained by anything outdoors. He loves the grass, rocks, running, climbing and now swimming. He has only been in a pool a couple of times before this and it was so interesting to watch how hesitant he is around water. He likes it, once he is in there, but I think the whole idea of being in a body of water is a little overwhelming for him. My dad, the infamous splasher and ride-giver, took Jack throughout the water and he soon discovered a love for the giant bath tub.

Between running up and down the hallway in the hotel, tipping over his little car and saying "Uh-Oh, crash!" overandover (to which my heart swelled at the cuteness every time) Jack was the busiest I think I've ever seen him. Our boy loves a good vacation. Can't say I blame him. And I think he got that from me.

Jack also has this cute, but kind of quirky love for fish. I don't know how, but he does. He goes wild when he sees a picture of a fish, plays with a rubber one in the bath tub and ohmygoodness his number one goal at the library is to see those fish.

He says "feeshes" over and over. It kind of sounds like feces. I laugh.

So we went to the trout farm and saw a whole lot of fish in a small body of water. Jack thought it was hilarious.

One morning Jack kept saying "fishy, fishy." and led John right to where the fish tank was in the lobby of the resort. They had a grand time looking at fish.

Our boy and fish. Who knew?

There's something so poetically beautiful about Sedona. My heart is so full there. I love Prescott, I truly do, but there's something about Sedona that is a gorgeous utopia I've yet to experience anywhere else. The way the creek is constant yet peaceful and the trees that grow by the water are strong and so green. It's really away from every ounce of busy life.

Can I say how much I love seeing Jack with his grandpa? He just started saying "papa" and whenever he sees him this kid goes into a serious fit of giggles. 

And we had some family time too. Though it's apparent Jack is fully capable of livin and lovin' life without mom and dad for a few days. 

So we are doing it. We are leaving Jack this weekend with my parents (thanks mom and dad, AGAIN.) and getting away for the weekend. Just the two of us. First time overnight without our kiddo and I am a little bit excited. Okay, a lot. I know Jack will be in great hands and will have the time of his life.

Happy Anniversary, my love. Four years and here's to so many more.

the graduation

2011-06-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

My sister graduated a couple of weeks ago.

though I was feeling better in this picture, the sickness was about to get worse.

I was so, so sick that week. Like, the sickest I've been in a long time. I got a horrible ear ache the night before we were supposed to go down the mountain and I woke up wondering if I could even go to her graduation.

So thankful for the garlic ear drops that soothed the ear ache at 2am and so, so thankful for my husband who stayed up with me in my painful state. Those drops were magic.

We traveled down on Friday and were able to see my sister graduate. Jack was still getting over his cold so he stayed at home with my gracious Aunt who watched him.

Mags and Mom and Pop

Isn't Maggie beautiful? I taught her all she knows. Just kidding.

My grandparents, Aunt and cousins from Florida came for the graduation. I was once again reminded how amazing and wondrous it is to be in a room with people who share so much of your person. Your hair color, your laugh, your jokes, your eyes, your sass, your emotions, your heart. It will never get old to share a laugh with someone who finds humor in the same things you do. It's beautiful to be with those who have known you your whole life and love you still. Who have watched your grow up and change and have loved you through all those stages.

Florida cousins who I used to hold and pretend I was babysitting. Am I that old?!

My grandparents we grew up down the street from. Now retired and living in Florida. 82 and 85 and lookin' GOOD.

My grandpa fought in World War 2 in Germany. He helped liberate a concentration camp. He is incredible and one day I'll bust out some pictures of him from his time in Germany. So thankful for the way he served our country.

And it was so incredible to see my brother again. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving and that is just too long. Though I was so sick and spent most of my time on the couch or in my parent's room sleeping, I didn't want to give up the time to be around family. Especially since we don't see them often. Andy is as charming as ever and charmed the socks off everyone he saw. He made everyone laugh, just like when we were kids. He also showed me all the funny youtubes, a ritual when he comes to visit.

Though our oldest brother was missed in this picture, it was good to have all the siblings back together.

Jack got a good dose of antibiotics and is back to his normal, wild and hilarious self. He loves being with family almost as much as I do, though he doesn't seem to love to sleep at my parent's house as much as I do. The first night was horrible and he spent most of the night snuggled in bed with me. By 6am he was up and ready for fun. I cried, wondering how a sick mama keeps going without getting sicker? How do you find energy when you literally have zero left? In swooped my parents who graciously took their lil grandson and off our hands and let us sleep a couple of more hours. The other nights got better as I let him have the room all to himself. I said, see ya. I'll sleep better on the couch. John traveled back up north so he could preach on Sunday morning.

I feel so thankful we were at my parent's house that weekend. Besides being sick, having family around to help with Jackboy really is a blessing. I once thought and dreamed of being off in a far away land, experiencing life alone and family-less, a sacrifice I was willing to make. I'm so humbled and thankful that God knows us better than we know ourselves and He knows I'm just not that strong. Not yet anyway.

So Maggie is officially out of high school, 18 and moving on. It feels surreal. I feel old. I can't believe that time is already here. I don't think my parent's are ready to be empty nesters. She's grown up so fast.

4 years ago today

2011-06-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Four years ago today, I was in a blissful state. I was (and am) as twitterpated as a girl can get. 

Friends and family from around the country (and a visitor from England) came one by one, and I said hello. I wish I had more time with each one of them. Time seemed to be in slow motion and yet there wasn't enough of it.

The next day I was going to marry the love of my life.

Granted, we hardly knew each other, but who cares? We were in love and we were getting married. We were young and it was a breezy June day in Phoenix. Hot, of course, but still a little cloudy. I was thankful for those clouds.

Often I tell John how I can't believe we get to grow old together. It really is an incredible journey.

The night before we were married I went out with the girls. They all came from different times in my life. My childhood best friend, my sister, kindred spirits I was blessed to meet along the way. I wish I could have had a wedding party of 25, let me tell you. It was tricky to find ways for all of them to connect, but they somehow did.

And we laughed and stayed up late talking by the pool.

Then, on June 2nd 2007, I married my true love and it was wonderful. And four years later, it's still wonderful. It's been a long, hard road, but by God's grace we've made it this far.

a wee bit snotty

2011-05-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

what a face. I think he was trying to squeeze past me while saying "owwww"

Lately, things in our home are a bit snotty. Like, drooling lips, stinky breath, booger infested noses and lots of face wiping going on. We've got a cold going around and it ain't good. It's a rough one and somehow I caught it. Now, I don't want to boast or brag, but I rarely get sick. It's genetics really. I remember maybe one time in my life that my dad was sick and it was for a day and than he was back to the racetracks. My mom? Hardly ever. She only gets sick around Holidays and that's because she's workin' her booty off. They are the essence of good health. I pray that continues for the rest of their lives. I inherited their health. Well, if you discount my chronic ear infections as a kid and dozen strep throats as a teenager, but really, who is keeping track anyway? 


watching his daddy mow the lawn.

i love my allergy-man. he handled it like a champ. and didn't come inside sneezing with watery eyes. and I had myself a little giggle.

Jack's sick spot on the couch, complete with a motor trend. His favorite reading material as of late.

So, I got Jack's cold. Maybe it's because I kiss his face about every five minutes or wipe his nose with my fingers and forget to wash my hands (eww, I know, but what can a mama do?) or that I share a bite of pretty much everything with him. He's mah boy. What can I say?

But it's been a rough one. Besides sounding like a man every morning and hawking up lungs, I am trying to slow myself down because the hardest part for me when I get sick is slowing down. I want to keep up with the pace of life. It's no brisk run, but it's a grand pace. 

So, here I sit on an overcast day, Jack taking a morning nap (something he hasn't done since his last cold in January) and I with a cup of water still in my pj's. Trying to relax and trying  not to want to be at the Dollar store with my pals and their boys right now.


having a snack with one of his good friends. yes, they were going in for a kiss at that exact moment. and that nap-hair. wow.

This past week has been beautiful. The weather warmed up (briefly, another cold front comes in tomorrow. Which I welcome.) We've spent our days at the square, play dates with little friends (and their mama's) and a whole lot of lovin' on our sick boy. 

Jack had his first big-boy puke on Sunday evening. His daddy caught in Jack's shirt, great reflexes, perfect timing and incredible disgusting. I thought I would be the kind of mom who swoops in when my darling son pukes and panics, but I didn't. Maybe it was because John was there and when he is I typically panic more, but John was/is always my hero and carried him into the bathroom while singing soothing words to his kiddo. I cleaned up. With a spray bottle of vinegar and water. Jack was so precious as he clung to his daddy's neck afterward, pale and greenish and looking shocked at what had just happened. My heart melted and we got him into his jammies and he fell fast asleep. My sweet goose.

It was just that once and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous he'd do it again during the night and didn't want to be the one to catch it that time. Does that make me a bad mama?

mama day/week

2011-05-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day turned into an all week event. 

I took the liberty to make each day a Mother celebration. 

A gracious and dear friend volunteered to watch us young mom's kiddos on Wednesday so during that time I got a hair cut. Getting your hair washed when you spend a significant amount of time each day washing dishes, washing kids, washing hands, washing kid's hair, washing down tables and a high chair, is absolutely incredible.

It was awesome.

On Friday night a few of us young mama's hit the town and got delicious appetizers, dessert and some (decaf) coffee. We chatted, laughed, shared our love stories, shared advice and experiences, exchanged birthing stories and had a few bathroom breaks mixed up in between. Three hours of some bursts of laughter, inappropriate conversation for our 15 year old waiter's ears to hear (he probably wasn't 15, but my goodness, he looked young) and delicious food made this mama's day a day of joy. And my heart wells up with thankfulness at the friendships God has allowed me to experience. Both friendships over the years and the new friendships that accompany this mama-journey with love.

and no evening would be complete without a little photo shoot.

Saturday morning brought snuggles in the early morning, with waffles and strawberries. Parties throughout the afternoon (not M-Day related, but quite fun) and good food, ya'll. I associate a good time often with good food.

Sunday my parents and sister came up north and we browsed the antique stores downtown and ate pizza while the weather cooled. I'm looking forward to the Mother's Days to come. I'm thankful for my mother and all she taught me and how she created such a lovable childhood for us. I'm thankful for John's mom who raised him to be such an awesome man and daddy. I'm so thankful to be a mama. To see Jack think of proud I am to get to be his mom. It's the greatest gift.

The day ended with a story read by grandma and Jack's tired little self fighting sleep like no bodies business.

date night 2011

2011-05-05T15:11:00.000-07:00

It's warmin' up here in the west. We don't have AC and majority of the year, that's okay, but I'm kind of secretly nervous about the summer. I have a feeling it's gonna be a hot one, people.

Last night I woke up at 4:30 to hear John talking in his sleep. I rolled over, half awake, half-what's-goin-on to hear him say "love covers a multitude of sins. we have to remember that." in his sleep. I patted his arm, said a lil 'that's right, baby.' and got up to go to the bathroom. This morning when I asked him if he remembered saying that he said he didn't. I smiled. What a cool little nugget from God while we sleep to remember His love covers everything and it's not something we can give on our own.

It's easy to say, to think about, to talk about, but man. It is so hard to do. To be. It's only from Him.

Two nights ago we went out on a date. It's been a while (a long while) and it's not something we do regularly. We do try to take advantage of Jack's 7pm bedtime and will cuddle up with a sweet treat (latest was coconut ice cream dipped in chocolate and almonds. helloooo) and enjoy our favorite tv shows. But two nights ago we thought we'd be spontaneous and young loves. We got a babysitter last minute and he whisked me away by 7. We jumped into the land cruiser as the sun set and embarked on our dreamy date night. It still feels weird yet familiar whenever we get in the car without Jack. Some days it feels forever ago and some days it feel like yesterday it was just us.

We went to a cozy little Italian place and ate the best veggie lasagna ever. It was my man's dream meal. Small salad, big entree and small scoop of spumoni ice cream for dessert. Simply heavenly. It was a dream meal for me too.

Every time we come home we always say, "we should do this more often." Probably the budget restart of next month. aka, our 4th anniversary. It's fun, but not quite as fun to see how much it costs. but oh so worth it.

and Jackboy did just fine.

moments

2011-05-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you catch the light at just the right moment. 

Jack wakes up a little slower than the rest of us. He gets that from his papa. His messy wake up hair is just too fun, I couldn't help myself.

For me, that moment was yesterday on our carpet-kitchen floor, playing with a fisher price barn yard, Jack and his buddy Cougan. It was a Monday. Typically one of the most restful and family-filled days of the week. Okay, not always, but yesterday it was. We played with the boys, made smoothies and read books on the floor. It was delightful.

I wanted to capture a few minutes and when I pulled out my camera Jack instantly started saying, "cheese!" Cheese is two things. 1. His favorite food. 2. What he does when he sees the camera (obviously. What kid doesn't?) Along with the cheese he leaped forward towards the camera in time for me to snap this picture. It is so Jack.

Jack and his buddy Cougan and the fav toy of the day, the tractor.

Blurry, yes. But so cute.

I often miss those moments. Like later that day when we caught him starring at his dad's motor trend magazine just memorized by the cars and tires and making infamous deep throated car noises. We weren't quick enough and he had already moved on by the time we got a picture.

I met yesterday with a wonderful friend and mentor who is a beacon of light to me. She is full of wisdom, experience, grace and insight. She shared with me the beauty of being in and loving the moment. Of being content in the here and now and seeing this stage of my life as the best years there are and when I'm 45, embracing those years as the best years too. Each stage of life has its hardships, but truly, each stage of life has been my favorite. It doesn't mean it wasn't accompanied by difficult trials, but in it are so many precious memories. You can't really have one without the other.

I really want/pray to be present in those moments that if you aren't watching they just float swiftly by. I hope to be there, perhaps with a camera in hand, ready to capture that moment and love it and then be ready for the next. 'cause there will always be more.

Like today, for instance, a lovely walk with fellow mama's, sipping iced tea and listening to our boys scream/talk to each other across the store.

I love me some moments like those.

hot cross buns

2011-04-28T15:59:00.001-07:00

On Easter Sunday I went on a vigorous search for hot cross buns. According to the baker at Fry's grocery there were none in our tri-city location. Seriously. What was I doing searching for the buns on Easter morning? Traditions a little too late. Next year, I'm makin' 'em on my own.

Oh well, I did find a Thomas pez for Jackboy and he loves it. I have a special place in my heart for Pez dispensers and was so excited that Jack can share my love for pez and their dispensers.

My man also surprised me with some of the most colorful flowers in all the world (courtesy of dye. and love.)

Sunday we celebrated Christ's resurrection and it was a beautiful day. John's sermon was incredible and God used it in some awesome ways. After church I brought Jack home and we got the car ready, munched on peeps, packed up food, cameras, Easter baskets and trains to make the treck with John down to Grandma and Grandpa's. With them, the celebration continued and we caught up with family we don't see often enough and enjoyed an incredible lunch. Jack played in the yard with Gracie, chased her with the ball (but not realizing she was chasing him to get the ball out of his hand.) Jack played with his older cousin Andy and with trains all day long.

This Easter I was reminded of/experienced a new truth of God and the reality that He knows the pain of losing a child and has experienced it himself. Not only did He lose a child, but a grown man, His only son and it grieved Him to do lose him, but He did it for our sake and so that we might live. That fact blows my mind. Having lost two wee ones, I know He has experienced that same pain, but I didn't lose those kiddos so that others might live. If I'm really honest with myself, I'm not sure I could do that. As a mama, I would die for my kiddos, but don't think I could let them die so others could live. It's the greatest sacrifice. It's mercy in all it's greatness knowing we don't deserve it, but He did it anyway.

I read this article a few weeks ago and was so touched by the truths in it.

So thankful for Easter and the mercy that it holds. That we don't deserve, but He gives it freely. So thankful Jesus lives so we can have a personal relationship with Him.

I would like to be able to leave out the part about how Jack was the most restless sleeper on Easter night and that he was up by 5:30am after barely sleeping that night and playing hard all day and runnin' on a one hour nap, but I can't. Because he ate too much candy. Because that's how that night went and I felt like I had a newborn come Monday morning. Where did my toddler go? Praise Jesus he returned Monday night and slept strait until 7:30. That-a-boy.

 reconnecting and sharing old stories. 

 my grandpa. such a sweet man. 

I love how Jack is leaning in to Andy in this picture. So cute.

Maggie is truly a beautiful lady. I love sisters and the unique relationship that they share and I especially love seeing Maggie as she nears graduating from high school. I'm so proud of her and woman that she has become. I can't wait to see where her life leads to.

Seeing my Pops with his little grandson really warms my heart. Not only do they look like twins, but he has such a deep and unshakable love for babies. And Aaron's blue eyes, omygoodness.

Easter has come and gone and next is Mother's Day. In other news, my plants are really growing. I'm excited to see what the end of the summer holds! Thanks to dear friends with years of experience and helpful tips, we might just be able to eat some of the fruits of this labor.

life with jack

2011-04-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Lately the days with Jack have felt more fun than ever. Don't get me wrong. I have loved every stage of life with him, but this one is my favorite. He can't quite talk, but understands more than I think he can, and he is so hilarious. I'm a little biased, but the deep chuckle he does when he gets excited kills me. I want to record it and play it over and over on those dark teenager days when I wonder, "who is this person and why is he in our house?" Kidding. Kind of.

He's found the lines on the carpet to make the roads for his cars and the deep roars of the dinosaurs that invade my lap when he brings them to me. He's discovered what to say when he pinches his finger or trips over a huge pile of trucks. "Ouch." and he holds the furrowed brow and puckered lips. My heart melts every, single time. He loves his cups too and has a good time putting them together and taking them apart. Over and over. He does not get this from me.

He's taken to dancing too (I tried not to push it, but have danced circles around him since he was 1 month old. Yeah, that first month I wasn't able to do much dancing.) When we turn on Thomas he does his giddy dance in which he stomps his feet and pounds his fists at the same time. He turns in circles until he falls over. Sometimes I can hear him in the backseat trying to sing along to whatever we're listening to. He hums, he babbles, he kicks his feet with love.

Oh, and he also throws fits. Big 'ol nasty temper tantrums that result in me walking away and he soon discovering a toy within arms reach. For now. It's tricky. Especially at Safeway right before lunch time and nap time when he sees the Thomas Pez dispenser and nearly loses it.

He also has taken to the grab-n-bite with littler friends. He's got a lot of love, this one, as well as a bit of aggression. I try not to hover, but I try not to stand by and let it happen either. It's tough keeping up with this kiddo. But he tries to be gentle and we're all a work in progress. He loves being with his buddies. And oh my goodness, does his mama love to be with her friends too.

At 5am this morning Jack awoke. It was too early. Especially with my tired boy who went to bed later than normal the night before. I tried putting him back to sleep, but had zero luck. John tried too. I slept for about 10 more minutes until they both burst into the room at 6:00am, ready to greet the day. Jack was ready for fun and that's often how he starts the day. It's as if he's saying, "hey mama. What do ya got for me today?" I rolled over and pretended not to hear him. He came to my side of the bed, wanting to be picked up.

I felt like tweeting, "My son woke up at 5am. Trying not to run away. #gracebasedparenting. Speaking of Grace Based Parenting, we started our class last night and it was incredible. Have you checked out his book?

So, we made eggs and toast (oatmeal for Jack) watched an episode of Thomas, got ready for the day and had 2 cups of coffee all before 8am! Welcome to parenthood.

a reason to party

2011-04-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

This weather is rocking my world. I'll just say that.

I couldn't resist this picture even though it's not really related to the awesome weather. But he kind of looks like a posing model. Kind of funny.

I've never been a huge outdoorsy-type person, but since having a one year old I love an excuse to go and explore the outdoors. Plus, this kiddo loves to be outside. Like his daddy. Not like me. But I'm learning and it's been fun. 

We went on a beautiful, long, great conversation-filled, breezy and eventful walk this morning. Three mama's and I exchanged labor stories (again. It never gets old.) shared funny/awkward stories and tried to walk single file with our strollers on busy roads. It was fantastic. We then dined outside while the boys played on the tractors and in the dirt. We enjoyed delicious hot dogs, potato chips and oranges. What could make a meal any better? Root beer. And yes, I had a little of that too.

and I didn't bring my camera. What?

I did, however, snap these pictures right before John got home. We celebrate when daddy gets home from work. That's always a reason to have a party. 

..and Jack's cackle-laugh was killing me when I jumped up. It's the simple things.

don't have that kind of time

2011-04-19T13:56:00.000-07:00

Last night on the way to Bible study I cranked up NPR. NPR, for young moms is an easy sleep-inducer for the children and an outlet to listen to on their way to the grocery, a playdate or just driving aimlessly around town because they are gonna go crazy if they don't get out of the house. You know what I'm sayen?

But last night I pulled out of the driveway flying solo. My Monday nights. I love being a mama and treasure each day, but there is something blissful about turning left onto that road and rolling down the windows and turning up some sound. Some days it's country, other days oldies, but last night it was NPR. It's a short drive, but enough time to grab a nugget of inspiration. 

Anne Lamott was on for the ten minutes it takes me to get to Bible study. She shared how she celebrates Easter and what it means to her. She spoke about how Easter is a time for introspection.

She also shared a story about the last couple of weeks of her best friend's life. They were out shopping for a new dress and Anne asked her friend if the dress was too short or too tight to which her friend responded, "Anne, you don't have that kind of time." Which stuck with me. I chewed on that the rest of my drive and throughout the evening. We don't have that kind of time to be afraid of the unknown or the scary things. Or the times in life that we wish we were a kid again so we didn't have to make hard decisions and step out in faith. And ya know, I'm thankful for that. 'cause we don't have that kind of time and it's worth it to step out, even if we don't know where we will land. we trust. and we pray.

sprouts

2011-04-13T14:18:00.000-07:00

This week has been packed full of changes.

Not really with me (though I do feel like monster-Mel is back to sleep, for a while, I hope. I hope forever.) Things in our little frontier land are changing. It snowed Saturday and today it is a breezy, sunny and warm 65 degree day. I am diggin' this spring. 

We're getting a fence this spring to ward off javalinas, deer and coyotes (it's mostly their land out here.) We live on a corner lot so settling in to some backyard BBQ fun is kind of impossible without a fence to declare back yard territory. The rest of our yard, however, is a work in progress and sometimes I find contentment to be lacking. I do love it, though, and am thankful for a home and that it's this one.

Another change.

Jack is fighting off his cold and has been in much better spirits today. My man is still fighting the bug/allergies and just hasn't been feeling great lately. Which is hard for him and difficult for me too. I need to work on my sick-graces because I'll be honest, I lack in that area.

Over the weekend we went to the mall to let Jack run around (he was getting stir crazy and it was snowing! in april!) it was good for us to get out too. i had forgotten how nice weather just welcomes you to put on your chacos, sunglasses and feel the breeze hit your cheeks and dance around your shoulders. Spring is here. And with it brings changes and I am so thankful for both.

My garden is sprouting! Granted, it's still indoors, but it's growing and I am really hoping for yummy goodness in the next couple of months. And when I move it outdoors? No guarantee that it won't fail and we will be without food in a few months. We're attempting to eat much healthier and although it's been trickier financially (like cutting back on our trips to safeway just to get me and jack out of the house) it's been really good. The food (no surprise here) tastes so much better. We've been eating ground turkey instead of beef for the last year or so, but recently switched to organic beef and it was like...a little tortilla packed full of heaven. There truly is a difference. 

I was at Bible study until 11:30 on Monday night. I am so thankful for times for chatting, laughing, eating and sharing our hearts. And that my man doesn't mind if I'm gone until 11:30. I came home and we dreamed and rambled until 1:00am. That's really late for us. I loved it.

sunday snapshot

2011-04-10T10:35:00.002-07:00

Today Jack and I are staying in. His cough is still pretty horrible sounding and he's currently taking a morning nap (hasn't happened for months.) He's a sick little booger and I'm secretly loving the extra hugs and cuddles. I don't like missing John's preaching, but I don't want to infect any of the other kiddos in the nursery. This are some tough calls, I'll be honest. We both decided (around 6:30am when Jack awoke) that it might be better if Jack just stayed home today. I trust Jesus will use John without me there :) but I do like to be able to process things with him when he gets home.

Earlier this week the weather was so lovely and we got Jack a wagon for our travels around the neighborhood. I miss my little ball of adventure and energy when he's not feeling well.

The sun is currently melting all the snow away and spring has so quickly returned. My little garden is holding out and the seeds are starting to grow.

Does anyone know of any one out there know of good video editing programs? The best ones (I know) are for macs, but I have a pc and need something user friendly, but with great fonts and effects. Do they exist?

finer things

2011-04-09T21:22:00.002-07:00

Well, the rain arrived. For a day. And this morning it turned into THIS:

And tomorrow it's supposed to be sunny and 50 degrees. 
Really delightful, lovely and all the above. It melted quickly (in fact, the roads were never covered) but gave me enough of an excuse to drive the Land cruiser, send John out on an early morning donut run and keep Jack in his pajamas all day. These days are numbered, my friends, and I want to enjoy them. Jack got restless around 4:30, however, and we made a Goodwill 50% off day run. No good finds.

..Last night John and I hung out with good friends. We enjoyed a relaxed ambiance with soft lighting and Adele playing on the stereo. We shared wine and dreams that made our hearts tick. Things that inspire, encourage and spur us on.

Let me say this. I consider myself a dreamer over all, but I'm not a goal oriented visionary type person. I think there's a difference. I married a goal-man and love that side of him immensely, but if my only goal for the week is to do a load of laundry, have a few play/mommy-dates, good fellowship, time with Jesus, a deep chat with my man, a good selection of tv shows/movies and a story time or two with my kiddo, my week is a good one. (Reading that over, I guess I do kind of have "goals" for the week. Kind of.) Some people need vision and goals and plans for the week. For the day. I'm inspired by that, but don't fully understand it.

It was wonderful to be a bird perched on the ledge of a visionary's mind as they shared their dreams and goals for the years ahead. It was like sitting in on a conversation for a planning committee.(like a Finer Things meeting with Pam, Oscar and Toby.)

I kind of realized through the evenings festivities that I've let some of my dreams fall by the wayside. Which is good and bad. Some can be mended, revisited and revised while others are better off staying gone. I'm not sure what they are yet or when they will resurface, but I do know I'm open to it when they do.

Jesus has those dreams. and I know He's got plans for them, but in all my life experience, His dreams for our life are always better, fuller and rockier than anything I could have ever imagined on my own.

//

On another note, my new vitamin regiment has been going well. I don't really feel different, but then again, I didn't really feel bad to begin with. I'm beginning to see more and more the crucial importance of what we put into our bodies and the affects it has on us. I know this isn't our home and our bodies aren't here forever (thank you, Lord!) But while we are here and living this life, I do think we should take care of it to the best of our abilities. 

I'm optimistic about this Stress and Adrenal Support. The nasty taste has left and I've got a rhythm down on how to eat them. They aren't too bad. In fact, I already see a difference and that's all kind of weird/amazing. The rest of the vitamins are good, kind of a lot to guzzle down in the morning, but great.